The Things You Do To Me
by RedVelvetWings
Summary: It's time to say goodbye after season 3,but while Chris stays in LA for his projects,Darren leaves for Chicago and A Very Potter Threequel.Will Chris get over his feelings for Darren or will Darren realize what Chris really means to him?CrissColfer RPF
1. Chapter 1a

**Hey everyone out there!**

**So this is a fic I have been working on for quite some time and that is the result. This is first part is mostly based on picture and videos as well as interviews and events. So yeah some of this stuff happened even though I did with the facts what I wanted and pulled up a story ^^**

**This is the first part of the first chapter but I thought that over 25000 words at once wouldn't be the best, so I spilt this thing in two parts. Even though I did hurt ;(  
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**I hope you like this first part and want me to keep going. If that's what you want just leave me a review^^ or a favo or an alert :)**

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><p>Chris sat there in the darkness. The only things that were with him were his thoughts and the passing cars outside of the window. Occasionally there was light filling the room when the headlights of a car shone right through his window. His knees were pressed to his chest, his head resting on his knees, his face was wet of tears streaming it down. It was early in the morning. The morning Chris always had feared, the morning that would change everything. It would be the last day of season three. They would finish up today and then there would be another tour and another season, but nothing would ever be the same. Darren would be gone and Chris had no idea, when he would see him again. There was the possibility that they would never see each other again, but that couldn't happen. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. But Chris' thoughts drifted away, back to the days were they had laughed and smiled and to the days in which Chris had fallen for his curly haired co-star. The moments that would stay in Chris' heart forever as the most def time he had ever had.<p>

Another car passed Chris' window and the light filled the room, by the time the car had passed the window, Chris was back there on the first day, when he had meet Darren for the first time.

_The sun was shining brightly and everything seemed like a normal day on set. None of them had known whom Ryan had hired for Blaine. There sure were rumors about that on set and also there was no other topic than that but nobody had known. Chris had come to set, having totally forgotten about the new addition to the cast. But when he finally had reached the group of his friends, he could hear some of the girls giggle. All of them had their heads together, looking down on some papers. Amber was the first one to notice him coming up to them and she had that grin on her face that Chris loved about her. Her bright white teeth were showing and she came up to hug him. _

"_Hey, Chris. We know who will play the Anderson guy from Dalton." But Chris hadn't cared in that moment. He had have a hard night, without much sleep and he still had problems with his lines. So he had nodded and had added a lame respond, but headed off immediately. In the makeup he had thought back about his former reaction, but pushed the thoughts away. No, it wasn't that important to meet the new guy just seconds after he arrived here. It would be enough for him to have to deal with all the others. But in the end it had been him, that Darren had meet first._

_They just had shot the scene in which Puck had made Kurt go and spy on Dalton and Chris had headed off for some time alone, so he could look over the script on more time. He had been sitting on a bench somewhere in nowhere on set, were actually nobody had ever found him, so he had been even more surprised when he had heard an unfamiliar voice. But then he had the feeling of knowing this voice somehow._

"_Uhm, hey." He had raised his head and had looked into the smiling face of his new co-star. His eyes had been immediately glued to those hazel eyes of the man right in front of him. He had been forced to keep his jaw from dropping. He was beautiful, no breathtaking. These hazel eyes, the brown curly hair, that smile on his face. _

_Chris took all that in, almost staring at the beauty of the man. He had recognized him, because of that. Darren Criss or Harry freakin' Potter, how they named him in the Potter musicals. He had adored him back then, when he had watched A Very Potter Musical for the first time and now Darren would be his co-star. Was this really happening or was he dreaming? He had loved the musicals so he couldn't hold back the little outbreak of excitement. _

"_Hey, nice to meet you, man! I'm a big fan of A Very Potter Musical__!" Darren looked a little confused at first, like he wouldn't believe Chris what he had said just seconds ago, but the smile stayed on his face, starting to make Chris melt. _

"_Oh, you watched the musicals, that's awesome and nice to meet you too. But would you mind to help me to get to Ryan Murphy, because I'm totally lost and he ordered me to visit him, before we could go on and head to the set." A smile stretched over Chris' face when he heard these words and he shut his script, that was still lying in his lap._

"_Sure. I was wondering who came here, because this is the one place where nobody finds me. They leave me alone and I can have some time for myself, that's why I really am asking you how you found your way here? But on the other hand…lets go."_

_Chris picked up his stuff and made his way back to the more crowded parts of the set. Soon they had found Ryan and the other cast members were all gathering around, trying to get a glimpse onto Darren._

_They headed off for the Dalton set a little bit later, after everybody had said their welcomes and most of them had calmed down once again. Chris' eyes had always found their way back to Darren's face, mapping all the little details. And then when he had heard Darren sing for the very first time, nothing could stop his eyes from sparkling. Sure, Chris had heard Darren sing in the musicals and even though the playback was playing in the background, Chris could still make out Darren's real voice and it was just overwhelming. _

_Darren's eyes had been focused only on him. His eyes sparkling and the smile on his face still dazzling. And his voice. Ow..Darren's voice was the best thing Chris had ever heard in his entire life. The moment Darren had opened his mouth to sing the first notes of Teenage Dream, Chris had fallen for Darren's incredible voice and not only for the voice of that stunning man singing in front of him. _

That had been the day on which his `schoolboy-crush´ how he had named it, had started. But it never had faded. It only had grown stronger. It had become harder to hide but with him and Darren as good friends it wasn't that obvious when they touched, when Chris' hand had been brushing Darren's. And now he would lose that. He would lose that feeling of Darren next to him. It wasn't only about losing somebody he was friends with, it also was about losing a person he loved so much, that it already was unhealthy and losing a person he love like that, even though he knew that he wasn't feeling the same way he did, was unbearable. He just loved Darren more than he should. He had fought it. He had tried that a long time, but it never really had worked at all. There always had been Darren's eyes and Darren's smile distracting him from his task to just forget about his feelings. Having Darren around almost every day hadn't made that any easier, but he didn't wanted to lose the friendship he had with Darren. So Chris had kept to his plan as good as he could. Trying to wrestle down the wrong feeling whelming up inside him.

More tears were running down his face, when Chris let these feelings that still were buried deep inside him overwhelm him one last time. He remembered all that like it all happened just yesterday. The feelings, the smile on Darren's face, the moments that would seem normal and unspectacular to everybody else, but which Chris had kept in his heart to remember them in a situation like this.

A smell was hanging in the air, that Chris recognized from somewhere. He didn't know what it was but his mind proceeded faster, than and he found himself wrapped into another memory of a snowy day, back in November, two years ago.

_Red flowers were standing around in the halls of Dalton and in the room where they were supposed to shot there next scene. He was sitting at small wooden table when Darren entered the set, totally into character he started to talk to him._

_Darren's curly hair was sleeked back just as usual, but he had some sparks in his eyes when he talked to him about helping him with rehearsing. He replied and slammed his book shut, looking up at Darren, standing against the sofa. _

_His thoughts had been somewhere else when the playback started. They were somewhere, arguing about the fact, what it meant, that Darren look at him this way, but Chris shut the thoughts up. This was important and he wouldn't screw up. No he wouldn't. He tried to concentrate on the song they were supposed to sing and tried to ignore the way, Darren looked at him. His thoughts still telling him, that he looked at him like this and not at his character, Kurt. But again Chris had shut them up, telling himself, `no he looks like this at Kurt. He tries to feel the song and sing it right, also Blaine kind of fell for Kurt, so he looks like this at Kurt and not at me´. _

_Somehow Chris had managed it to get out of the room really fast after the shooting was over. It was late in the night and it was already dark outside. There was some snow this year and it was really cold. He had changed back into his clothes in record time, but he wasn't as fast as he thought he had been. _

"_Hey, Chris, what's wrong?" Darren had caught up with him and was now standing next to him, looking right into his eyes with the warm hazel ones that made Chris go weak. He broke the eye contact to clear his head. _

"_Nothing. Just tired and I want to get home." But Chris could see that Darren wouldn't let it go. He would keep asking questions until he had heard something that was at last a little bit of the truth. But he did the exact opposite of what Chris had thought. His curly haired friend just nodded and smile at him. He stood there and then suddenly he feel backwards. He hit the snowy ground and was still smiling. His eyes were closed. Chris smiled and fished his cell phone out of his pocket snapping a pic of Darren lying in the snow. He slipped his cell phone back into his pocket and when he looked up again he saw Darren moving his arms and legs so it looked like there was an angle in the snow. After he did that for a few minutes he got up and looked at it, still smiling. It was like his smile never left his face and without noticing he had managed to make Chris smile too, but it was gone seconds later._

"_Why have you done that?" But Darren just ignored the question and bent down, doing something with his hands. When he stood up he had something in his hand, but before Chris could have said anything, said thing in Darren's hands had hit him at his shoulder. Chris squeaked shortly and then bent down too, to pay Darren back._

"_I'm doing this to distract you from whatever is bothering you. I can see that something is wrong, but when you don't wanna tell me I can at least distract you, so I can see you smile again." And these words had the effect Darren just had referred to. Chris started smiling and threw the ball of snow right at Darren who couldn't doge anymore. The ball hit Darren right in the chest. Both of them were laughing and continued the fight until both of them were exhausted and tried. _

_They walk to their cars and Chris was just turning around to leave after they had said their goodbyes when Darren got a hold on Chris' wrist, turning him back around, so Chris had to look into his slightly shorter friends eyes._

"_Just know that I'm always there for you. If you can't handle your problem alone anymore, just come and talk to me, okay. I can help you get through that. Just remember." He smile at Chris who had nodded. Darren loosened his hold and Chris finally had turned around to leave. _

Darren had always cared so much about him and Chris had let him in. He had opened up to Darren and so had Darren, but both of them still had their secrets. They had have trust and honesty but some things were always better unsaid.

Chris had finished crying. He felt like there were no more tears left to cry. His arms still wrapped around his legs, pressed against his chest. He was still sobbing but there was nothing left, that he could have cried out other than his blood. It took a few more minutes before the sobs also had faded to almost nothing. He closed his eyes, drowning in his feelings and seeing his smiling friend in front of his closed eyes. He wouldn't want me to cry like this about him, Chris thought. Darren never had wanted to see him cry because it had made him feel sad, too.

Chris opened his eyes again looking at the clock next to him on his nightstand. It was 4.36, a time he usually had to get up and get ready to leave for work, but today he didn't have to be at the set until 7.00. There were another two and a half hour until he had to be there. At the set where so many things would remind him of their time together.

Chris pushed the thought aside. This would be their last day and it needed to be good. With this in his mind he got up, sitting on the edge of his bed for a moment before he got up and made his way to the bathroom, not bothering to turn on the light. But he didn't reach the bathroom. Instead he ran into his commode that stood right beside the door to his bathroom. Chris heard something fall and then there was the sound of breaking glass. He bent down to look what had fallen down. Turning around the frame that lay on the floor to his feet, he felt a lump in his throat. It just hadn't be any picture that was shattered on the ground, it was one of the pictures of them , together. It had been taken shortly after new year. It still had been cold outside and they were on their way to a party. Again Chris could remember all of that as if it happened yesterday.

_Darren had picked him up late that night. It was still could and also it had already been dark. A harsh wind had blown that had been sharp as little razors in their uncovered faces. They had walked to the club where they would meet the rest of the cast, but in the middle of the deserted park, Darren had stopped him. His hand placed on Chris' arm, he had slowly turned him around so Chris would face him. His smile was lighting up his face. _

"_You know, we never really took pictures of our time together." Chris had looked a little confused at Darren, thinking, why this came to his mind now, but hadn't asked, instead he just had smiled and nodded._

"_Yeah, actually you are right, but how do I know you don't wanna sell the pic on eBay or something." Darren's smile went wider for a sec and then it was gone, his expression serious. _

"_You really think I would do that?" Chris started to laugh immediately, Darren next to him also laughing, his eyes light up and sparkling. Darren put his arm around Chris' shoulder and raised his hand with his phone snapping a few pics. He looked at them and shook his head. _

"_Chris, you have to smile." He shook his head once again and then he pocked Chris, making him smile. Darren pocked him a few times before Chris had capitulated, still smiling. After that they had another try and this time, Chris couldn't help smiling. His arm slid around Darren's waist and pulled him closer. The whole thing had ended in a pocking war which Darren had won, because of another capitulation of Chris. The night had been filled with laughing and smiling and a lot of fun, but in the end Chris had always one question on his mind. _

"_Why came that with the pictures up to your mind?", Chris had asked on their way back to Chris apartment ,where Darren had parked his car. He had looked over to Chris, seeing that he was serious. _

"_I just thought what I told you and also, I think, that maybe one day we will need pictures to remember this time." The smile on his face was weak, but Chris knew he was right. One day, they might need pictures to remember. He had returned Darren's weak smile and had drawn him into a hug. _

"_Thanks for being such a great friend." Darren had wrapped his arms around him, pulling him a little closer and whispering, "You don't need to thank me for that, you're just as great as a friend for me." And Chris had felt Darren smile. Feeling him this close had always been something special to him. To feel Darren the way he did in these few seconds of this hug, their bodies pressed together. _

Chris now was sitting on the floor. His fingers stroking over the uncovered surface of the picture. The sharp pieces of glass that had remained in the frame sometimes cutting a little in his fingers. But he didn't cared he was lost in his memories about that picture.

He finally looked down on his hand, that still was stroking the picture, seeing the cuts in his fingertips. Little drops of blood smeared over the surface of the picture. Without a second thought Chris ripped the frame in his hands apart, splitting it in two halves. The picture remained unharmed in the two broken pieces. Chris carefully toke the picture out of the pieces, trying to get the smeary blood from their faces. Obviously this picture was ruined, but he still raised and went into the bathroom, taking some paper and tried to wipe some of the blood of the picture. To Chris surprise he got almost all of the blood down, so the pic was left almost unharmed. His mind only revolved around one question, "why does remembering hurt so much when the time I remember was the best time ever". But of course Chris knew the answer, it did hurt, because he didn't want to lose what he had right now and what he had have back then. He didn't want to lose the knowledge, that he was getting up every morning and his perfect and totally awesome co-star would be there waiting for him, he didn't want to lose Darren as a person and he didn't wanted to lose the feelings that always whelmed up inside him when he looked at Darren or when Darren hugged him, or patted him on the back or any of the other things they had shared. He didn't wanted to lose one single tiny thing but he also knew that it was kind of time to stop holding on and let go, because there was no way that he himself could stop any of the progress that was happening. He only could make the best out of it and hope, that whenever both of them would find the time they could meet somewhere and talk about all the stuff that happened while they had been apart.

Chris had stopped wiping blood and had finally laid the picture down on a cupboard. He striped and took a hot long shower, trying to get of the tears that he could still feel on his cheeks. The hot water calmed him and he relaxed a little. His hands against the tiles of the wall, his head hanging down, his hair soaked ,hanging loosely around his face and dripping with the water , his muscles still a little to tensed and the hot water running down his naked body, covering him in a thin film of warmth. Like that he stood there in the shower letting the water just pour down on him. He stayed like that until all the hot water was gone and he was hit by a cold stream of water.

He turned off the water, stepped out of the shower, dried himself more or less and got into some new clothes. All that had only taken a few minutes. It wasn't worth thinking what to wear. The outfit for the party was already in his trailer on set and the rest of the day he would be running around in some Kurt clothes.

Chris walked into the living room, not even feeling the slightest bit hungry but still sad. The tears were still in his eyes even though he had thought he couldn't cry anymore and also he didn't want to anymore. It needed to stop. He wouldn't come to the set with red swollen eyes, so that Darren could see that he had been crying for a long time. No that wasn't going to happen at all. No. Chris blinked a few times, trying to force the tears to stay back, but he couldn't. One single tear was rolling down his cheek. His sadness turned into anger about himself, he couldn't even keep himself from crying and that was what finally had stopped Chris from crying. Channeling his sadness into anger had work, even though he hadn't planned on it, but now the anger was inside him. The anger about himself and this situation he was in. With the anger inside him he went around his apartment, filled with the need to hit something.

He finally satisfied his need a little when he passed a small table on which some magazines were lying. He hit the stack of magazines and with a lot of noise the stack fell over, the magazines spread all over the floor. Vogue, People and other magazines were lying there in front of Chris, but there was one cover that he was staring at, not even knowing that he still had that magazine. It was a issue of the Out magazine. March 2011. The issue on which Darren's face was looking up at him. Another flash of memories overwhelmed Chris. He fell onto the couch lifting up said issue of the Out magazine and stared at it.

_Darren had wanted Chris to join him on a photo shoot he had to do for the Out magazine. They both had a day off from set but Darren still had to go and do that photo shoot, so he just had asked Chris if he wanted to join him and so he had. _

_That morning Chris had gotten up really early getting ready and had headed over to Darren's place. It was early in the morning still and so it was still dark outside, when Chris arrived at Darren's house. By the time Chris had turned off the engine, Darren had his head already looking out of the door, smiling at him. _

_Darren had shoved him inside the house and into the kitchen. By the time Darren had forced him down onto a chair and a cup of fresh coffee into his hands._

"_Okay, I have to get some stuff together just wait here a minute, I'll be right back." Darren was jumping up the stairs and left Chris behind in the kitchen. He had nipped a little on his coffee, when Darren reappeared in the kitchen, still a broad smile on his face. _

"_So I'm ready, I will just grab another cup of coffee and we are good to go." They were back in the hallway, almost out of the door, when Darren had stopped Chris another time, taking the cup of coffee out of his hands and putting it down on the commode in the hallway._

"_Come here," Darren had said while he had pulled him closer and set up the small camera on the shelve in front of them. _

"_We forgot. Taking picture to remember, you know?" Darren's smile was also mirrored in his beautiful eyes. When Chris hadn't got it quite fast enough for Darren, he just had done what he had done last time. He pocked him in the rips, causing Chris to smile. Chris just had been shaking his head and had smiled. But Chris' heart had skipped a beat when he had felt Darren's arm move around his shoulders, his head resting against his and that Darren's hand had take hold of his jacket. He tried to ignore all that but he couldn't fully hide it. He felt his cheeks blush slightly. It only was a hint of pick on his cheeks but it was still there._

_After their very own little photo session, they finally had got into the car and had been driving to Darren's photo shoot. Chris had know that the photo shoot for the Out magazine would be a little different from the stuff Darren had done until then, but he never had expected to get that._

_Darren's first few shots were almost innocent. Darren wearing a black t shirt, posing and nothing special. The next one, Darren in a white t shirt and brown leather jacket, hadn't been that thrilling either, but after that they had made him wear some other clothes and it had gotten to be the less the longer they had been shooting. Darren in a striped shirt and shorts that had been low on his hips, which had been a little better than the stuff before also it had been interesting to see Darren wear a knitted, white jacket with nothing under it but the real stuff had been when they had started using water for the shoot, making Darren's curls fall freely and wet into his face._

_Chris really had to force himself to keep control over his body, when they had Darren in a wet blue shirt, that he was lifting up so his well formed abs were showing as much as the hair that disappeared into the waistband of Darren's jeans. Chris had sat there quite, not saying a word the entire time, just observing Darren and his just perfect and beautiful body. His thoughts always reviling around the one thing, "look at his body and then tell me how you can't fall in love with that guy. He has an amazing voice, humor, a great character and a marvelous body". _

_Driven away with his thoughts and his eyes clued to Darren, Chris didn't notice when Darren finally approached him, his hands clapping in front of his face. _

"_Hey, Chris! Chris!" Chris had shaken his head to clear it and then had looked straight at Darren, smiling. _

"_What? What did you say?", Chris asked, still a little confused._

"_Stop enjoying the view, not that I mind but I'm ready here, we can go." Chris had blushed slightly, hoping that Darren hadn't noticed. _

"_I haven't been staring at you." Darren turned around the look on his face was serious. His eyes looking up at Chris through his long eyelashes. _

"_Seriously whom do you want to convince? Me or you, because I knew what I saw, Chris and I said I didn't mind, so it's okay." Darren had shot him a dazzling smile and he had blushed a little more._

Chris blushed all over again by thinking of that day. Yeah, he definitely had been staring at Darren, the entire time. He had been staring at Darren because of his beauty, because of his body and because of Darren's adorableness. And he sure as hell never would have hidden these thoughts, wouldn't he have known that Darren had been straight and sadly but true, still was.

The anger inside him had faded into almost nothing, he felt almost quite okay. His eyes were pinned on the cover of that magazine, he was holing up in front of his face. The slightly tanned skin, the wet curly hair and these beautiful mysterious eyes that were looking at him. The wet skin and the slight stubbles on his jaw. He took all of that in but he spared on part on Darren's face until the very end. His soft, pink lips that were opened a little. Chris knew exactly how these lips felt on his. He also knew how they felt on his neck or in some other places but his mind threw him back into the past to Kurt and Blaine's first on screen kiss, even though there had been make out sessions between Kurt and Blaine, it would be that kiss that would stay in his mind as `the kliss´, the one and only.

_The room was filled with Ryan, cameramen and other people. Usually it didn't bother Chris at all when people were watching him, while he was acting, but it was different today. Today was THE day. The day of Kurt's and Blaine's first kiss and even though he did his best to hide how nervous he was, he knew that he still looked a lot too nervous. He had wanted this to happen for so long and now that the time had come he couldn't sit or stand still in one spot for more than a few seconds._

_Darren was standing beside him looking as nervous as he was, although he had said that he was only as nervous as Blaine would be about this situation, there was something on his face that made Chris believe that there was something more going on under these adorable curls that covered his head._

"_Okay, I think we can begin shooting. Everybody into positions.", Ryan called over the set._

_Chris took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down a little more before he went over to the table where he was supposed to sit when Darren would enter the set, but instead of being all calm and totally relaxed inside, his face showed of the opposite. Also Chris' hands were shaking while he tried to glue a crystal to the little casket in front of him. `I hope nobody will notice that´, was the thought on his mind, but although he tried really hard to stop his hands from shaking, he couldn't and then lovely Darren entered the set. His eyes on Chris, but Chris' eyes were focused on the casket. _

"_What's that?", Darren's voice came from Chris' right side. He looked up, seeing Darren standing a few feet away from him and the table. _

"_I'm decorating Pavarotti's casket.", Chris replied to the question and Darren came a little closer until he was standing at the table, his hands resting on the back of one of the other chairs that surrounded the table._

"_Well, finish up. I have the perfect song for our number and we should practice." A smile was lighting up Darren's face when he looked away from Chris, scanning the table._

"_Do tell." Chris' eyes were still on Darren._

"_Candles by Hey Monday." Darren swallowed hard once and then Chris answered._

"_I'm impressed. You usually so top forty." Chris was smiling and Darren's glance was on the floor once again. Chris was getting really nervous. It had gotten a little better, when they had actually started shooting, but now it was getting worse again. His feet were moving under the table, but he thought that no one would actually care what his feet were doing, when everything was focused on Darren's and his face. _

"_Well, I just …wanted something more emotional." Darren was sitting down on the chair next to him. Chris' eyes still glued to Darren, but not to his face anymore. His glance went stray and ended up being focused all on these pink, soft looking lips of Darren. _

_When Chris realized that, he forced himself to look down onto the table, but then he remembered his next lines and started to turn around once again. His eyes were still focused on the table top avoiding Darren's eyes. _

"_Why did you pick me to sing that song with?" Chris eyes were once again focused on Darren, but he was looking down onto the table. He somehow tried to avoid Chris' glace as much as Chris had avoided Darren's, without being out of character, but when he heard Chris say these lines, his head darted up again and his eyes meet Chris'. _

_Darren opened his mouth to say his next lines, but it looked like he didn't remembered them. There was a pause that made the moment even more intense and the nervousness was getting even more. `Why isn't this already over. I wanted this so badly the last few month and now that the day is here, my nervousness is killing me. And his lips, they look so good. Ow… stop it, Chris. Concentrate. Be Kurt and don't let your own feelings mess this up.´_

_Chris was back in the real world, seeing Darren close his eyes, his mouth still open, searching for the words to say. But Darren wasn't saying anything at all. His eyes were closed and Chris realized for the first time how long Darren's eyelashes were. He was so focused an Darren's face, that he almost didn't hear Darren say the next lines._

"_Kurt, there is a moment when you say to yourself `Ow.. there you are I've been looking for you forever´."Darren came a little closer and placed his hand over Chris' , lying on the table. His glance was focused on their hands._

"_Watching you do `Blackbird' this week…was that moment for me…about you. You.. You move me Kurt and this duet would just be an excuse to spend mo..more time with you." _

_Chris knew exactly what was coming now. Darren would slightly lean in and kiss him softly. All of Chris' thought revolved around that now. The kiss and Darren's lips. These lips that were coming closer to his own, because Darren had leaned forward. Chris' eyes were glued to Darren's lips, the lips and nothing else. Darren was hot and gorgeous but in this very moment all Chris could think about were these lips on his own._

_Their lips meet. It was just a slight kiss as the script requested. Slight and soft, but still filled with love. _

_Chris could feel Darren's hand on his cheek and his own hand was still lying on the table. He just let himself get overwhelmed by this moment, because it would be over in about a second. Sure they would film more takes, but the first time was always the most intense one. _

_Darren moved his lips a little over Chris', Darren's nose brushing Chris' cheek. It took a moment till Chris relaxed and stretched his hand, that was lying on the table._

_Chris was cheering inside that it wasn't over yet and that this felt so amazing. It felt more amazing than anything else he ever had experienced before. It was that very moment in which Chris realized how much he really wanted Darren. He wanted this to happen off screen. That they were alone and no one would be watching them, but there were people. Ryan was sitting there, watching them and also other people, but he didn't care about them. Even though Chris knew about all the people and the cameras, he forgot about them for a moment. It was just him and Darren. _

_The hand that wasn't lying on the table wandered up and cupped Darren's cheek and Chris changed the angle on more time. He took advantage of the situation and slightly opened his mouth. First Chris thought Darren would pull back, but he didn't, at least not all of a sudden. He pulled back gently and ended the kiss, staring into Chris eyes. _

_With a loud `tump´, Chris' hand that had been on Darren's cheek, feel onto the table. His expression just as scripted, a little taken aback by the kiss. He could still feel Darren's hand on his cheek and see the indescribable look on Darren's face._

_Darren sat back onto the chair, laughing out shortly and blushing slightly. They just continued as scripted but Chris had seen the asking look in Darren's eyes. It just had been there for a fracture of a second but it had been there. Did he take it too far? Darren was straight, hell, why did he even do that? Chris couldn't answer these questions in his head right now, he just needed to finish this scene. _

_Darren looked sight ways, avoiding eye contact with him._

"_We…We should practice." , Darren stuttered as he should. His hand on his neck and his eyes glued to the crystals lying on the table top, still not looking up at him. _

"_I thought we were.", came it from him, a smile on his face. Darren's eyes were once again on him, sparkling. This sparkling that said` what you can do, I can also do´. _

_Okay, this take would definitely be different than Murphy had wanted it to be but, who cares. _

_In that moment Darren got up from his seat and leaned towards Chris once again. This time Chris straightened himself a little more and his hand immediately wandered to Darren's cheek._

_Their lips crashed together with so much force that Chris again was a little taken aback, but hey, this hadn't been his idea, had it?_

_Chris could feel Darren's hand, cupping his cheek once again and Chris got lost in the feeling of this kiss. This kiss wasn't scripted and it was against everything you would have expected from Kurt and Blaine. This kiss was just plain need. Chris could feel the need in this kiss and he was really questioning if Darren just was a really good actor or if this was real._

_Their lips were still moving over each other's, their mouths slightly opened and Chris couldn't help, but give in to his need to lick over Darren's bottom lip. Again Darren didn't pull back, instead he kiss him back, and it made Chris cheer. Did Darren at least had slight feelings for him, that wanted him to be more than a friend? But in that moment Darren pulled back._

"_CUT!", Ryan yelled and came over to the two of them. _

"_Guys, that was awesome. Not quite what I pictured but really good. I like." Ryan was smiling at them. _

"_Good, uhm, we'll start filming again in 15, so take a break."Ryan was still smiling when he turned around and headed off. _

_Awkward silence hang between the two and they were just staring at each other._

"_Uhm, I gotta go. See you in 15.", Darren said looking at him and blushed another time. Again it was just slightly and almost unnoticeable, but it was there._

"_Yeah.", was everything Chris answered and blushed himself a little. Darren headed past him, leaving Chris' side, but instead of heading off himself, he just had stood there, thinking about the scene they just had finished. It had been perfect. Perfect, at least to him and even though they both didn't stick to the script, Ryan had liked it. Had that even been real? _

It had been real and just like Chris had thought back then, the other takes all hadn't been as good as the first one.

Chris had been totally lost in that memory. It was one of his dearest memories. He could feel Darren's hand, cupping his cheek and he could also feel Darren's lips on his. All his expressions and gestures were captured in his mind.

His finger softly stroked the cover of the magazine, remembering how the real skin of the man left under his finger. It was nothing like the surface of this magazine. Darren's skin was smooth and soft and tanned. Chris could see Darren's slight tan on the picture, but it just didn't feel like Darren at all.

Chris put the magazine aside. The anger had faded to nothing and left was the feeling of lose. Again he told himself that he couldn't stop this, everything he could do was to let go for now and to hope, that they would keep in touch, seeing each other occasionally.

He pushed the thoughts away and got up from the sofa, looking at the mess he had made with the magazines that were all over the floor, but he didn't care right now, instead he just ignored it and went into the kitchen, opening the fridge and getting a can of diet coke.

The urge to leave the house whelmed up inside of Chris, even thought it still was early to leave for work, he grabbed his keys and took the can of diet coke and left his apartment.

The morning sun had risen over the tops of the houses, shining through cracks and leaves. It was warm and Chris just stood there for a moment, letting the sun shine down on him, trying to forget everything for a moment.

A few minutes later, Chris had settled down in his car. He pulled out of the parking lot and turned on the radio, driving to the streets of Los Angeles. Different songs came on, mostly new stuff and the music distracted Chris a little. He had almost felt okay and the feeling, that he could get through some time without another memory flash had settled, when a song from the last year came on. It was `old´ for one of LA's radio stations, but it made Chris fall back to his memories.

It was a memory he had no idea how to fell about. It was kind of good, but it also had started stuff, that should have gone different, if all that wouldn't have happened in the first place.

The lyrics of the song were flowing around in his mind.

**There's a stranger in my bed,****  
><strong>**There's a pounding in my head****  
><strong>**Glitter all over the room****  
><strong>**Pink flamingos in the pool****  
><strong>**I smell like a minibar****  
><strong>**DJ's passed out in the yard****  
><strong>**Barbie's on the barbeque****  
><strong>**There's a hicky or a bruise**

It was Katie Perry's `Last Friday Night´. It had nothing to do with the memory and if it had it would have definitely been how Darren had felt, but Chris had connected his memory to this song because Darren had been in its music video.

**Pictures of last night****  
><strong>**Ended up online****  
><strong>**I'm screwed****  
><strong>**Oh well****  
><strong>**It's a blacked out blur****  
><strong>**But I'm pretty sure it ruled****  
><strong>**Damn**

The song continued and Chris slipped into his memory again, back to Perez Hilton's birthday party last year.

_It was the middle of the night. Something around 3 or 4 am and Chris heard a damp `You make me__feel like__I'm living a Teenage Dream__the way you turn me on,__I can't sleep__let's runaway__and don't ever look back__don't ever look back´. Chris ignored it when he saw the red letters on his alarm clock. Who ever wanted something from him could call him back when it was a little later. But the ringtone continued, not caring about Chris thoughts. `__My heart stops,__when you look at me just one touch__now baby I believe__this is real__so take a chance__and don't ever look back__don't ever look back´. Screw you, was what Chris was thinking when he reached for his cell phone on his bedside table. _

"_Yeah, hello." Everybody how was only a little observant could definitely hear, that Chris was half asleep, but the only thing Chris could hear from the other end of the line was loud music and talking people. He was almost hanging up again, when his brain suddenly started working. _

_The ringtone had been `Teenage Dream´. The only person that had that ringtone was Darren and Darren had said that he would go to some party. And then it clicked once again in Chris' head, Darren was at Perez Hiltons birthday party, but why was he calling him. _

"_Chhrrris." Came it from the other end and he could hear that Darren was drunk._

"_Yeah, Dar, it's me. What's up? I was sleeping you know, because it's early morning, like 3.34 or something so, please. What's up?" Again Chris only could hear music and other voices until they faded a little. Maybe Darren had gone outside or something. _

"_Chris, I –I have no idea where my keys are and I'm drunk. I'm pretty drunk. C-can you, please, pick me up, please." Darren's voice was almost winy. Chris rolled his eyes. He surely couldn't let his friend stand outside the rest of the night. Only good that everything Darren had to do the next day was that interview for `The Warblers: Track by Track´- thing, otherwise he would have been really screwed. _

"_Okay, Dar, I'm coming, but don't think you can always do this. Where are you?" Darren answered in a happy mood and told Chris the address. _

_By the time Darren had hung up, Chris was almost fully dressed once again. He went shortly into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. His hair was a disaster, but he couldn't change that now. He grabbed his key from the table and headed out of his apartment. _

_15 minutes later, Chris had finally arrived at the place Darren had told him. It was crowded, with lots of cars and people. There was a massive amount of yelling and he could hear the music that came from the party inside. _

_Chris found Darren sitting on the edge of the sidewalk, his legs stretched out in front of him, his head in his hands. His grey suit was hanging loosely around him. _

_Darren being Darren once in a while he had picked this day, to make it a all-by-myself day. He had come without security and Chris was a 100 percent sure that Darren had driven here by himself too. No wonder, that he had called him then, he definitely couldn't drive anymore. _

"_Hey, Darren. I'm here." Darren lifted his head off his hands and looked up at Chris. His eyes looked huge and there was something Chris couldn't understand quite right. They were sparkling with something, Chris couldn't lay his finger on. _

"_You came." Darren was smiling and Chris just nodded. _

"_Sure I came. I told you. Come on let's go." Chris bent down next to Darren and helped him to get up, leading him over to where he had parked his car. _

_The drive back to Chris apartment went over quite. Darren didn't throw up, what was a good think, Chris thought. Maybe he wasn't as drunk as he looked. _

_When they reached Chris' apartment, he helped Darren to get out of the car. Darren's arm around his shoulders, he led him over to the door, but they fell against the wall, Darren on top of Chris. Chris looked at Darren for a second and realized that his glance was focused on his lips. _

_And then it happened. Darren reached up and put one of his hands into Chris hair, making him look down. Darren's eyes were closed and then Darren's lips blushed over Chris'. It was soft and warm. _

_Chris closed his eyes as well, drowning in the feeling, just getting lost for the moment. But soon the innocent, sweet brush of Darren's lips became something more. Suddenly Darren was licking over Chris' bottom lip and Chris had no idea, how it had come that far. _

_Darren's tongue was begging for entrance and without a second thought, Chris gave him what he wanted. He opened his mouth a little bit more and Darren's tongue slipped into his mouth, doing thing there, Chris wouldn't have been able to do when he was sober._

_`This is really happening, this isn't a dream´, screamed a voice in Chris' head and he started smiling. Yeah, this was happening and it tasted like fruits. Exactly, Darren tasted like he hadn't drank anything else than fruity stuff, the entire night. _

_They broke apart, the wonderful sensation of Darren's lips on Chris' was gone. But Chris didn't want that, so he was the one to pay Darren back for that kiss. He placed soft kisses down his neck, until he had found a spot right under Darren's ear. He started sucking there. Kissing, sucking and biting. For sure Darren would have a hicky there tomorrow, but he didn't care. _

_Chris was so lost in the feeling that were whelming up inside him, that had been buried such a long time, that he couldn't think straight anymore. Darren was here with him and he hadn't pushed him away, no. He had been the one starting all this. _

_But Chris got send back to earth very soon. His euphoria found an end, when a moan leaked from Darren._

"_Don't …stop, Chris… Please."With that Chris got back to earth, falling out of the sky and hitting the ground hard and hurtfully. All of this wasn't right. Darren was drunk and he was taking advantage of him, his best friend , because now, Darren wasn't pushing him away. Darren was straight and he knew that damn well, even though he really wanted it to be different, he couldn't do that to his best friend. This could ruin their entire friendship and that was something he wasn't willing to lose. _

_He pulled back, separating himself from Darren as far as possible, without letting go of Darren, because Chris was sure, that he couldn't stand that good on his own. _

"_Why…d-did you stoop?", Darren asked, again a little whiny, but Chris just ignored it. He pushed Darren off of him, as much as he could and ask Darren for some support, but all he did was stumbling away a little. Well, that was better than nothing. _

_It took Chris good ten minutes to get Darren into his apartment on the second floor and on the sofa in his living room. He got a blanket and a pillow from his closet and returned to Darren, already lying on the sofa, his shoes still on but his eyes already closed. _

_He cover Darren with the blanket, put the pillow under his head and took off Darren's shoes, all while shaking his head. This man would make him go insane one day. When he was done he went back to his bedroom, wanting to get some more sleep himself, but turned around to look once again at the sleeping Darren on his sofa. He looked just adorable when he was sleeping. Chris shook his head once again to clear his head of that thought and went to bed. _

_It all had been so wired at that point, because Chris had have no idea, how he should confess all of that to Darren the next morning. He had been lying awake almost the entire rest of the night, thinking about how to make it less worse for both of them, but in the end he hadn't found anything that could help him out of this. Darren had been drunk so it was definitely Chris' fault. He could have stopped Darren right there, when his lips had started brushing slightly over his, but instead he had taken advantage of him and made him continue in his drunkenness. _

_Darren on the other hand, had taken it pretty good. Making Chris believe that it was as much Chris' fault then it was his and that they had to live with that. Also he made Chris promise, that he would keep quiet about it. Nobody needed to know what the bruise on Darren's neck really was, especially not Mia. But with that one condition there came another. Darren made both of them promise that what had happened yesterday wouldn't affect their friendship in any way. Even though Chris hadn't quite got, how Darren could be so easy about the entire thing, he agreed. _

_A few weeks later, when the Track by Track interview with Darren was released, which had been shot just on Darren's after drunk day, they both had sat in front of Chris' laptop, laughing. The hicky was sometimes really obvious and all the fangirls had a new thing to debate about. But Chris also couldn't ignore the slight blush that had come to Darren's face, when he had start talking about him and their `Candles´ duet. It was really slight but it was still there and noticeable, when somebody took a closer look. Also Darren gestures were showing that there was something, that he was thinking of in particular when he was talking about him in that moment. How his hand wandered up to the hicky and the blush getting a little more, still almost unnoticeable though. _

Chris was smiling. The song really did reminded him of that night even though it hadn't been released back then, but there were parts of the song that fit everything that had happened that night and morning. Darren's pounding head in the morning, the blackout blur Darren had have in the morning, the obvious hicky on Darren's neck, Darren forgetting completely about the kissing, Darren telling him that he had known himself, that he had a little too much and that he had told himself over and over again, that he should stop, but just didn't. Also Darren had no idea, why he was in Chris' apartment, when he had woke up. He also had thought that his car was gone, for whatever reason and he didn't knew what he should tell Ryan, when he found out about this. But the worst for Darren definitely had been the videos. All over the world wide web were videos, showing him performing different songs, already a little more than tipsy.

The smile went wider on Chris' face and he shook his head. Now more than a year later, the whole situation seemed funny to him and even Darren had been laughing about it just two or so day later. Darren's tweet `You know you've made it when the main discussion over one of your performances is whether or not you were drunk. #Iwasactuallysleepwalking´ had made Chris smile and sigh with relief. Back then he hadn't really believed that Darren would just take it as what the night had been and move on. But he had. Without a look back, Darren had kept the promise. The situation had never affected their friendship in any way.

Chris pulled over onto the parking lot of the studios. It was deserted except for a few cars that were standing around. `What time was it ?´Chris glanced down onto the clock in the dashboard. He still was something around an hour early and he usually was one of the first at the set, so that today, he would have quite enough time to lie around in his trailer before shooting.

The guard nodded friendly when Chris walked through the gate onto the set. It was quite, unusual quite even for an early morning. There always were people running around, but he couldn't even make out one other person. The only company Chris had were the birds sitting in the trees, singing. So he made his way to his trailer. He knew that it probably wasn't the best idea when there were so many memories of his and Darren's time together, but he couldn't help it. He just had no idea where else to go and also these memories were good memories, maybe they would just make him smile about Darren's adorableness.

The door opened without much effort of energy and he stepped in, closing the door behind him. Looking around in the trailer he could see Darren lying on the sofa in front of his eyes. As usual Darren's hands under his head, his glance was focusing the ceiling.

He shook his head to get the mental image out of his head but his glance got glued to another object. It was a picture taped to one of the closets. It showed Darren, his hair curly and wild but a little bit longer than it was right now. Some locks were falling in his eyes which were rimmed with black eye liner and his expression was hilarious. Chris remembered the Harry Potter marathon they have had that night and Darren suddenly had vanished into the bathroom. When Chris had come to check on him, because he had been gone for over half an hour he had found Darren in a state of excitement. While he himself had been smiling about Darren and had been leaning against the doorframe he had snapped some pics of Darren making faces.

It had been a nice day but when Darren had come to visit him in his trailer a few days later, Chris already have had the picture taped to the closet just out of fun. Darren had busted out in laughers and he still didn't know if it had been because of the picture or because of Chris taping the picture to the closet. Also Chris still didn't have an idea where Darren had gotten the eye liner from, but he actually didn't care.

The words Darren had said while still laughing came back to him. It had been something like "Colfer, if anyone sees that pic you are so dead." And he had never intended on anyone seeing that picture, but somehow it had ended up in the worldwide web. What made Darren storm into Chris' trailer another day and start a poking war after screaming `Colfer you are so dead´ which Darren had won, just as usual.

Chris fell backwards, onto the sofa, looking at the ceiling just like he had imagined, Darren would do it. The moments creped on but Chris' surroundings stayed quite. There was nothing disturbing the silence filling the air and right now it was buging Chris a real lot. Usually he like the silence but right now he needed someone screaming and yelling at something or at least some music.

Music. Also a lot of music was connected to memories for him but he didn't care. Chris just fished his earphones out of his pocket and hocked his earphones up to his phone and hit the play button. A slow tune started playing and Chris relaxed, getting comfortable on the sofa. His eyes were closed when the music changed and pictures were floating in front of his eyes immediately. ABBA's `Dancing Queen´ filled his ears and the pictures started rushing. Darren sitting next to him, leaning against a locker. His own face covered in tears. And the Chris was completely wrapped up in the memory of the prom queen episode.

_The set of the gym was crowded with a whole lot of people. People dressed up in tux's and dresses. Cameras were standing around and Eric was yelling all over the place. Max was sitting in his king chair on stage and he himself stood on stage looking down on the people. It was moments before he and Darren would have to dance. Like really dance. The `old fashioned style of dancing´ how Cory had stated it and he was out of his mind. Sure, he could dance and everything Darren and he had to do was some swaying around but it had to look all lovey-dovey and natural not tensed up like he felt and he knew it would get even worse as soon as his body would be pressed to Darren's. Oh darn why? Why in the freaking hell had he fallen for his co-star? Why? It didn't matter because Eric was telling them to get into positions for the next shoot which would be the shoot of the dancing scene. _

_`Keep calm Chris. You can't change it anymore. Your heart choose you can't change your heart just make the best out of it.´ Chris was basically praying that he would get through another episode without blurting out with his little…uhm enormous secret. _

"_Are you okay Chris?" Chris turned around and looked directly in these hazel eyes that made him melt, facing the man that one day would make him go insane. There just in front of him with his usual smile on his face was Darren, looking concerned at him but Chris shrugged it off easily._

"_It's nothing just a headache from the music and stuff. Nothing to worry about. It'll get better." Chris smiled shortly at Darren and he turned around returning to his position outside the set. _

_Eric gave him the sign that the camera was rolling and Max started walking up to him. Together they made their way down the stage and Chris always delivering his lines in the right time. Then Max was gone, Chris staring after him and he turned around when he heard Darren's voice behind him. It was like all this wasn't scripted. Chris could tell that he must look surprised but that would just work perfect for the scene. Darren held out his hand for him to take and Chris delivered his last lines before his and Darren's body were pressed together. He just couldn't bring himself to look at Darren and obviously Darren couldn't either. As soon as their eyes met they looked in opposite directions and Chris could feel how tensed up he was, he wanted this to be over so badly. _

_Then Chris saw Darren smirking at the corners of his eyes and he started moving him a little bit more, their swaying getting a little more until finally Chris felt the stick that he had felt glued to his back vanishing and they both started moving more freely. He started smiling and when his eyes once again met the hazel ones he could see Darren's smile mirrored in them. _

_Out of the awkwardness a totally different situation had developed without Chris even really noticing. Chris and Darren were now singing at each other and the rest of the cast had joined them on the dance floor. They all were dancing and Chris didn't feel uncomfortable near Darren anymore. It was like with a wipe of something all his fear and being tensed up had vanished, for good. _

_They took a few more takes and the cast was laughing constantly. After the dancing scene being shoot Chris had fallen into a careless mood of total happiness and had also infected the rest of them. _

Chris shook his head. What was so special about that memory? He didn't even know it. It was sweet somehow but it wasn't anything like the other memories surprising him throughout the day till now. It had probably just been being this close to Darren. Yeah maybe it had been.

His eyes fell shut and he relaxed once again, listening to the music that was filling his ears. Just after a few more minutes he had drifted to sleep.

First his dream was a fuzzy blur of colors until the picture settled and he found himself walking through the streets of Dublin once again. It was still almost dark but the sky already started to turn red from the rising sun. The streets led him through various parts of the city of Dublin but he had no idea where he was going nor what he was looking for. He only knew that he like the sudden silence that surrounded him so he kept on walking.

By the time the sun had risen completely, he had made his way back to the hotel were the cast had been staying during their time in Dublin. The big monster of stone rose behind him while he himself was sitting in the wide garden of the hotel watching the sun wander in the sky. It was still early so he was taken aback when he felt a hand settling on his shoulder. Chris turned his head around to see who was standing behind him and found Darren kneeling behind him, his hand firmly lying on Chris' shoulder and a smile on his face.

"What are you doing out here so early. You should get some sleep and not sleepwalk out here." Darren shook his head but sat down next to him.

"And are you done with you part for the skit. I'm thrilled to see with what you came up this time." Darren's smile grew wider and his eyes started shining. Yeah, Chris had tried to impress Darren throughout the entire tour with different stuff and in the end the usually skit had ended up being varied almost in each city for each show. Something scripted suddenly getting out of hand. Ryan had been laughing when they had done that the first time and so they had always come up with something different. Well , better said Chris had come up with something different every time.

"Yeah I am and you better also came up with something that will knock me out because you never even tried Darren." But Darren just kept on smiling and leaning his head against Chris' shoulder staring at the sun.

"Sure I have. You will see."

And suddenly the picture changed and the dream slid into a memory. Dublin. The last show. How it all had gone down. Their last skit of the entire tour.

_Chris stood there. Waiting for the lines that would tell him that it was his time to enter the stage. And there they were. One last time entering the stage. He took the few steps and was faced with all the fans. From the other side he saw Naya coming up to Darren and Heather who were still standing close together in the middle of the stage. Okay, that wasn't scripted at all but he kept calm standing where he was, observing what was going on. _

"_You said you wanted to make out but he is take?", Naya asked. A few more lines followed but he couldn't understand them that well the fans were just too loud. Then Heather and Naya kissed shortly and Heather hug Naya before they went off stage together, hand in hand. Now it was his time. _

_He jumped over to Darren as usual and then some sentences came out of his mouth but he didn't know what exactly he said. But then there was the line __"I have… a poem." And he pulled out the piece of paper. He had written this by himself and he was sure with this he would definitely impress Darren. _

_"Blaine Warbler Anderson, I have never loved another… except for last year when I was in love with my stepbrother. I admire you almost as much as I admire the late Alexander McQueen. You're exquisite when you sing. How I missed our impromptu performances in the Dalton Academy halls, the rooms, the bleachers, where the hell were all the teachers?"__ Darren smiled his eyes beginning to shine and he had to smile himself. Yes, he did it. He impressed Darren._

_"We've seen everything eye to eye, all the pain, all the hurt. At least we did till my last growth spurt. We've shared so many intimate moments, memories that shine and glitter. Just the two of us, Facebook, MySpace, Tumblr and Twitter. Since we've met it's been absolute heaven. For your Emmy consideration, 2011. But through all the glory, the scary and the hype, I swear to god I'm going to punch the next person that calls me a stereotype. I'm so thankful to have found a partner as talented as me, and forever we shall be unless the writers change things in Season 3." He had been gesturing around the whole time but it all had been over in a blur. Now he was standing in front of Darren jumping a little bit more and delivering the lines, that for once, actually was scripted._

_"So Blaine, until that happens, I thought it'd be the perfect time… to… PROPOSE." He bent down in front of Darren just as usual. He was a little worried about what Darren had planed but other than that he was trough with it._

"_Blaine Warbler." And then he was cut off by Darren responding with a "Yes" before he could continue. _

" _Will you…Join glee club." And again he fell back onto his back and did that stupid looking bike thing that he did after the proposal since the very first show this year. After he was sitting again looking at the audience Darren came a step closer. _

_"Kurt…just, just shut up. Come here… get up, get up. Come here." Chris was confused this was definitely something that Darren had planned. Okay then let's see what you've got._

_Chris got up slowly standing next to Darren looking at him as he added, "Kurt, you had me…at Emmy." And then Darren's hand rose up and was suddenly lying on his neck the other one at his jaw line and Darren's lips were on his. He was drowning in the feeling but then he remembered that they were on stage and he had to be Kurt, so he raised his arms as if he was taken aback what he sure as hell was and then it was over. Darren's lips gone and he stumbled away a little a huge grin plaster all over his face before he played to fainted and found himself on the stage floor. Darren still standing in front of him talking to the fans about him joining glee club when he heard Darren's familiar line. _

"_Kurt I wanted to do something the Warblers never ever let me do." And he smile slightly. They were back to the script. No more surprises. Good. _

"_Wear another blazer?" Chris' voice was higher than usual but he didn't care in that moment, because Darren was turning around and squatting next to him and once again, he was a little too close. _

"_We've been through this. You love the blazer." Darren said smiling at him and Chris just nodded eagerly. And then Darren was gone from his side talking to the fans once more. One last time._

_"I've always wanted to do one of those big eighties powerhouse rock-star numbers! What do you say?"_

_Darren came back towards him. Looking happy and pleased, still smiling. Yeah okay Darren had definitely impressed him this one time he had to admit it but … _

_"Yeeeeeaaaah… no. Honey, no no no no no… It's scripted that Finn is next." And the lights went out everything was black around them. They made their way down from the stage and into their dressing room ._

"_I think I won your little completion."Darren said while still smirking at him as he changed into his next outfit. _

"_Maybe, but let's talk about that later, we don't have the time that I'll need to discuss this now." Chris smirked back at Darren and he just shook his head. _

"_Chris there is nothing to discuss I won and that's official. Your expression was priceless by the way." Darren stuck out his tongue towards him and was running into the hallway which would lead them to the point where they would enter the stage for the next number. Yeah, Darren was sometimes a kid of six in his heart but that was one thing Chris loved about Darren so much. That he could make almost everything funny and be excited about almost everything. Chris just smiled as he looked after Darren running down the hallway. He would pay him back later. _

The picture blurred and the location changed. It was still Dublin but it was a club. The club where they had have a party after the show. The last party before they would part for their `vacation´. It was another memory but it was one of these that Chris would kill for if he could change it. Everything that had happened that night had caused even more trouble in his life. All because of his stupid feelings for his best friend.

_The room he was looking at from his seat at the bar was filled with friends. The glee cast and the warblers. How could this even get better. Ohh right this day couldn't get any better because Darren had kissed him, on stage, not in a drunken haze. It had been real and slowly even he himself seemed to believe that it really happened. Said man that made his day the best ever was dancing right now. Next to Diana and Lea. The beat of the music filling everyone's ears._

_Chris was smiling while watching his friends having fun while he downed the next shot tequila and sucked on the lemon. The stuff still tasted awful but he would sooner or later get used to it. Also tonight should be fun and with his new found freedom called finally-being-twenty-one-and-being-allowed-to-drink, for him having fun involved some drinks. Thankfully also the rest of the cast thought Chris' way so that by the time of midnight everyone was tipsy and laughing. _

_At around 0:30 Darren came up to Chris extending his hand and taking a hold on Chris' wrist, trying to pull him towards the dance floor, but Chris wasn't one of the guys you could do with whatever you wanted. He pulled Darren towards him and Darren caught off guard slammed into Chris._

"_Oh Chrisy come and dance with me. I won remember. You own me something." He smile at Chris and look at him with these puppy dog eyes he knew made Chris say yes to almost everything that Darren wanted. So once again Chris gave in thinking that he had to take good care of his already pretty wasted friend. He had never before called him Chrisy. Oh my..like never and he wished it wouldn't happen again. _

_When they reached the dance floor Chris was swallowed up by the beat and the crowed. But he still really had the feeling to annoy Darren on last time._

"_Uhm and by the way my dear friend Darren Everett Criss, you didn't win." Darren looked confused moving to the beat, slightly pressing his body against Chris'. _

"_Yes I did. If you think I didn't then please my dear give me a reason." Chris shook his head. At least he hadn't called him Chrisy once again. _

_Chris' glance went stray, trying to focus on something that wasn't Darren and to find a good excuse, but suddenly Darren had one of his clear moments or at least one in which he really thought about what he was saying. _

"_Chris?" He turned around to face Darren once more and saw the huge smile on his face. Something was up with this man, Chris just didn't know what it was. _

"_You know that your ass looks awesome in these jeans?" and with that sentence Chris palm met his face. Yep, Darren was wasted and not even a little bit. But on the other hand he also was pretty much so why should he care. _

"_Thanks, Dar. You yourself don't look too bad either." He smiled while looking over his shoulder seeing Darren's smile. Totally self-confident just being Darren said man put his hands on Chris' hips and pulled him a little closer. _

"_I always wanted to do this. Being close to you because I wanted to."Chris could feel Darren's breath on his skin. His chin was resting on Chris' shoulder. _

"_But we are friends. We are always close."Chris was a little confused, but Darren was drunk no need to worry. _

"_I didn't mean that. I mean this and somehow the kiss." Chris turned around. Facing Darren. Was he just talking while drunk or did he mean any of it. Chris didn't know and think and hear anymore. His eyes were focused on Darren's lips. Full lips that fit so perfectly to his. _

"_Darren, this is payback for the on stage kiss." And with these words Chris closed the gap between them and his lips were lying on Darren's. Chris could feel his friends around them stop moving while he kiss Darren. But other than usual Darren responded instantly to the warm press of Chris' lips. He sucked on Chris' bottom lip and licked over it before Chris gave in and opened his mouth to welcome Darren's tongue. This feeling was new. Darren pressed close to him and Darren's hands in his hair and just the way they kissed. It weren't these little innocent Kurt and Blaine shared. This was something completely different. _

_It all ended to sudden at it was definitely to short but the need for air grew stronger than Chris' need for Darren and he pulled away. His forehead resting against Darren's as they breathed heavily trying to catch their breath once again. _

"_Oh my god", came it from Lea but Chris didn't even have the strength to say anything towards her or the other. To explain what was happening all he did was taking a hold on Darren's wrist and pulling him out of the room and to one of the many doors. _

Again everything went black but only because Chris didn't remember the rest of the night and his dreams went back to the blur of colors that it had been at the very beginning.

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><p><strong>So that was part one. Next part will hopefully be up by monday but sure as hell on thuesday.^^ And no there will not only be Chris. There will be whole lot of Darren too :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 1b

**As promised...here is the second part of chapter 1. **

**Thanks for all the reviews, alerts and favos. ^^**

**So just so this is clear. I started this shortly after the kiss in Dublin, so back the I thought Blaine would leave McKinley toghter with Kurt, but as recently heard Blaine is only a junior which is kind of weird because I never thought of Blaine being younger than Kurt... :D**

**Well, is this version Blaine and Kurt graduated from high school together.**

**No I'll stop talking and you guys can just go on and read... :)**

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><p>Something shook Chris and he heard his name being said. A voice saying his name. Darren's voice saying his name. Darren? Chris was wide awake in an instant. Still lying on the sofa but his blue eyes were looking up at the mess of curls and these hazel eyes, shining because of that smile on Darren's face.<p>

"Hey." Chris blinked a few times before he replied. His voice a little bit deeper from sleeping and his brain not ready to really start thinking again.

"Hey." Was all Chris' brain could come up with in the moment but who cared anyways. Obviously Darren didn't because his smile grew even a little bit wider.

"You're late and I started to worry. You usually aren't fifteen minutes late for make up so I thought that I should look after you after you didn't answer your phone."Chris expression was puzzled. Had he really been sleeping that long? It didn't matter he couldn't change it anymore. Instead of worrying a smile spread over his face and he sat up still looking at Darren.

"Oh, I'm sorry for that. So then. Let's go Dar and thanks for worrying." He got up and opened the door. The sun was in his face instantly, shining brightly and blinding him. Darren was right behind him. Chris could feel Darren's body just there behind him as he stood on the few steps down to the solid ground. He would miss this. He would miss knowing Darren was always only a few steps behind him. Always there to catch him if he would ever fall, in every way imaginable.

Darren and Chris made their way over to the makeup trailer in silence where Maria and Tessa already were waiting for them. They were both standing at the door staring at them as they slowly approached.

"Hey boys! Hurry up you two are already late, remember?", Maria called over to them smiling. But instead on hurrying up Darren and Chris just looked at each other, still not saying a word and continued their way in their slow pace, knowing that it would be the last time they would be walking this very way together. Knowing that this was their last morning doing this together. Getting into makeup, getting coffee afterwards and then listening to Ryan for a good 15 minutes in which they would actually be doing some other stuff then actually listening to what awesome stuff Ryan once aging had to tell them.

Just five minutes later Chris was shoved into a chair, Tessa standing behind him still smiling at him. She always seemed happy but today Chris thought how stupid she looked with that wide smile plastered over her face. Maybe it was just his recent mood because the entire dream thing didn't really let him go. Mia. One simple name mixed together with his Dublin memory and he had a freaking disaster spread out in front of his eyes.

Tessa was starting to put makeup on him leaving his hair all messy for now, when Chris fell back to his thought that still were raveled around his dream. And of course the consequences of that night. The fucking consequences that should have never ever had to exist but they did and knowing that they had been still hurt. He knew that a big amount of fault was on his shoulders for all the pain Darren had to go through because of that night, but also there was a part on Darren's. But still it all shouldn't have gone that way when he Darren had come back to LA.

_There were furious knocks on his door. Chris was just sitting on the couch in his living room writing on his script on one of the rare days on which he wasn't on the set of Struck By Lightning. The knocks went even more rapid down on his door when he didn't answer instantly. While shaking his head Chris got up from the couch and headed for the door._

"_I'm coming!", he yelled at the door wandering who the hell needed to see him so badly. He was surprised to find Darren standing in front of his door, his expression angry, his eyes slightly red, his curls a mess, the grin that usually was on his face whenever he showed up at Chris' was wiped of his face. _

"_How could you do this to me?", Darren yelled at him while walking past him inside of Chris' apartment. He was taken aback. What exactly did he do. He hadn't seen Darren since the morning of the 4__th__ of July back in Dublin. Darren was only back for like two or three days. What exactly did Darren accuse him for? _

"_Darren, slow down. What did I do, because I really don't get what you what from me? Talk to me." He tried to talk some sense into Darren. Trying to calm him down somehow, but his trying just went exactly into the other direction. Instead of calming down and probably coming over to Chris hugging him and spilling his heart, Darren was again yelling at Chris as if… yeah as if what?_

"_Chris, don't play stupid. You know what I'm talking about. Dublin and we were both fucking drunk! Do you know get what I'm talking about. An Alley behind a club if that is even right because…uhm I can't exactly remember where we were making out I'm sorry but I don't think you remember either, do you!" Chris was just plainly staring at his best friend. Did he really just said what Chris heard? Did he just really blame him for that night? Him and him alone as if Darren hadn't been involved in it at all? This was ridiculous. Darren's arguments when there even were argument were ridiculous. Why was he doing this? And why now and not back in Dublin because Darren hadn't mind at all waking up next to Chris. No they didn't have sex, thank god that would have made everything just awkward but Lea and Cory had told them early the next morning that Chris and Darren both had insisted on staying together in the same room. And thankfully they had both fallen asleep on Chris' bed fully clothed, but why was Darren yelling at him about that now and not that very morning, when Chris had expected him to have a major freak out sidelong with a major hangover, but all Darren had done was smiling and babbling about that everything would be okay and they would talk about it but not that very morning because his head had been killing him. _

"_Whoa, Dar, stop it right there, what is all this about. Like really? You said that we would talk about it when you would get back but you didn't say you would come storming into my apartment yelling at me while accusing me for something we were both involved in and you didn't quite seemed to mind at all?" Once again Chris tried to convince Darren to calm down with some logic but it didn't work, again. Oh… this could definitely take a little while. _

"_Yeah, maybe but I do mind now and my girlfriend… well my EX-girlfriend seemed to mind too. I just can't believe you really did this to me Chris. I never thought you would do this to me like seriously. I never thought you were one of these people." _

"_Darren, hey…what! One of these people? What? Talk straight to me and not in riddles if you have to talk to me like that. You are completely freaking out okay! Calm down! All this isn't my fault! How did Mia even find out about it because I'm pretty sure there were no cameras anywhere near us that night and neither do I think that one of the crewmembers told her!"Chris was yelling too now. He didn't know why he was yelling at his curly haired friend, but he knew that every word that came out of Darren's mouth hurt and he was trying to protect himself. Like every word cut through his skin, leaving slight wounds and lager gashes. It hurt. Chris didn't want to fight Darren he really didn't want to but he had definitely crossed a line. He had taken it too far just a little but still he did. Darren, the Darren Chris knew wouldn't have been freaking out like this standing in Chris' apartment yelling at him blaming him for his girlfriend breaking up with him because he had have a drunken make out session. No Chris' Darren wouldn't do that. Chris' Darren would have come to him. Talk to him about it and maybe Chris would have been holding him, comforting him while Darren was trying to get over everything that happened. Chris would have been okay with taking his part of the fault for all of that but now he just wanted to just push everything away from him. Pushing Darren out of the door together with his memories of the night._

"_Mia isn't stupid! She counted two and two together! She was yelling at me because of the on screen kiss. She was yelling at me for the on stage kiss and then she just barked something like `I wouldn't wonder if you two gays were making out in one of Dublin's alleys´! After that she slapped me and left yelling I should never ever show up again! Chris I Loved her and I told you like a zillion times and you still just kissed me! You dragged me into this entire thing! If you wouldn't have kissed me that night everything would be okay, but you did and that changes everything! Do you get that! It's never going to be the same with us!" Darren made a furious gesture between the two of them just like he had done on the stage in Dublin, but Darren's face was still in a stony mask of anger. _

"_You are probably the reason why it's never going to be the same. You and your gay sexual frustration! You almost jumped me! I just can't…" Darren was still yelling at him, how he was the one ruining their friendship, his relationship, the chemistry between them on screen and bla bla bla. Chris didn't want hear it. Darren had already hurt him enough. Not only blaming him for the making out but also for the break up and their friendship going to shit. This was definitely far too much behind the line Chris could stand. It was all too much. Too hurtful. And most of that crap also was partly Darren's fault too. _

_Chris glanced around focusing his stare on his keys and his wallet lying on the sideboard next to the door. Could he risk it to just leave? Leave Darren behind with all his issues? He wouldn't hear what he had to say anyways and he would definitely not calm down because Chris would start to talk to him nicely. Darren thought that everything he said was the truth and that he was right so nothing would change that for now. _

_Darren was still yelling at him and Chris felt the tears whelm up inside him. No he wouldn't also give Darren the satisfaction of seeing him cry. That would only make him believe that Chris was sorry and that he was obviously right in all ways. No he needed to get out of here. Now. Chris didn't even need to have a second thought about it. He was past Darren, grabbing the keys and his wallet and was out of the door of his apartment in an instant. _

"_You really do hate me, don't you?" Chris heard Darren yelling after him but he didn't turned around. _

"_No, Dar, I don't hate you. I love you but right now I just can't face you." He said softly under his breath inaudible for everyone but him while feeling the first tears running over his cheeks. Why Darren? Why did you do this? That was everything his mind revolved around but he didn't find an answer for that question. _

"Chris? Chris? Hey Chris!" Chris was still sitting in his chair staring blankly into the mirror that was hanging in front of him not seeing anything. It was like nothing was working except for his brain that was still thinking about that memory that Chris hated so much.

Then there was a slight brush. Skin against skin and then there was a hand close to his ear.

"Chrisy?" He snapped back into reality turning around instantly and staring right at Darren who laughed out shortly and displayed a wide grin on his face once again.

"Yep, thought that might work." With these words the grin grew even wider as Chris got up and started chasing Darren out of the trailer and over the entire set to where they would meet up with Ryan and the rest of the cast and crew.

Darren was holding his stomach, laughing and trying to catch his breath when Chris arrived, he himself being a little bit out of breath.

"Do you wanna die on your last day on the glee set Darren, because I definitely could make that happen." Chris looked at his friend serious but couldn't hold up the straight face for too long before also a smile crept it's way on his face.

"I'm willing to take the challenge." Darren ginned at him. "You'll never going to win anyways and you know that." And then Darren poked his tongue out before turning around and entering the small building in front of them leaving Chris standing there, still smiling to himself. Darren wouldn't let him be all depressed on their last day and Chris was really thankful that Darren would be kicking his ass if he would fall into one of his holes again, because he knew there might be the possibility that he would fall.

Chris followed Darren into the building. They only came here in the morning and sometimes to hang out between shoots when it was raining, but it still held some memories. Mostly good ones. Some were they had all been sitting together laughing their butt off about random stuff. Others involving Darren grabbing a guitar from the instruments and playing for them. Hearing Darren sing all the songs for glee was awesome but Darren singing his own stuff or less popular songs was even better.

Said man just had disappeared through an open door. They had reached the room in which the meeting usually took place and there he was. Ryan Murphy. Sitting on a chair flipping through some papers while some other cast members were sitting around and were talking. Lea and Diana had their heads together and shortly looked at him and Darren when they entered the room before they focused on their conversation once again. Cory, Mark and Harry also were gathered in another corner of the room debating about football or baseball or some other sport.

"Hey Darren, hey Chris.", came a voice from behind them. Chris didn't need to look to know it was Ashley who had just entered the room.

"Hey." They both greeted and Chris went over to hug her.

"Let's go and grab a seat. It's already like twenty five minutes late and Ryan is still as cool as a cucumber." Ashley dragged both of them over to some chairs and Chris sat down thankfully. He hadn't slept that much the last night and his short nap on the couch in his trailer hadn't helped that much either. He just had settled down and got as comfortable as possible in the plastic chair, when Lea and Diana came up to them.

"Chris, do you have a minute? We would like to talk to you." Lea smiled at him but he just looked up at them through his eye lashes trying to tell them that `no he didn't have time to talk to them´ but instead he got up sighing a "Yeah, sure" and followed them .

They both turned around staring him down, before Diana finally started talking to him in a low voice so that no one but him and Lea could hear her.

"I hope you didn't tell Darren about the party, did you? Because he decided we are not going to tell him. It also is the warp up party for season 3 but mostly it's Darren's `good bye´ party and we want it to be a surprise. Uhm… so after the shooting is done just change and then shove him into your car and bring him to the club…"

Chris opened his mouth to say that Darren always came with his own car to the set and that he almost all the time came here himself without a driver. But before he even could start Lea cut him off.

"No Darren came with the driver this morning, so it'll all be no problem." She smile brightly and Chris just let out a breath.

"Okay, I'll do it and no I haven't told him yet. Does everyone else know about your little plan?"

They nodded and Lea raised her phone. "Everything is already organized", she said while she shook it.

Chris looked at them then his glance meet the ground, while he turned around. To his right side Ryan had stood up now looking at the now completely gathered cast that was sitting around all over the room. Darren had found himself a new seat a little bit more in the back of the room, aside from the others and was now smiling at Chris once again, his eyes shining with his smile.

He made his way across the room and settled down next to Darren, shooting a smile at him before he focused his glance on Ryan who had started talking.

Ryan's words washed over Chris but he didn't really seem to get what Ryan was talking about. Most of the things he said went straight elsewhere instead of into Chris' consciousness. His thoughts had driven away once again. Triggered by the memory from earlier now the memory of Darren's and his sorry crept its way into the foreground of Chris' thinking. It had been the beginning of shooting and rehearsing when Darren finally had come to talk to him. To apologize for what he had done a moth earlier or so. And it had been just about time because Chris hadn't known for how much longer he could have been looking at their friendship all shattered on the floor but he also had vowed to himself that Darren needed to be the one that wanted to fix what happened.

_Ryan Murphy was yelling at him. Wait what? Why was Ryan yelling at him? Ryan never ever before had been yelling at him. But there his `fairy godfather´ how he called himself was, yelling at him. Just in that moment he looked over at Darren standing next to him. His head titled down, his eyes staring at the blank grey stone under his feet and Ryan was still yelling. _

"_If you two don 't get your carp sorted out this will need to have consequences, because I think you both know we can't shoot Klaine scenes with this chemistry. Oh… wait right. There is none and I really am applying to you both that when you come back here in half an hour I have the Chris and the Darren back that I had back at the tour." Ryan stared them both down and Chris felt his glaze staying on him. _

"_And Chris, you haven't been sleeping, have you? Because you really look like and I can't say it differently like carp. I told you to sleep."_

_Chris stared at the ground. Yeah, Ryan had told him and Ryan also knew why he haven't been sleeping and instead working himself to a state of exhaustion that when he was falling asleep no dreams would haunt him. _

_Ryan never should have known about the entire thing with Darren and him and the fight and all the other stuff that had been going on but after a few worried calls from Ashley, Lea and Amber, telling him that Chris was everything but fine, Ryan had insisted that Chris told him what was going on. It had been a whole lot of work for Chris to tell Ryan because he had never before told anyone about his feelings for Darren, but Ryan had sat there nodding and obviously understanding what Chris felt. And when they had hung up Ryan had said, "Chris, I knew it the entire time. That you had a thing for him." Then the line had been dead. Chris had been staring at the phone in shock, but had recovered. Ryan knew him through and through even though Chris didn't know why Ryan could see through his emotions so easily. _

"_No, I haven't." His glaze still focused on the ground. He knew that he should have but the thought of going back to set for season 3 the next morning had consumed him. Not in particular the shooting itself but having to face Darren was…quite a problem with his still broken heart. It had been an entire month without a sorry or an e-mail or any sign that Darren hadn't meant what he had said. And then coming back here being around him the whole day… that was a problem but until now Chris had done his best to avoid Darren till they had to shoot and the shoot had gone…well anything else than good. It had been awful or even worse. Chris didn't want to know._

_An angry sigh from Ryan was followed by some more lecture._

"_Chris, I really can't believe that you're 21 and can't even take care of yourself that much that you know when it's enough. Maybe I'll hire someone that will put you to bed if it doesn't work otherwise or to turn off all the electricity at whatever eleven or ten o'clock. You are insane and if you're going on like this you'll have a burn out. Is it that what you want? Because when that happens you can cancel a lot that you had planned for your future. Do you get that?"Another sigh. Chris really felt terrible now that Ryan was pointing it out and further on he also thought that Ryan must think he was dealing with a little kid not older then maybe ten or something. When had he sunk so low?_

"_One and a half hour. Then you two are back her and I mean your old self's not these new one's that I really can't stand. Got it? Good. Now off with you two." Ryan looked once again between Chris and Darren, before he turned around and left them. The moment Ryan was out of sight Chris also turned around, walking rather running back to his trailer the only thought on his mind to get away from Darren fearing what he would yell at him next. _

_Minutes later Chris' stomach hit the couch and his face was buried in a pile of pillows. This all would end in a disaster. Seems like it really all was his fault, wasn't it? Hiding away in here when he should been talking to Darren about what Chris himself did wrong because that could be what Darren wanted to hear. Darren would want that he apologized for everything that happened to him, but Chris wouldn't. Or at least not until Darren finally saw that everything was an equal share of fault that had led to their recent situation as a consequence. _

_He was exhausted, the hurt still lingered under his skin and was always being present in his mind even though it had been a month since the day Chris had stormed out of his own apartment leaving Darren behind. And now that there was this hint of sadness coming back, Chris felt how his overly sensitive self that he was without enough sleep started to cry. It wasn't a waterfall of tears but a few drops of water were on his cheeks, being soaked away instantly by the pillows. He hated it when he was this sensitive person that was acting out its emotion even though they were small. It only took a hint of anger or sadness to set him off yelling at someone or to start crying. He hated it. He hated it so much but he couldn't change who he was right now. _

_A knock on his door ripped him out of his misery for a short seconds, but he didn't even made the effort to lift his head. _

"_Come in.", he said muffed into the pillows, before he started thinking. The only person that would be coming through that door would be Darren and Chris didn't quite want to see him right now. Not only that he didn't want to give Darren the satisfaction to see his eyes red and his cheeks also flushed with red from the tears. He would definitely think it was because Chris knew that it all was his fault and he so upset about that. _

_The door opened and only by the way the steps shifted on the floor and the familiar smell of his friend Chris could tell it was Darren. He didn't want to look at him, didn't want to face him. _

"_Chris, I really think we need to talk about this…this state of whatever we are in." Chris didn't want to talk, to listen to what he had to say because Darren still would think he had been right. But Chris fought down the urge just to stay lying on the couch, face buried in the pillows. He sat up looking shortly at Darren before he pulled his legs up against his chest and rested his chin on his knees. _

"_Okay, then let's talk."Chris looked at the curly hair man that was standing in front of him and he realized that Darren's hazel eyes had something to them that he never had seen there before. _

_Darren came closer to him and reached out to place one hand over Chris' holding onto his leg. Chris wanted to back away but didn't. It wouldn't make the situation any better and he knew that so he let Darren's hand stay over his while Darren tried to look him in the eyes and finally kneeled down in front of him, coming to his eye level and finally found Chris' blue eyes looking at him. _

"_First of all I'm sorry for who I was back there that day. I didn't know what came over me and I didn't know what was happening I just knew I was so angry and I needed to release the pressure that was inside me but I just came over to yours instead and exploded, taking everything out on you. That was wrong. That was so wrong and I know that now but I didn't back then. Also I'm sorry for overstepping the line. The clear line of sane arguing and just plain insanity. I also overstepped the line by blaming everything one you. And only so you know, I now also know that it isn't all your fault. I want you to know that I know now too. But I guess the worst was that it took me so long to realize how wrong I was back then because I started realizing how wrong I was the moment I saw you walking on set. I'm sorry for being such an enormous ass of a friend and causing you so much pain, because I look at you and I see that you're everything but okay. I know that I put you trough a lot and I could totally understand if your friendship will never will be the same but I don't want to lose you. So please Chris, try to forgive me with the time and don't tell me that I lost you, because I couldn't take that. You mean a lot too much to me that I will give up on you like this." Chris could see the tears in Darren's eyes and he knew he meant every word he had just said. He finally really had realized what he all had done to him with throwing all that stuff at him, but Chris needed time to start forgiving him. A part of him already had because that part never could be angry with Darren, but the other part needed time and the reasons Darren had done what he did. Why Darren had been yelling at him._

"_Darren, why did you even start the entire thing of? What was the catalyst for all of that?" Chris looked into Darren's hazel eyes being able to withstand the urge to look away._

"_I needed someone to blame it all on. I told you a few times about how much Mia meant to me and she really did. I just couldn't stand it that my dream my career was the reason for what I wanted to fall shattering to the floor. And because Mia had been yelling at me about that she thought I might be gay because I was making out with you on TV on stage and when drunk even though she didn't know for a 100 percent the reason for our love shattering to the ground was right there. You. It was practically yelling at me. The idea that it all was your fault started growing stronger until it consumed me and I was positive that it really was your fault. I got eaten up by the idea and Mia saying something like `this is all Colfer's fault´ didn't really help to shake he from my insanity either. I thought I was right and I wanted to have someone to blame, but I have to be honest here, because I always was with you, the moment you stormed out of your own apartment leaving me standing there, my heart was yelling at me `what did you do, idiot! ´. My heart I think forgave you in that moment because it knew that I made this giant mistake. My heart forgave you for kissing me and for it being the catalyst for Mia breaking up with me. But my head was yelling at me that this was right. Right to blame you…Chris I can't even tell you how sorry I am for all this. Please, Chris. Try to forgive me. I know it won't be today or tomorrow, but that maybe one day this won't be between us anymore." Darren was begging. Begging on his knees that Chris would forgive him for what he had done and Chris couldn't look at him. He had never thought that Darren really would regret it that much. _

_Darren's head fell against Chris' knees. He was hoping that Chris would say something, but Chris was just speechless. And then Darren couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't take the silence anymore and looked at Chris once again. Chris looked at his friend and saw his pig puppy dog eyes and somehow the little kid of six had crept its way on Darren's face. He looked at Chris like a six year old wanting his mum or dad to forgive him for something he did and Chris just couldn't hold it back anymore. A few tears were running down his face while he shortly laughed out and his face was light with a sad and small smile. One of his hands wandered into Darren's hair and pressed his head against Chris' knees. His fingers playing with Darren's curls while he thought about what to say. _

"_Dar, you're almost completely forgiven but there still is a part that needs some time to heal the wounds but I think a few day or so will do. We'll be fine. It's just…I somehow can't be mad at you when you are around me. I don't really work when we had a fight and then you're just gone. And the worst thing is that you are the poison and the cure and I just…I can't help to forgive you…also I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry Dublin happened. If I had been stronger I wouldn't have let myself take control and just do what my drunken brain told me to. If I would have been stronger I would have said no to your touches and it never would have come that far. If I would have been stronger I would have…" But he was cut off by Darren looking up at him._

"_Stop right there Chris. That's exactly where I lost it. Where I as well as you lost control of the situation okay. Our fault not yours entirely and not mine entirely. Ours.__ And again. Did you __see that line. Well I never should have crossed it and you know that. The yelling. I did it and it's not only the yelling. Don't you remembered what stuff I accused you for. That's my fault. Making you feel miserable and accusing you for things you never did. Well I never should have said any of that and you know it, at least I shouldn't have said any of it like I did.__That is the very moment that__  
><em>_I wish that I could take back. I would give everything to take the entire fight back and you really don't have to be sorry okay. We have an equal share of fault for the stuff that happened in Dublin but you didn't pick up the fight. I did so I have to be sorry."_

_Chris looked at Darren for a short second before he slid of the couch and slumped to the ground next to him and drew his curly hair friend into a hug. His arms firmly around Darren and Darren's arms were around him. The familiar feeling filled him, the familiar smell of Darren lingered in his nose and he felt Darren's warmth just right there where he had missed it. _

"_I missed you. I missed you so much you can't even imagine."_

"_No, but I know that I don't want to lose you as my friend, like ever."_

_When they came back to set Ryan seemed pleased and everything fell back into their normal pattern after just two or three days. Their friendship was still as close as it had been before but it was different. Chris had learned to bury and lock away his feelings for Darren so that something like that could never happen again. But after all you could say that nothing really had changed between them. It was good because Chris never had wanted to lose Darren either, but knowing that Darren felt the same and he had been the one fixing their friendship was a really good reason to believe him by heart not that Chris ever had doubt it. _

"Hey Chris, come back here." Chris shook his head and then looked over at Darren. What had he been saying? What was up?

"What where you saying?", Chris whispered back at Darren before he tried to fix his eyes on Ryan in the front.

"Oh, just that you should come back here and quite hanging around in wonderland with your thoughts." Darren smiled before he added, " live in the here and now instead of the past." He winked and then turned away from Chris looking at Ryan.

Chris couldn't quite focus on what Ryan was saying. There were too many things on his mind that he didn't even try to sort out everything right then and there. His thoughts just had wandered to how he would get Darren to come with him after shooting when Ryan said his name.

"Chris, Darren you too will be shooting in about 15 so be ready. I'll see you there to go over the last details because we decided to change some small thing but you'll see. Okay the rest of you is dismissed until someone gets them, we don't really know how long the goodbye scenes will take so just be ready… Good."

Ryan turned and headed off, leaving them behind. Most of the others had started to chat away once again. Smiling and laughing and enjoying the day. Chris looked over at Darren and meet his friends eyes shining and a smile on his face.

"Come let's get going."Darren took hold of Chris' wrist and pulled him up from his chair and towards the door. He led Chris out of the building and then he let go of Chris' wrist and was looking at him.

"So, about your little challenge…" There was an evil smile on Darren's face that never meant something good, so Chris cut him off.

"Later, Dar. Now we should concentrate on our very last scene for probably a while." Darren's confused look told Chris that until now no one had told him about the state of the spin-off.

Ryan, Lea and Cory as well as Chris had agreed to a spin-off at the very beginning of season 3 of Glee and Ryan had already started writing as well as talking to the responsible people, but until now they never had heard a real yes or a real no. Everything was still hanging on thin strings. Also Ryan and Chris had talked about the possibility of Darren joining the spin-off because a lot of fans just didn't want to see their favorite couple breaking up. It all wasn't set properly by now and so Chris just went with the worst. He wouldn't film with Darren ever again.

"If there won't be a spin-off there won't be any more Klaine which means no more shooting together." Now Darren's expression changed from confused to…uhm…yeah probably a little sad.

"Don't even think about it. Live here and now Chris. Worry about what's coming when it's time but it certainly isn't now." Chris shook his head.

"Okay, Sir. Whatever you say." Darren just rolled his eyes in response when they entered the set. But just in the moment Darren and Chris both stood there Ryan and the rest of the crew came up to them and Ryan grabbed Darren and Chris by the shoulders and led them outside. They ended up at a meadow. Chris had thought they would try to set everything inside but obviously he had been wrong. He turned around and looked at Ryan who was smiling at him and then turned his head towards Darren.

"We want you to sing. Live. Without playback. It has to sound real and pure and the best way to do that is if you would sing live." Darren just nodded in response and then Ryan again took hold of both of their shoulders.

"The scene will go the exact same way as it is scripted just the surrounding is different. Darren you'll hear a car honk that is your sing to say good bye to Chris, Kurt, and leave. By the way you two did a great job through these past two years." Ryan smiled once again and turned around while yelling a "everyone on their positions" and went to his seat.

In that moment Chris became Kurt seeing Blaine instead of Darren standing in front of him. The cameras around them started rolling but Kurt just saw Blaine and nothing else around them. His cheeks were slightly rosy and there was a smile on his face when Blaine took his hands. He expected Blaine to say something but instead of a speech an heart reeking goodbye, his boyfriend opened his mouth and he sang. Just like always when he tried to tell someone how he felt and couldn't express himself with words.

**Never knew I could feel like this****  
><strong>**Like I've never seen the sky before**

Blaine leaned forward and shortly pressed his lips against Kurt's before he came face to face with him again looking him in the eyes and Kurt could see the hazel shimmer.

**Want to vanish inside your kiss****  
><strong>**Everyday I love you more and more****  
><strong>**Listen to my heart can you hear it sing****  
><strong>**Telling me to give you everything****  
><strong>**Seasons may change, winter to spring****  
><strong>**But I love you until the end of time**

**Come what may****  
><strong>**Come what may****  
><strong>**I will love you until my dying day**

**Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place****  
><strong>**Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace****  
><strong>**Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste****  
><strong>**It all revolves around you****  
><strong>**And there's no mountain too high****  
><strong>**No river too wide****  
><strong>**Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side****  
><strong>**Storm clouds may gather,****  
><strong>**And stars may collide****  
><strong>**But I love you**

Kurt smiled at Blaine but there was a tear running over his face as he repeated the line.

**I love you**

Blaine smiled back at him and there also was a sad smile spread over his face and tears in his eyes. His hazel eyes were shimmering with them as he went on.

Until the end of time

And again Kurt repeated the line after Blaine had finished. He squeezed Blaine's hands and he looked at him. Kurt could feel his glance on him.

**Until the end of time**

**Come what may****  
><strong>**Come what may**

This time Kurt was the one saying the words first.

**I will love you...**

He just couldn't hold back any longer and just pulled Blaine into an embrace as Blaine sang out the last line.**  
><strong>**  
>I will love you until my dying day...<strong>

"I told you I never wanted to say good bye to you and you still make me do it." Kurt said while his face was buried at Blaine's neck and his hands were stroking over his back. The movement of the hand over his back felt good and comforting and suddenly Kurt was Chris again. A Chris that was slapped in the face with the fact that he had to go through the exact same thing today, just a few hours from now. More tears streamed down his face but Blaine, Darren, whoever started talking.

"I told you I could make it happen that you could come with me." ,Blaine said. He had told Kurt over and over again that he had the money to pay Kurt's tuition at whatever college he wanted to go but he had refused.

"Blaine you know I can't do that plus I want to show my dad I can take care of myself."His voice was filled with sadness, because Chris knew how much Kurt wanted to stay with Blaine but he also knew Kurt wouldn't make Blaine stay here just because of him.

Blaine put one finger under his chin and made Chris face him. He looked at Darren or Blaine? He saw the same sadness mirrored in his eyes but there was a slight smile spread over his face.

"I love you, Kurt and that is why I will never say good bye to you, because you will always stay here. You are always with me." Darren took his hand and placed it right over his heart and he laughed out shortly, some more tears running down his face.

Darren cupped one of his cheeks and he leaned into the touch but didn't meet his eyes.

"Hey." Darren said softly and directed his face so that he was looking at him. Chris shortly saw the smile on Darren's face before he leaned in and kissed him. Darren's lips moved against his, no Kurt's. Blaine and Kurt. The kiss was sweet and loving and over to soon. As Blaine pulled back he put his forehead against Kurt's.

"You know it's true. I'll love you even though you are not around me all the time. I won't forget you, but I want you to know that you are free. If you like someone and want to date him go for it and don't think too much. All I want is for you to be happy, Kurt." Blaine's thumb stroked over his cheek and the touch felt so good. Familiar and like home.

"If that's what you want…But when I have to follow that rule you also need to follow it." Blaine smiled sadly once again.

"If that's what you want." He nodded against Blaine's forehead.

"When I come to New York and you still want me I'll be yours again though?" Blaine's smile went from sad to something that looked a little more happy.

"But only if you still want me." Kurt laughed through his tears.

"How couldn't I?" That made Blaine laugh out too but soon they heard the honk of a car and Kurt's face once again torn with sadness.

"I love you Kurt."

"I love you, too, Blaine."

Blaine leaned forward and pressed one last kiss to Kurt's lips before he led go of Kurt and turned around and started walking away, before he turned around one last time.

"I'll see you, Kurt."

And then he ran to were the parked car was standing and Kurt couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

"Cut! Guys that was wonderful. A little more interpretation then I usually wanted but this looked so real. Good job. We'll do some more takes but first you two can take 5."

Darren came over to were Chris was still standing, the tears still not under control. Chris took a deep breath trying to hide that he was crying for real before Darren notice but it was already too late. Darren's strong arms closed around him and pulled him into an embrace. His hand was rubbing over Chris' back.

"Chris it's okay. It's okay. Please stop crying, hell you know how that get's to me." Chris knew so he took a few more deep breathes and calmed a little. The tears stopped and he looked Darren in the eyes. Hazel meeting a light blue with stains of grey.

"I'm sorry. I know you don't like seeing me cry." Darren nodded and wiped with his thumb over Chris' cheeks.

"Yeah and you know why…" Darren smiled.

"Because you think I look much more pretty when I'm smiling." Chris tried a smile himself and felt his face light up by a tiny smile.

"Are you better, because I think we have to go through this a couple of more times." Darren's smile was still displayed and Chris just looked at his curly haired friend, trying to capture this moment.

"I guess." He pulled Darren close once again and whispered a "Thanks" into Darren's ear before he pulled back.

They had to shoot the scene several more times but the entire situation didn't get to Chris as bad as the first time. He had his tears under control but by the end of the shoot he really needed some distraction from the previous.

They were on their way back to the trailers, when Darren spun around and faced Chris, a broad smile on his face his eyes light by the smile. He was walking backwards and tried not to fall because Chris' pace was rather fast.

"So now that we are done with our duty for the day, how about we get back to important stuff. Your little challenge. Are you still up for it or are you giving up because you know I will win?" Darren's smile now had something vicious to it and Chris knew what that meant. He laughed out shortly.

"Dream on."Chris winked before he jumped forward and almost made Darren fall backwards hadn't Chris got hold on him and help him upright, but within seconds Darren had recovered and started poking Chris in the side. Chris tried to pay him back but Darren had some practice and knew where he had to go to make Chris laugh and incapable of moving.

"Darren…oh…Darren." That was everything Chris got out between laughs and Darren seemed pleased.

"What is it?" Darren stopped his attack on Chris which was what Chris had hoped for.

"Nothing." His smile was as vicious as Darren's had been when he escaped Darren and ran to his trailer hoping to find some safety there, but Darren was right at Chris' heels, chasing him.

Chris reached his trailer ran up the few steps and was about to throw the door shut when he found Darren's food in between the door an it's frame. He threw himself with not too much force against the door so he wouldn't hurt Darren but he wouldn't move his food.

"Na, na, na, na my friend. You're not getting rid of me quite yet, I'm sorry." Chris felt how Darren from the opposite side leaned against the door to open it and it wasn't for Chris being weak but just for the fact that he wanted Darren to come in that he got off of the door and Darren fell with the door into the trailer. He stumbled shortly before he got his balance back and then he stood there. Still that smile on his face and his eyes shining brightly.

"You are so dead, Chris…y."And then Darren jumped at Chris making him stumble and fall onto the couch Darren following him, because he couldn't catch himself from falling anymore. Both of them were laughing hard as they lay there Darren on top of Chris. Then Darren suddenly stopped laughing and looked serious.

"Do you surrender to the great Darren?" Chris looked up at Darren his face in an expression of thinking.

"Never!" Chris replied and his expression as serious as Darren's and then Darren sat up on top of him Darren's hands tackling Chris' sides once again. Chris' body shook with laughter and Darren just smiled as much seeing Chris laughing.

Still tackling Chris with his fingers Darren asked again.

"Do you surrender now?" He stopped his movement to let Chris catch his breath and looked down at him still sitting on Chris.

Chris looked up in the beautiful hazel eyes of Darren and slapped him mentally for even noticing or calling them beautiful. `Darren is your friend not the potential boyfriend your stupid mind wants him to be. Stop it and just shut up.´ Chris tried to not feel Darren on him try not to response to Darren's touches to much. He had learned to just ignore the fluttering of his heart and the prickling of his skin when Darren pulled him by the wrist or hugged him. All that all day stuff he had learned to take as normal and nothing special he had learned to ignore the response his body showed to every touch of Darren, but this didn't happen every day and the touching was quite a little too much to be good for the sanity of Chris' mind. Plus the previous scene and the kiss. Yeah well that didn't make the entire thing anything less difficult if any, it made it even worse, because Chris caught himself right in that moment graving for Darren to lean forward and kiss him. That Darren just leaned down and Chris could feel every inch of Darren against him and that then Darren would kiss him. But once again Chris mentally slapped himself. `Oh god Colfer stop already. You're being ridiculous. Darren is your friend and you have to get over this pathetic crush, just forget about it. Not possible. Never. Not in a zillion years.´

"Chris are you okay?" Darren looked concerned down at him. Probably Chris had been staring blankly at Darren or somewhere else during his little mental swooning session. Chris shortly shook his head before he was back to what was happening and his fingers found Darren's sweet spot. Instantly Darren's body shook and the room echoed from laughter. Darren gave out over him and fell back down covering Chris, but Chris knew that was one of Darren's strategies because now Darren hide his sweet spot from Chris' reach but he himself still had enough of Chris to work with. Just in that very second Chris once again felt Darren's fingers on his sides and he started laughing.

Darren looked satisfied when Chris got a short glimpse of his face, he knew that soon enough he would have to surrender. He had never beaten Darren and he never would. Darren was just the unbeatable master of poking and tickling and no one would change that,` not even the amazing Chris Colfer´ how Darren had said once.

"I ask one last time. Do you surrender?" Chris could barely speak because Darren's finger where still tackling his sides.

"Oh…yes…oh Darren…please…yes…just stop!" Darren jumped off of him and the grin on his face spoke of victory.

"Told you that you would never win." He shook his head at Chris for even trying but Chris just got up to his elbows still lying on the couch looking at Darren.

"Maybe. But maybe I never tried to." He shoot Darren a grin before continuing. "So coming over to hang out before you leave?"

"Sure, don't have anything better to do." Darren pocked out his tongue and shoot Chris another grin that said everything.

"Ha-ha, well okay. I'll better change and you should consider the same." Darren looked down his body and found himself still wearing his Blaine outfit. Chris smile shortly to himself as he saw the look on Darren's face as if he really had totally forgotten that he had been wearing these clothes.

"Okay. See you in 10 at your car." With that Darren turned around and left Chris trailer. The door fell shut and Chris grabbed his clothes out of the tiny closet and started to change.

15 minutes later Darren came walking onto the parking lot. His curls were damp probably from washing the gel out of them and his style was rather going for comfortable then Darren's usual choice of clothing. A purple v neck shirt, a grey cardigan and a pair of black jeans. On top of that Darren was wearing his super adorable glasses instead of the usual contacts. Chris saw all of that in just a few seconds and once again slapped himself mentally.

"Hey, you're late." Darren took the few last steps before he was standing in front of Chris.

"Yeah, I'm sorry took all a little longer then intended. But are we good to go now?"Chris nodded, opened the door and slipped inside the car while Darren walked around and got into the passenger seat.

The drive went over mostly filled with chit chat when Darren noticed that they were indeed not going to Chris' place.

"Hey man where are we going because we are totally wrong if we wanted to go to your place." Chris shoot his curly haired friend an grin and a " yeah, I know" before concentrating back onto the street.

"Then enlighten me please. Where are we going?" But Chris stayed focused on the street.

"Not saying. You'll find out soon enough." Even though Chris himself found the entire surprise party thing a little stupid he kept his word and didn't tell Darren until he pulled into the parking lot of a nearby club.

Chris had been here before with Lea, Dianna, Ashley and Amber to check it out and he knew it was nothing special. A dance floor, a bar, a little stage. Nothing special but it was enough for them. Lea had booked the entire thing for the night so they could party the entire night without being careful or surrounded by other people.

"So you're taking me to a club." Darren stated next to Chris.

"Yeah, basically that's what I'm doing." His friend sighed next to him.

"Chris, you know I can't get drunk. I still have to fly tomorrow morning, like around 5 am, so please explain yourself and your grandiose idea." Chris blushed slightly. He really couldn't lie. Darren had learned seeing when Chris was lying after only a few days, he just couldn't do it and still Chris also couldn't tell him, because how he knew Darren he would talk Chris into skipping the entire thing and hanging out at Chris' place and well he couldn't have that, not when he was going on tour with Lea and the others another time.

"Just come with, Dar. No questions." Darren's eyebrows were raised and he looked up at Chris with a `what are you up to´ look but followed him none the less. Darren sometimes was really like a puppy with his big eyes and his adorable behavior. Chris smiled shortly at the thought but when Darren stood next to him and asked what he was smiling about, he wiped the smile of his face and instead shoved Darren into the small club.

When Darren was standing in the room a loud `surprise´ echoed through it as if this was a surprise birthday party instead of a goodbye. Chris rolled his eyes and felt Darren's eyes trying to…maybe stab him. His look definitely was saying something like `you so knew about this, didn't you? I really hate you. I just wanted a nice last night with you and instead…uhm I hate you Colfer´. Yeah Darren's glance definitely said something like that, Chris was sure when he shortly looked over at Darren and their eyes met.

He mumbled a short `I'm sorry´ before he made his way out of the crowd of cast members that were gathered around Darren and over to the bar where Chris to his surprise saw a very happy looking Ryan Murphy.

"Doesn't seem like Darren is all too happy with this.", Ryan said while Chris was seating himself on a barstool.

"Yeah, well actually no. He probably hates me right now." There was a quick grin on his face but it faded when he saw Ryan's expression.

"The looks he is giving you right now definitely speak of hate.", Ryan laughs out and chucks. Chris looked over at Darren and he is occupied with being in the center of attention. Usually that was just Darren. He didn't mind to be the one in the spotlight.

"So, do you think you can handle not having him around?" It was probably meant as a joke but Chris instantly defended himself.

"Hey, I lived through the one and a half moth he was on Broadway so quit it." Ryan laughed once again but didn't comment Chris' statement. It had been right, he had made it through the time Darren had been on Broadway without getting any super sleeping problems or other stuff like before, but he had tried to tell Ryan over a million time, it all just had happened because he hadn't known if they would ever be friends again. It had been the fear of losing him that had kept him awake and occupied with horrible nightmares.

After a few more minutes Darren came over looking at Chris as if he had just said that Disney was for babies.

"How could you do this to be, Chris?" Darren's arms fell onto the counter top, his head following and burying his face in his arms. Chris smiled and order Tequila.

"You love it, though. Here this'll probably help loosen you up a little." He shoved the shot glass into Darren's hand and gestured to the salt and lime. But Darren just sighed.

"Chris, you know I can't get drunk." Another sigh, his head still buried in his arms.

"Nah, one shot won't make you drunk and I really don't intend to forget this and don't remember saying goodbye to you." Chris smiled and licked the salt from his skin that he had just placed there, downed the shot and sucked on the lime.

"C'mon Dar. It's our last night, please. Let's have some fun." And Chris was just thinking about finishing ala Lady Gaga with `This beat it sick. I wanna take a ride on your disco stick´ when the full meaning of the words came back to him.

"Okay, you win. One just for you and our friendship." Darren held up the shot glass and smiled at Chris before he licked his skin and put some salt on it.

"For our crazy friendship.", Darren said before he licked the salt and downed the shot, before he reached for the lime and sucked on it. His face was screwed into a grimace of dislike. His nose was in wrinkles and his eyes were squeezed shut.

"Nasty stuff.", Darren said before he was smiling once again and Chris couldn't help but shake his head and laugh.

"Oh, yeah sorry. Forgot you didn't like Tequila." A huge grin spread over his face and Darren was just looking at him with a similar expression.

"Dance with me, my single lady." Darren said and Chris looked up at him through his eyelashes his expression almost screaming `you've got to be kidding me´ but Darren just smiled and Chris finally gave in.

"Fine my little hobbit." Chris got up and looked over his shoulder seeing Darren once again poking out his tongue. `He does that a lot today´, Chris thinks to himself while he wanders over to the dance floor were most of the others were gathered. Cory, Lea, Amber and Ashley were dancing around and Mark, Kevin and Harry were already involved in one of Mark's famous drinking games. Naya, Heather,Dianna and Jenna were hanging around the bar ordering cocktails and gossiping like always. Chris felt the need to widen his smile immediately. Everything seemed like always. Just like another party with some other crewmembers hanging around and yeah…this felt good. Like he wanted it to be forever. Like this. Without anything changing. He wouldn't even care if Darren ever would feel something for him if he would just stay and everything would be like this for a while longer. But Chris slapped himself mentally once again. He was a grown man. He didn't need to clink to special people or events or memories. He needed to learn to let go. He had learned it, when he had left Clovis to start working here in LA. So he could learn it all over again and again. Until he finally wasn't clinking to people anymore.

"Hey Chris. Stop zoning out on me. Hey, Chris!" Darren was standing in front of him and was waving his hand in front of Chris' face.

"Oh, sorry." He smiled at Darren but he knew thinking had once again overtook him.

Darren and Chris danced for a while but even Darren seemed to notice that something wasn't quite right and let Chris go. Chris just didn't know what to think, how to act and how to feel. It was all too much feeling and he felt like it wasn't normal that he felt so strongly for Darren. That he clinked so much to him. That he wanted him to stay so badly, but he didn't know what to do about it. If he could he would probably drown himself in alcohol, but he wouldn't and sure as hell he shouldn't either.

The night went on and Chris normalized himself a little. Laughing and having fun with Darren and the others, but the thoughts of his best friend leaving tonight were still tugging at his heart.

"Okay, I probably would have wrote a song for the occasion when I would have know because all of you guys changed my life. One day I was just that normal boy playing Harry Potter in a fan-produced musical and now I'm known all over the world and had my debut on Broadway. I really can't believe this happened to me. It all just seemed like this wasn't for me." Darren smiled and climbed onto the tiny stage were Chris now saw a see through grand piano.

"But I guess this song will do, because it kind of tells you guys how I feel." He grinned at all of them and sat down on the piano bench. The fist notes were coming from the instrument and Chris wasn't sure if he really could hold back the tears. And the Darren started to sing.

**And the hardest part****  
><strong>**Is letting go, not taking part****  
><strong>**Is the hardest part**

**And the strangest thing****  
><strong>**Was waiting for that bell to ring****  
><strong>**It was the strangest start**

Darren looked over at them once again the smile on his face was huge and his voice still hung in the room. Chris looked at his best friend's face and knew he meant it. That he had loved being here with them and that he was sad to say good bye but that there just wasn't another way. Chris would have wanted to be as happy and smiley as Darren was about this, about their time together, Chris really badly wanted to but all he saw was the future that lay ahead of him without Darren. Darren looked back and was happy about what they have had, why couldn't he do the same and think `let's just see what the future brings. I have good memories to guide me over bad times and so what could be so bad about going on.´

**I could feel it go down****  
><strong>**Bittersweet, I could taste in my mouth****  
><strong>**Silver lining the cloud****  
><strong>**Oh and I****  
><strong>**I wish that I could work it out**

**And the hardest part****  
><strong>**Is letting go, not taking part****  
><strong>**You guys really broke my heart**

Darren once again smiled and looked over at Chris and the others. Chris could see his eyes shine. "You guys really break my heart with being this incredible family I just fell into and now I have to leave you guys." Darren pouted. Chris could see it even from where he was standing. He then glanced back onto the keys of the piano and his hands continued flying over them as he sang.

**And I tried to sing****  
><strong>**But I couldn't think of anything****  
><strong>**And that was the hardest part**

**I could feel it go down****  
><strong>**You left the sweetest taste in my mouth****  
><strong>**You're a silver lining the clouds****  
><strong>**Oh and I****  
><strong>**I wish that I could work it out**

**Oh and it's the hardest part****  
><strong>**That's the hardest part****  
><strong>**Yeah that's the hardest part****  
><strong>**That's the hardest part**

Darren finished up his song and looked up once again. And then somehow, Naya and Heather had sneaked their way to the stereo and started to play and old and very familiar song. `Moves Like Jagger´ echoed through the room and Chris couldn't help but blush. Fuck, that was the very song to the disaster in Dublin and Naya and Heather were standing there huge grins on their faces and looking directly at Chris. Lovely. He looked over to where Darren had been and noticed he had climbed off the stage and made his way over to him. He didn't hesitate and just pulled Chris to his feet and dragged him on the dance floor where the rest of the cast was gathered, already dancing. Darren started moving but Chris just didn't really want to, not with that song but Darren just kept going as if he was a little boy and Darren needed to lead his movements. At some point he just couldn't help it anymore and just started grinning. He really tried to hide it but Darren must have seen the small smile creeping over his face, because his face light up instantly. He let go of Chris hands and started dancing more properly then before and Chris' smile went even wider. Darren just looked so adorable and cute and yeah…sexy when he was dancing. Chris let the beat take him and he started to dance. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad after all. Darren and Chris danced and Chris felt actually quite good. They were dancing close and Chris just stopped thinking at all. Letting his mind be and just enjoyed what was now. He loosened up and it felt so much better than always fearing and being tied up.

The song ended and the next started ad Chris just kept on going, smiling and maybe being a little light headed. This was good, maybe this was how the entire night should have been but he had just thought to much…yeah, maybe.

"I knew I just needed `Move Likes Jagger´ and you would loosen up.", Darren grinned as they were back at the bar and Chris had just ordered a diet coke.

"Wait…That song was your idea?" Chris looked at Darren in disbelieve. No, Darren wouldn't have suggested that song. Darren had been there with him. Darren knew at least that much about the night, that he knew that `Moves Like Jagger´ was the soundtrack to their Dublin disaster.

"Yeah, it was my idea. Why?" Chris eyes were huge. Darren really had forgotten about that freaking song.

"Uhm…Because of the entire Dublin thing?" Darren laughed.

"Oh…that. Yeah, I know. That was the reason why I wanted that song. You were magically loosening up to that song. You just went for what you wanted." Darren shrugged.

"And you see it worked. You loosened up and you were smiling and you were happy and that was just how I wanted our last night to be, dummy." Darren smiled at him and Chris saw right into Darren's hazel eyes that were shimmering because of Darren's smile.

"Okay, you've got a point. I'll give you that." Chris smiled back at Darren and it was just as always. They were being friends and nothing else seemed to be important.

They talked and danced some more but Chris was all the way through it just himself instead of being this up tied, little boy. But then the cast gathered around them and Darren and Chris found themselves in an enormous group huge which involved all cast members.

After they had let go off Chris he sneaked away and sat down at the bar once again, looking at the scene in front of him. Everyone was hugging Darren and saying their goodbye's. The girls gave him a peak on the cheek and Chris just knew that soon, everything like this would be over. Not for ever, but at least for some time.

When Lea, Amber, Ashley, Jenna, Naya, Heather, Dianna, Cory, Kevin, Harry and Mark as well as some others from the cast had finished with Darren and he had said his `thank you´ s, he made his way over to Chris.

"Your coming outside with me?" Chris just nodded and smile rather sadly at Darren.

They stepped outside, the moon looking through the thick clouds hanging in the sky. It was colder outside then it had been before, so a shiver ran down Chris' spin as a cold breeze blew over the parking lot. Once again he told himself that `no he wouldn't start crying´ before Chris started speaking.

"So this is it, isn't it?" A sad smile spread over his face as his eyes meet Darren's in the darkness.

"Yeah, I guess so…", Darren replied as he closed the gap between them and drew Chris into a hug.

"You are a really awesome person, Chris. I'm happy to have meet you and I'm really gonna miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too, Dar."

Darren drew back and looked him in the eyes.

"And don't you worry about me not coming back. I still own a house down here, so don't okay.", Darren smiled at him as he said those words and Chris couldn't help but respond in his very own way.

"Who said I was going to worry? I just said I would miss you."

Darren laughed and after the echoes had faded into the night there was silence.

"No seriously. Don't ever worry about us never going to see each other again, because I'll make sure me will." There again was that soft smile displayed on Darren's face as he said that. They fell into silence once again before one simple word escaped Chris' lips.

"Okay."

Darren drew him into another hug while Darren's car slowly pulled up behind them. Chris closed his eyes as he rested his chin on Darren's shoulder, once again feeling more than safe in Darren's arms which so often had kept him from falling. One last time just feeling this. Feeling before Darren would be gone and he would get over all of his insanity. He knew that his life line for the next months or even years could be `I'll make sure we will´, but he didn't want to sit around waiting for Darren to come back, so he had to let go. And just like Darren had said to him after everything had settled back to normal after their huge fight ` A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go´. Chris would do the same just like Darren had with Mia. Letting go because he knew it wasn't meant to be. Friendship was what he wanted, so the love finally needed to leave. A sigh escaped him and Darren pulled back looking him in the eyes once again.

"Good…", Chris began but he was cut off by Darren.

"No Chris. This ain't a goodbye, this is a see you later. We don't know when but we will so… See you, Chris" There was a sad smile spread over Darren's face as he turned around and opened the door of the car. He just wanted to slip into the backseat when he turned around once again, looking at Chris.

"I'm gonna see you at the opening night of A Very Potter Threequel, aren't I?"

"We'll see." Chris poke out his tongue just as Darren always did, but he felt that feeling rise inside him. The ability to move slowly left him and there was something building up inside Chris that scared him.

"Okay." With that Darren slipped into the backseat and closed the door. The car slowly started moving and it was as if the time was slowing down giving Chris the time to see the red lights of the car slowly disappear into the darkness.

It was the moment that the car had finally entirely disappeared and the only thing left was the light from the club when Chris slumped down onto the sidewalk, his knees angled and his face buried into his knees. `Fuck being strong ´, Chris thought when the first tears were rimming his eyes and he knew that he was only seconds from really starting to cry, but he didn't care anymore. He had been strong for such a long time but now it was time to let go.

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><p><strong>The ending of this killed me and took me forever... Hope you like it though ^^<strong>

**I would love to hear from all of you out there in the world because you are the reason I keep going on. ^^ **

**And yes, Darren was supposed to mess up the lyrics to the hardest part by coldplay. Not everything fit the way it was originally written so I thought because of Darren's cute ability to screw up the lyrics, why not let him do that with that song. :)**


	3. Chapter 2

**Hey you guys!**

**So here is the next chap and it's way shorter than my little monster. **

**Also, thank you, thanky you, thank you for all your lovely reviews. I really love reading them and i would love if I would to hear from you all again. ^^**

**Thank you also to all of you favoed and alerted this story. You are amazing. **

**So this is my second try with this chapter, because version 1 sucked pretty badly. Hope this is to all of your liking and yes, Chris also once again will see some bright days and Darren will be so everyone knows poor Chris won't be suffering through the entire story. ^^ Because that would actually be a disaster.**

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><p>Darren sank into the backseat and was just shifting around when his eyes caught a glimpse of Chris, standing there and looking after the car that now slowly started moving. His eyes were focused only on the slender figure standing there in the night, the light from the club shining on his face. Chris grew smaller and smaller as Darren was watching. And then suddenly Chris was swallowed by the night. There was nothing but darkness and the lights from the club that Darren could still make out in the distance. He sank back into the backseat, closing his eyes as his head fell against the seat. `Why did it take me a minute to say hello to you and will take me forever to really and entirely say goodbye to you?´, Darren thought as he felt something inside him shift as he realized that he was back on his way to Chicago. He was going to see his friends. He was going to do what brought him where he was right now and he knew it would be awesome, so Darren just kept his eyes shut and his thoughts wandering around, lingering in the future and the amazing stuff Joe, Lauren and the others probably already had planned. He knew that they had planned stuff but he was kind of a little afraid what his friends would have come up this time. At least he would be with them. He would be where he belonged.<p>

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><p>Chris was still sitting on the sidewalk and he started to feel cold. The breeze blowing over the parking lot had cooled him down but he didn't have the strength to move. His face felt hot because of the tears and his head felt dizzy and heavy from the crying. He didn't want to move but instead just stay like this and tried calm down but the doors behind him opened and he heard familiar voices. Then an arm was around him and he felt two people next to him, sitting on the sidewalk on each of his sides.<p>

"Hey, Chris. Do you wanna talk about it?" It was Ashley but Chris just let his head buried in his knees and didn't even bother to look up.

"Chris, please come back inside you are freezing." Lea from the other side said, but he still ignored both of them and fought for some composure. He took a deep breath.

"No and yes."Chris knew that answers probably wasn't the best but he lifted his head of his knees and stood up. Now that he let his feelings in and really started feeling once again, he realized how cold he was and a shiver ran through his body as he walked the few steps before he opened the door and slipped inside.

The party from earlier was still in its full bloom and everyone seemed to have fun. Cory, Mark and Harry seemed to be beyond tipsy and were carelessly dancing around with a pretty tipsy Heather and Naya. The rest of the cast was launching around on couches and other various surfaces. There was a whole lot of laughing going on, but when Chris had finished scanning the room he realized to his happiness that Ryan had already left. He hadn't really paid attention if the great maker of their fame had been here the entire time and right now he didn't even really care. All that was important was that he had left and Chris let himself drop onto one of the barstools, burying his face in his hands. He took a deep breath and felt a arm around him once again and he could clearly feel the presence of a person in front of him.

"Chris, honey, I don't think you should be alone tonight." It was Ashley without any doubt. Ashley who cared a little too much right now.

"No, it's okay. I feel like I'm acting just like child by behaving like this. It's so childish, you know." Chris had lifted his head off of his hands and was string into Ashley's eyes. He was angry but not at her, more like at himself for being like this. For feeling like this.

"No, Chris it's not childish." He glared at her, his look filled with anger and probably some hate.

"Oh, right. It would be something different if he had been my boyfriend, but we were just friends and I really hate myself for clinging to people so much. I need to grow up and get over it. Don't you see that." Ashley just blankly stared at him, not knowing what to respond to Chris' outburst of emotion.

"But Chris…" She was still staring, her mouth opening and closing stupidly.

"No. Not `But Chris´. I know I'm right and just because you think that if you tell me everything will get better, I know it won't. It will happen over and over again. Ashley. I need to lose this fucked up ability to cling so much to everyone and anyone. Please understand that." Chris anger had vanished and there was sadness now. Instead of that rather loud voice he had been talking in now there was only just a whisper.

Once again Ashley's arms closed around him and she embraced him, rubbing over his back and hoping he would just let her be there for him. To help him.

"Chris, you don't have to fight alone. I can help you okay. We'll go on tour and we'll all distract you and soon you will be over it okay. Just let me be there for you okay." Chris nodded and fisted into Ashley's shirt pulling her closer. Chris knew he could trust her. She was another one of his really good friends out here and she always had been there for him. He could rely on here now, once again, because Darren wasn't his rock anymore. He wasn't there anymore and instead he needed someone that would now once again teach him how to stand on his own two feet.

"Thank you.", Chris mumbled into Ashley his face still pressed to her.

"Don't thank me. That's what friend are there for.", She smiled softly over him even though Chris couldn't see it, he knew that she was.

The night dragged on slowly, but Chris stayed even though he didn't pay that much attention to the conversations. Mostly they were only filled with drunken craziness anyways. At one point Chris drifted away into sleep. He knew that he was still at the club but as Ashley continued to softly stroke through his hair, he felt the sleep overwhelm him and he closed his eyes. His head laying on Ashley's lap.

Ashley smiled when she saw Chris fall asleep. He looked much more peaceful now than he had before. The anger and sadness had felt his face and the lines on his face were milder than before. She even saw something on his face that looked like a tiny smile.

"I'm gonna head out you guys. Please all of you call taxis and don't drive okay." Ashley shoot all of them a meaningful look that she would kill them if she found out any of them had driven home and then she picked up Chris. He was light even though he wasn't really small he seemed very fragile now hanging there in Ashley's arms.

"I'll help you with our little Chris there." A very drunken Lea said as Ashley was just about to leave. Lea ran towards the door and held it open so Ashley could pass through.

"So. Do you think there was more. I mean between them. Chris is like totally…I don't know…whatever. Forget it…"

Ashley shook her head at Lea's drunk babbling as she walked the few steps over to her car and once again Lea fished the key of Ashley's car out of Ashley's purse opened it and help the door so Ashley could settle the still sleeping Chris into the passenger seat.

"You wanna come with and I'll drop you off at your apartment?", Ashley asked Lea hoping that she would get what she was telling her.

"Nope. Gonna have some mooore fun in there." And with that Lea ran back to the club not without stumbling and almost falling face first onto the sidewalk. Ashley once again shook her head at her friend but got into the driver's seat and closed the door, looking at Chris. He was still sleeping peacefully, his face towards her.

"What did Darren do to you?" Ashley let out under her breath before she started the car and slowly pulled out of the parking lot.

They were half way to Ashley's apartment when over the soft humming over the engine Ashley could her Chris say something.

"I'm gonna get…get over him." It was just a whisper almost inaudible, but Ashley was sure she had heard it and then Chris said it again.

"I'm gonna…get over him. I-I promise…" Ashley started at Chris but she couldn't make out if he was still asleep or awake. But in that moment she finally knew what Darren had done to Chris. Darren had made Chris fall in love with him. At least that explained why Chris had been crying. That would explain his little outburst at the bar that had ended in tears. That would explain so much. Just these six worlds explained the last one and a half year. Chris was in love with Darren.

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><p>Darren was standing in Chicago once again. It had been some time since the last time he had been her but he instantly felt like home. Here were his friends, here was Team StarKid. Here was where he belonged and once again even though a lot of people had been staring, he had felt normal. Back to the boy that had wanted to be famous and a great performer and not the Darren Criss everyone knew.<p>

A cab pulled up in front of him. He shortly talked to the driver before throwing his bag and the guitar into the trunk and once more sliding into the backseat. He hadn't thought at all about what was coming, what was going to happen after he had finally driven to sleep once he had settled into his seat in the plane. But now that he really was here it was something totally different. Now he could almost feel the air around him buzzing and Darren himself just felt great. StarKid. Harry freakin' Potter. That all would be his life once again. Back to the roots.

A huge smile started to grow on Darren's face as he watched the sun slowly rising over Chicago. The sun dipped the sky in red and orange and Darren just knew this day would be awesome. Totally awesome.

By the time the cab pulled up in front of Joe's building, the face on Darren's smile just could be called enormous. He took a deep breath before he started to climb the flights of stairs till he was finally standing in front of Joe Walker's door. And all he heard from inside was a scream, then the door was pulled open and a little woman threw herself at Darren with so much force that he stumbled and almost fell.

"Dar, you are back ! Finally!", she screamed at him, and so Darren couldn't help but put his arms around her.

"Yeah, Lauren, I'm back." He smiled and Lauren pulled back looking up at him.

"Hey hobbit, did you grow?" Lauren asked her eyebrows knitted.

"No, I didn't. But who is the hobbit here, huh…", Darren asked in return his head downcast so he could look her in the eyes.

"You…I guess at least everyone all of the world wide web calls you that." She smiled smugly as she turned around and walked back into Joe's apartment and Darren started wondering where in hell his best friend of all the StarKids was. But just in that moment a very sleepy looking Joe stumbled into the hallway.

"Hey man, I'm sorry for this but…I was just so tired. I'm so sorry." Joe blinked a few times and Darren saw the bags under his eyes.

"No problem, man." Darren drew him into a hug and the smile on his face grew even wider. When he drew back he couldn't hold back the question burning under his fingernails anymore.

"So what exactly is Lauren doing here? Not that I don't want her being here but…I didn't quite expected her to be here." There was a very sleepy smile on Joe's face, but his eyes had something to him Darren knew from the day of A Very Potter Musical.

"Actually lovely Lauren came over yesterday and started drinking coffee and diet coke like her life depended on it, telling me over and over again that she wanted to be here when you arrive. Other then that I don't really know either." Joe was still smiling and his smile grew even a little wider when they walked inside, but there had been a tug at Darren's heart in that very moment Joe had mentioned diet coke. Darren had shoved it into one of the corners of his mind trying to bury it and had just kept smiling, ignoring that tiny feeling and the almost inaudible voice in his head.

"Good." Darren laughed when they finally entered the small kitchen in which Lauren was already working. There was a counter on which there were four huge mugs and a little pyramid made out of diet coke cans. In that very moment there was another small tug at Darren's heart but once again just like before he ignored it, shoving into a dark corner.

"Hey boys, move you asses. You Joe go change. Darren you better settle down and…whatever just hurry up because I'll be making breakfast." Lauren ordered them and then shoved them out of the little kitchen into another tiny hallway from which Darren saw multiple doors.

"Okay, man. I really should go and change. Your room is down there on the right side." And with that Joe disappeared into the next room. Darren now left by himself went down the hallway and finally stood in the room, throwing his bag onto the bed and his guitar into one of the corners of the room. He flopped down next to his bag and stared at the ceiling. He did it. He was here, but just then the exhaustion kicked in and he felt that even though he had slept during the plane ride, that hadn't been close to enough. He closed his eyes and was instantly drifted off into a light sleep when he heard his name called.

"Darren! Darren, come on move your bud out of there and have some breakfast."

It was unmistakably Lauren hammering against the door. And Darren wanted to roll over and continue sleeping when he felt off the bed and landed on the wooden floor.

"Come on Dar, move." Lauren was now standing in the doorframe , the door wide open and she was just staring at his, trying to suppress a fit of laughter as she saw him there sitting on the floor his eyes clouded from sleep even though he only had been sleeping for a few minutes.

"Oh my, Darren. Did they drag you out to a party last night? I didn't notice before but you actually look pretty tried…Well anyways. Move that sweet ass of yours and come have breakfast with us."

Not in the mood to instantly start arguing with Lauren just half an hour after he had arrived, Darren gathered all his strength and pushed himself up.

"Actually, they did. Yeah." Darren smiled and followed her back to the kitchen, where a steaming mug filled with fresh coffee was waiting for him. He basically fell onto the chair next to Joe, but he felt his sleepiness starting to vanish as he took the first few sips of the coffee.

"So, Darren you better get ready for a totally awesome time. First the entire idea of the Threequel will rock your socks, because we know you don't even have a glue about what it'll be about, plus don't you dare vanish on Sunday." Lauren was smiling as brightly as the sun at him while he was eating his toast, just blankly staring at her.

"Okay, I won't be suddenly vanished on Sunday, but why?" Another smug smile spread over her face.

"Won't tell you, Dar. Just don't vanish." Darren, still confused looked over to Joe but he had just an as confused expression written all over his face as Darren.

"Don't look at him. He doesn't know either. He would probably kidnap you if he knew." With that Darren heard the crunch from Lauren biting into her toast.

The rest of the breakfast went over more or less quite. With Darren and Joe both being really tried there wasn't a lot of conversation going on but Lauren happily was chatting away about this and that. And soon breakfast was over and Lauren had to head out for work. By the time the door fell shut Joe and Darren were both sitting on the couch facing each other. Both an amused look on their faces.

"I think you should have Lauren over a little more often in the mornings." Darren said a smile on his face but his friend just stared at him in confusion.

"Not because of the talking, but because of the awesome breakfast, man. I usually only have enough time to grab a coffee before I head out for the studio. This was my first real breakfast in…oh I just don't even know how long."Joe laughed.

"I could make breakfast in the morning too, man." Joe rolled his eyes.

"Oh really? You're cooking skills don't go any further than `three, two, one, ping´. No, but thank you. I don't want reheated pizza for breakfast like back in college. I'm over that phase of my life." Darren laughed too now but Joe went serious once again.

"As if you're so much better Mr. Criss."He raised his eyebrows and stared at Darren.

"Well, actually Mr. Walker. I can cook. Want he to make an awesome dinner tonight and show you?", Darren replied challenging.

"Sure and if I like it you can start cooking 24/7 for us. How about that?"

"If you ask like that. Actually, no. No way. There will be a whole lot of other stuff for me to do. You just keep on eating reheated pizza." Once again there was a smile on Darren's face, but this one had a little smug edge to it, just like Lauren's from earlier.

"I don't know if you wanna talk about it, but why didn't you go on the tour with Chris and the others. Last year you were talking about nothing else and how great it was, when I meet you in London. But now? You really looked like you belonged there, with them. On that huge stage and now you trade that for us. A little more time. I don't get it. What changed?" The smile vanished from Darren's face but he kept looking at Joe.

"Actually I don't want to talk about it but now that you've asked. I missed you all like crazy and that feeling that something was missing kept growing in me. The first time I felt whole once again was back at the LeakyCon last year. I just missed you and the tour last year was a disaster, when I look back now." There was a pause in which Darren kept staring at his hands which were gripping each other tightly, so that as a result his knuckles turned white.

"Why is it that I'm not quite buying this, Dar? There is something different to it, isn't it?" But instead of answering, Darren just kept his glance on his hands, avoiding to look at Joe.

The silence hanging between the two grew longer but Joe didn't seemed to try and push Darren to tell him, which made Darren sigh in relief, but only mentally. Why was it that everyone thought there was something else behind this? That it couldn't just be because he wanted to spend some more time with his friends he hadn't seen for quite a long time. With his friends that were the reason he was this famous right now. Couldn't they just accept that he wanted to cut himself loose from the media and all the interviews, the new offers and the paparazzi? The later would probably be a little more difficult, but here he didn't feel the need to always smile and be nice and dress well so that no one thought he looked homeless, or something like that. He wanted to come here and do A Very Potter Threequel because it was what he loved to do, not because he had to do it. Why couldn't even Joe get that he belonged here. That he was positive he belonged here and not like Joe had said with other glee cast members on a huge stage.

But when Darren finally did look up and his eyes meet the blue one of Joe, he saw concern in them.

"I really think I belong here, with all of you guys, because this is what I always did with my entire heart."


	4. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone out there ^^  
>Thank you for all the lovely reviews :)I also want to thank everyone alerting and favoing this story. You guys are awesome^^<br>So actually, because I thought this might be confusing some of you out there, that I made Joe Darren's best friend, here the explanation. Well, actually wasn't me making that up. It was Darren telling me that. I saw an interview with him and Nick Lang, where he said `Joe Walker, my best friend in the whole wide world´. So, wasn't me.^^  
>Also I will be mentioning ramen. If there are some of you that don't know what that is, it's a Japanese instant noodle soup. So I think that's all for now. ^^ <strong>

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><p>Chris woke up the next morning, staring at the ceiling of a very familiar room, but he had no idea how he had gotten there. It was unmistakably Ashley's living room with the red leather couch and the tiny stars clued to the ceiling which were shining in the darkness, but since the room was flooded with light, Chris couldn't quite make out the tiny things.<p>

He groaned as he moved his head and his eyes were meeting the sunlight. His head was pounding and he didn't even know why. He could have sworn he hadn't got drunk. Well at least not wasted. One shot of tequila didn't really count, did it? But still, Chris had the feeling his head would explode any minute.

"Oh you're awake, honey.", a voice came from behind the couch. And then a face came into view on which was a huge smile, much to happy looking in Chris' opinion, though.

"What happened? I don't remember coming here. I know you guys came out and were depending that I came back inside and then I fell asleep in the club, but after that…" Chris' voice was heavy with sleep and his eyes were almost completely shut once again. Sleep rushing over him.

"Oh, I brought you here. And you better move your ass, cutie, because we have to be at the studios in an hour."

"What?" Chris was confused. Ryan didn't order them to come today. Or better said he hadn't until last night.

"Ryan wants to set the first things about the tour and the rehearsal schedule. Maybe that will get him of off your thoughts." Ashley was still smiling and let herself fall next to him on the couch. It was that very moment the chestnut haired boy realized what his friend had said. `Him´? Was she referring to Darren? Obviously she was, but how much did she know? She couldn't know more than the obvious stuff. Seriously it's not like he had been running around yelling at everyone that he liked Darren. Like really much liked Darren, but that didn't change the fact that he was gone. Chris had once heard a person say `out of your eyes, it's out of your thoughts´, but it wasn't quite that easy.

"Probably. Yeah. Okay, I'll be…uhm refreshing myself and then we can leave." He was about to get up, his head still hammering in a constant rhythm, when Ashley placed her hand on his arm and held him back on the couch.

"Chris, don't play dumb or play around here with me. I know, Chris. I know you love Darren." There was a apologetic smile on her face as Chris looked at her, eyes wide and his jaw would have hit the ground, would it been possible.

"I-I never told anyone. Why do you know, Ash?"

"You kind of told me last night. You fell asleep and then I got you into my car. On the way back here you suddenly started babbling. You said stuff like `I'm gonna get over him´. I know that that really doesn't say that you love him, but suddenly just everything made sense. Your behavior the last year. It explained why I caught you staring at him so many times and all that other stuff. It's just…" She sighed. "Maybe it isn't all too bad that I know. You don't have to go through this alone. You can lean on me. Chris I wanna help you okay. Nobody else needs to know but if getting over Darren really is what you wish for, then I don't think a friend to help you through this would be all too bad, would it?" Ashley smiled at him and Chris saw in her eyes what he loved about her. She was open. She was true. She was honest. She was always there for him. She was the one he trusted. He knew he didn't need to fear, that she told anyone. And out of an impulse the blue eyed boy drew her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.

"No, actually I'm quite grateful that you know. That someone else other than Ryan knows." When Chris looked at his friend he saw a questioning look on her face. "Don't ask. Long story."

Ashley was still smiling at him and Chris shoot her a rather small smile back, but he knew it didn't reach his eyes.

"I'll go and head for the bathroom. See you in a bit."

Ashley and Chris headed off ten minutes later for the studios. Ryan was all too excited about the upcoming tour. All through the entire meeting they giggled and laughed about memories and all the stuff they imagined happening this year. But with just a few words, Ryan silenced the entire group of them.

"Chris, we would want you to do `Come What May´ on tour."

The smile vanished from his face and his mood dropped into an endless canyon.

"But Ryan…", Ashley spoke up, but he just shook his head still looking at Chris. His eyes steady.

"Chris. Yesterday I talked to you and you said you could do the him leaving thing. This song is like…I don't know…It's really important to all your and Darren's fans. The Klaine fans. It would be really amazing if we could have that song on tour, even though it was originally sung by Darren." Ryan's eyes were huge and his expression was maybe a little begging.

"Plus it's not gonna be the entire song. It's just gonna be a part. Just like a part of the skit. Kurt will break down on stage, crying of course and Lea and Amber will come up. First talking to you and then they will do the song `Just Stand Up´, to remind you that everything will be okay. Chris this is depending all on you. If you say no we have to come up with something else."

Chris looked at his hands, trying to thing about this for just a sec and to clear his head from everything else. But most importantly from the little voice that kept screaming at him. `This is a bad idea. This is a bad idea. This is a really bad idea.´, that little voice kept rambling on. Chris knew that the chance of him really breaking down were not that low, but on the other hand, he wanted to stand strong. To show he didn't mind.

"No, it's okay. I'll do it. What's the problem? I'm fine." A smile crept over his face but it was gone once again in almost no time.

"Good…" Ryan stared talking once again, but Chris was drifting away. Not caring anymore. He didn't listen at all anymore and he started thinking about all these unpleasant thing that now could probably happen. It was like a bucket filled with different scenarios which all could happen to him and he feared every single one of them.

Usually this would have been one of the occasions Darren would bring him back to reality. Make him see how much better now was then everything else. Darren had told him so often to live in the `here and now´, but for Chris and his always working mind it was hard to not think about the past or the future slipping away from reality, from the here and now. But now that Darren was gone. No one noticed his glassy eyes that went bull instead of the shining blue. No one noticed his lost expression. No one noticed that he had slipped completely away, thinking about the future, torturing himself, by just thinking.

Darren was standing in Joe's kitchen. After going grocery shopping, because Joe didn't own anything else then eggs, bacon, milk and ramen, he was now working with one of Joe's knifes that actually did cut stuff.

Joe was launching around on the couch watching some stupid TV show while Darren was cutting and frying and cooking.

"So, you really think you can cook, don't you?", Joe called from the couch.

"I'm not gonna answer that question again. I told you.", Darren was already a little annoyed because Joe really didn't think he could cook, but what he wouldn't all go through just to show him.

The TV was blaring in the background while Darren did this and that, but just a little later he had put two plates with steaming food on the counter.

"Dinner's ready.", Darren called over the still blaring TV and Joe looked over the back of the couch, staring at the food as if he didn't trust that he could really eat it. But he anyways got up and sat down pulling one of the plates towards him.

"Eat up." Darren said amused while he sat down next to Joe and started bugging into the food with his fork. A little hesitant Joe rose his fork with some of the food and put it into his mouth, still not convinced. But just seconds later after the first bit his face light.

"Man, this tastes awesome. Where is my old friend Darren that lived off ramen and delivery service?" There was a huge smile on Joe's face while he started eating with a lot more enthusiasm.

"Actually, only because I didn't cook back then doesn't mean I couldn't have done it." He shoot Joe a grin before he continued eating.

"Sure. Who taught you, Darren? Chris?" Still looking at Darren with a huge smile Joe was awaiting an answer but Darren just stared at his plate of food and swallowed hard.

"No." Was all he managed and to avoid having to answer more questions regarding his friend back in LA, Darren put another fork full of food into his mouth, looking at Joe, who was still smiling.

The days went by in a blur of colors and a mix up of rehearsal for the tour and a nice evening at Ashley's. She had demanded that Chris would stay with her until the start of the tour, so he wouldn't sit around in his apartment, thinking all the time. Also she said that it wouldn't be good for him to be so alone at all. So Chris had stayed at Ashley's for the rest of the week and today was his birthday. Chris never really had wanted anything big or special. Actually he had wanted nothing else then to have a nice night with all the glee guys, but some of his friends had planned differently.

Ashley's apartment was filled with his friends and the sun was setting over LA as the last ones finally arrived. All the furniture was moved around and the stereo was blasting songs. The mood was good and everyone seemed to have fun.

"Hey birthday boy!" ,Mark called over the heads off the others and waved him over to Ashley's kitchen. So Chris made his way through the crowd past Dianna and Naya who were chatting about something very eagerly and trough a circle of some of the other girls giggling and laughing around.

"Here, and now have some fun." Mark put a shot of an unknown substance into his hand and smiled widely. Without another thought about his probably pounding head the next day, Chris downed the shot in one go, because of which Mark's smile grew even wider.

"You see. Now go and have fun.", Mark told him and slapped him on the ass so he would finally move himself, but before Chris could even move Mark slipped another drink into his hand and was vanishing into the crowd towards Cory and Harry.

Darren was staring out of the window in his room. The sun was setting over Chicago and was dipping the sky into red and orange. It was beautiful and a small smile crept over Darren's face as he saw some first little stars on the sky. It had been long ago that he had seen them. In LA where the light of the city were so bright that you never saw them at all, Darren had often looked into the sky at night, when he had come back from a gig or when he had left the studio, but he had never seen one star over the city. Here on the outskirt of Chicago he once again could see them.

His thoughts were interrupted when a high pitched scream was heard throughout the entire apartment. It was Lauren and just in that moment his door was thrown open and she was standing in the doorframe staring him down.

"Darren. Change. You've got five. Here."

She threw something onto his bed before she stormed out of the room once again and vanished down the tiny hallway, probably to kick Joe in the butt for not moving.

Darren got up from his place on the windowsill and looked what Lauren had thrown on his bed. It was a white v-neck t shirt and a pair of freakin' pink pants.

"Lauren?", Darren called out, but he got no response. A sigh escaped him, before he stared to strip out of his comfy clothes and put and the white shirt. He was a little bit hesitating regarding really wearing the pink pants, but he couldn't change it. Not when it was Lauren wanting him to.

Five minutes later, Darren was sitting on the couch in the living room. His outfit completed with his pink sunglasses and some black shoes. There was a smile on his face as he listened to Lauren yelling at Joe. She was just so adorable when she tried to make Joe move his ass and do what she wanted him to do.

"Joe, move. We are already late. Move your ass. I'm not joking.", Lauren once again commanded, before she came out of Joe's room, furious.

"He is such a lazy butt." She flopped down next to Darren on the sofa, but her angry expression changed as she looked at him and there was suddenly a smile on her face.

"Don't be so hard on him. That's just the way he is." Darren bumped into her and her smile grew a little wider.

"Yeah, I guess so." Lauren sighed and leaned her head against Darren's shoulder.

It took Joe another ten minutes to get ready, so they could leave. Lauren shooed both of them into her car and before Darren even knew what was happening, Lauren had started the engine and was driving towards downtown, a huge smile on her face and her eyes light up with happiness.

"Oh and Darren, don't forget that our first meeting will be on Tuesday." She winked , but instantly fixed her eyes back onto the raod in front of her.

The traffic was thick. Everyone wanted to get to one of the many bars and clubs around town. Darren was almost expecting Lauren to pull over and have them go to one of them, but instead she just got through the heart of Chicago and drove on. Darren remembered going this way before, but a lot had changed throughout the last year, but when Lauren finally pulled up in front of one of the building he knew where he was.

It was the building in which the StarKids had been rehearsing for StarShip. A smile was spreading over his face as he opened the door and got out of the car.

"Follow me, guys." Lauren called out, and Joe and Darren followed.

Lauren led them through various hallways and threw open a huge set of glass doors. The room behind it was dark and suddenly Lauren and Joe were vanished from Darren's side and the lights over his head finally lit up.

"Welcome back!" It came from everywhere around Darren and he saw all his old friends gathered in the room. And they all came storming towards him and embraced him in an enormous group hug.

"Glad your back, Harry. We are gonna rock the wizarding world once again, aren't we?", Joey was next to him an as huge smile on his face as Darren's.

"Where in the hell have you been, man." Joey raised his eyebrows.

"In a cupboard under some stairs. I'm sorry it took me so long to come back out.", Darren returned and smiled back at his friend.

"Here drink up." Dylan put something in a cup into Darren's hands. It was foamy and it kind of looked like beer, but Darren knew never to trust his friends here all too much. But he anyways took a few sips.

"Oh gosh. What is this stuff?" It was horribly sweet and the liquid was kind of think compared to usual beer. Plus there definitely was a whole lot of Vodka in it. Darren could tell because his chest was staring to get all warm and he really only had taken a few sips.

"Oh, that is my and Dylan's homemade butterbeer.", Joey answered from the other side, winking at him as he talked.

"Plus a whole lot of vodka.", Dylan finished from Darren's other side.

"Wonderful.", Darren sighed but his smile was still huge and displayed all over his face and his eyes were sparkling with excitement.

"Okay, who is up for a fun night?", Lauren yelled over the room and everyone in the entire room screamed something back, what just ended in a fit of laughter from everyone.

Ashley's rather old music collection now had brought them back to the last year. `Rain Over Me´ was blaring out of the speakers and almost everyone was dancing in Ashley's small living room. Chris was in the center of the crowd and got taken away by the beat.

He was jumping up and down and moving around, everything getting blurry and he felt like he was dreaming. It didn't feel real to be jumping around in Ashley's dim living room neither did having fun with his friends. But even though his head was heavy and he was almost positive he would have a little hangover tomorrow, he was beyond caring.

Oh, well who was he kidding? A giant hangover. Mark and the rest of the cast but mostly Lea and Ashley had taken care of filling him up till there was a giant smile on his face and his mood was all over just great. He was happy. He was actually happy. Chris couldn't really believe it himself as he kept jumping around, laughing and smiling.

"Here have another.", Lea put another red cup into Chris's hands. He nodded shortly, but continued dancing.

"Lea, we are waiting for your line. Come on just say it.", Naya and Heather were screaming over Chris' head, before the two broke out into a fit of laughers.

"Oh, well." There was a smug grin on her face and she beat her eyelashes a few time in Chris' direction, before she climbed onto the counter of Ashley's kitchen that was one with the living room.

"Spin the bottle, all of you!", she yelled over the crowd and one response came back from the entire group.

Launching around on ever available surface, just as they always did the cast was sitting around in a circle. Some on the red couch others on the two hug armchairs.

"Chris, you'll start. You're the birthday boy.", Lea announced and everyone in the circle just had the same opinion. Most of them were probably to drunk to even have an own opinion.

He spun the bottle and someone was for once kid to him. Instead of the bottle pointing on any of the guys, it ended up pointing at Ashley.

"C'mere.", Ashley slurred. Yep she was definitely as drunk as Chris was, but who cared. No one. Exactly. Chris broke out into another smile as his brain proceeded this new information. No one cared if he was wasted and most important there was no Darren, so he didn't need to hold back. And he didn't even care right now that Darren wasn't here. He was happy Darren wasn't here. His brain just moved over the fact that he had been suffering from his absence just a few hours before.

After a short quick lovely kiss from Ashley the game continued on and on. Laughing and smiling. Every single one of them was at least tipsy, but mostly you could call pretty much all of them wasted. Jenna had excused herself a little before and had headed off to the bathroom. Probably the alcohol had got its first victim. But everyone just seemed careless and happy.

"So last year you turned twenty-one but we were on tour so I couldn't get you a stripper. But I really , really, really badly wanted to get you one…so…", Lea said as the game had worn of a little.

"Oh no, you didn't Lea, did you?" , Chris' face spoke of disbelieve and probably horror. His eyebrows raised and that really dumb expression on his face Chris kept staring at her.

"Well, actually I really wanted to have one myself, so I thought if I got you one…", Lea started but she was cut off by two voices calling a firm `Lea!´ at her and she went silent for a second.

"Hey, chill. I didn't, okay. I thought you might react like this.", and suddenly she was giggling.

Chris shook his head at his drunken friend but with that motion his own head started feeling dizzy once again and he quickly stopped. But the longer he looked at Lea the more the urge in himself grew to just join her and laugh, so he just did. He didn't care. He was careless and happy. Probably the time could slow down a little. Being drunk really did wonders to his depressed mood that had grown to be so usual from him in the last couple of days.

The light was low and the beat of the music was so loud Darren thought the entire building was shaking with it. His head was pounding with the beat of the music and he felt like it would explode in a second, but he knew it wouldn't. Dylan, Joe, Joey, Lauren and all the other StarKids had basically thrown the homemade butterbeer at him, getting him trashed all the way, but really. Everyone was trashed. It was like back at college. The parties were wild and well once in a while he had seen pictures of him in some really weird situations he didn't remember. Like that once. Where he had ended up in nothing but his too like really too low sitting light blue boxers, his pulled up white shirt and that freakin' pink plastic cup in one hand, the other in a really stupid gesture covering his mouth. Not to mention the weird dark blue pile of whatever on his head under which he had stuffed something. He himself didn't even really wanted to remember what had happened that night and maybe it was better that way.

"So, pink, huh…?", Bonnie asked him while she was basically hanging over him.

"Yep was Lauren's idea, not mine. Ask her if you want to know why?" But just as Darren had finished Lauren appeared on his other side.

"Oh, well. You had purple and red so I thought pink would be next on the list." She smiled at both of them before moving on over to Joey, leaving Darren still completely clueless. His drunken brain needed several minutes to get together that he had been wearing purple pants back in that video they had done for StarKid and then of course the red ones on glee. That took some time, genius, Darren thought to himself before once again joining his friends that were still dancing around. Another cup was slipped into his hands and then the night just continued. Getting more and more drunk, Darren just forgot everything. Past and future as well as present were suddenly just a blur and the feeling of all this being surreal crept through his body, but he pushed it away, downing another cup of the butterbeer and just kept dancing, singing and jumping. Once again Darren had managed to drown out the little voice that kept coming back. Today it was with alcohol tomorrow he would find something else and the day after that and the day after that day.

The night slowly proceeded but the air got too thick and Darren had the sudden urge to escape the crowd and the all to warmed up and stuffy room. So he made his way through the glass doors and through the hallways, he was really surprised he had found his way outside by himself, into the cool air of the night. He titled his head back and let the cool air brush over his heated skin. The coolness of the night was a pleasant feeling and once again when he opened his eyes which he had closed before, he saw the stars in the sky, shining down on him. They were beautiful and there were so many of them hanging up there that it was impossible to count them all.

"Hey wandering around isn't allowed, Potter.", it came from behind Darren. He turned around and was faced with another friend. Joe Moses.

"Sorry, but I just needed some fresh air.", Darren explained himself as if he had to, but his eyes kept glued to the sky.

"Okay, just make sure that you find your way back okay, Dar?" He shoot him a smile and Joe started laughing but tried to muffle it the best he could.

Meanwhile a couple thousand miles away, Chris had the same craving for some fresh air and escaped onto Ashley's balcony. His head was still heavy and everything was blurry but his mood was on a high. He was smiley and everything just seemed to be great.

Chris titled his head back and looked into the sky. He could see the moon shine with his white light down on him, but other than that there were only the lights of the city.

"Hey, Chris come back inside or you gonna get ill." Dianna was pulling at his shirt making him come back into the apartment. He tore his glance away from the sky and got back in closing the door to the balcony behind him, in the hope that nobody would come to the idea that balancing on the railing would be fun.

"Chriiisss!" It came from one end of the room. It was Lea, drunk as hell but smiling and shining like a star. Her face was flushed and her smile was giant. Just as the others she was having a whole lot of fun, but when Chris looked around he saw Mark and Harry passed out on the red couch. Mark's head against on armrest, Harry' against the other, their legs tangled in a weird looking pile. And Chris noticed something else. It was quite in the apartment except for the still running stereo.

"Why is it so quite?", Chris asked. He didn't believe that they all had left or where passed out around the apartment.

"Ohhh, Ash is downstairs, with everyone else that was stil able to walk. Shhe iss putting them into some cab so they all get home safely.", Lea slurred at him, but she was still having that giant smile on her face.

"Why is it that I don't believe you?", Chris narrowed his eyes and looked at Lea once again, but she just broke out into a fit of laughter.

"And why are you two still here?", this time he directed the question towards Dianna, because she seemed to be a little more sober than Lea.

"We'll stay with you guys and help clean up tomorrow.", she smiled but it was just a soft very friendly smile, not like Lea's huge `I'm freakin' drunk´ smile.

That was the moment when Ashley came back through the front door.

"Hey Chris, how was the balcony, you stayed out there pretty long.", just as Dianna Ashley had that smile on her face that told Chris `no, she isn't totally wasted´. But he hadn't been out on the balcony for that long, had he? It had felt just like barely a minute. But Chris got ripped from his thoughts when a loud shattering noise filled the silence and Chris head started pounding once again. His face must have been torn up in the sudden pain because Ashley's smile suddenly vanished.

"Hey, you know what? You better head to your room and lay down, I'll get everything else done." She shortly disappeared into the kitchen and was looking around in the fridge before she returned and pressed a bottle of water into his hand.

"And you better drink some of this." She smiled shortly before Chris headed into the direction of the room he had been living in for the past days. He had just taken of his shirt and his shoes he had been wearing before he fell onto his bed and was instantly captured in a deep sleep.

Darren had found his way back inside where the party was still in the go. He leaned against the doorframe of the glass doors which were opened wide now and a smile came spreading over his face as he kept looking at his friends laughing and dancing around, being totally themselves, not caring who saw them or what anyone else would be thinking. He had always tried to stay like that. To just be himself even though through all his new fame, but sometimes being himself hadn't really ended all that good. Like that one time, last year or was is two years ago, where he had thought that being himself was not depending on anyone else, which had ended in Chris picking him up, totally wasted and things after that had even gone more wrong.

He shook his head at the distant memory, before he pushed himself back into a standing position and went back into the crowd of friends, still a smile on his face. It wasn't till he was halfway through the room that Darren noticed the pillows and the mattresses lying on the ground. He just was wondering what all of that was about when Lauren came up to him.

"Pajama Party!" She was screaming which ended Darren's thinking and just had him looking a little confused at her.

"Actually we are just gonna spend the night here. Have some more fun and…yeah" She was smiling widely up at him, her cheeks flushed and her eyes were sparkling in the dim light of the room. Lauren hadn't changed at all, which would have made Darren smile hadn't he already been smiling.

"You are kidding, right." Darren shoot her a look but she just kept that smile on and shook her head a little to enthusiastically, which made her stumble into him.

"No, I'm not Dar! It's gonna be fun though, you'll see." Lauren wrapped her arms around Darren and closed her eyes and Darren just smiled down on her and wrapped his arms around her.

It was a little later and the room was almost entirely covered in mattresses. Darren slumped down onto one of them and just wanted to fall back and close his eyes when, Joey came over to him, carrying two red cups.

"Here have some more. It has to be empty by the time we are all leaving or someone will kill me." Joey looked over his shoulder. Darren, doing the same saw Bonnie stand there with Lauren smiling widely at them and waving when she noticed both of them staring. Darren shock his head and laughed. Really not even a single one of them had changed over the last two years.

Joey slipped one of the red cups into Darren's hand and took a sip of his own. He dropped himself on the mattress next to Darren's and they started talking about this and that, but as the time crept on and on the room fell more and more into a nightly silence.

All over the room Darren saw his friends lying on mattresses, sleeping and the feeling of that family that they always had been came back to him. Being surrounded by the people he loved and cherished. The ones he cared about and with which he had have so much fun, Darren's smile grew a little wider. He let his glance wander a little bit more over the group but a his glance returned to Joey his friend was lying on his mattress, already fallen asleep. So Darren did the same. Laying there with everyone, it felt like home. Like he belonged.

Light was falling into Chris eyes. It was unpleasant and he tried to get it out of them but nothing did work. Not even burying his head under his pillow. The sun still kept shining right into his eyes and it made his head pound just like yesterday. Just seconds later also Chris' phone started ringing and he let out a groan. What the hell was wrong with this morning.

He picked up his phone from the nightstand and shoved it under the pillow where he pressed it to his ear after hitting one of the many buttons.

"Yes?" Chris' voice was still heavy with sleep, but who actually cared.

"Hello, Mr. Colfer. It's Mark Watson from Disney. We just got the new TV ratings for your show…" Mark kept talking but Chris couldn't help but mentally face palm himself. How could he even think on just answering his phone like that, not looking at the caller ID. He was so stupid sometimes.

"So congrats to the awesome show and happy birthday. Guess that was a good birthday present wasn't it? Well, I'll get on going loads of stuff to do." With that Mark hung up and Chris finally came out of the pile of sheets and pillows in which he had buried himself.

He started at his phone. He had a lot of missed calls, but mostly from friends and family. And some more texts . Chris scrolled through all the missed calls and all his new texts, but one name was still missing from both of the lists.

"Hey Chris are you finally up?" It was Ashley from the other side of the door.

"Yeah, you can come in." Chris' eyes were still clued to his phone, disbelieve written all over his face. Ashley sat down next to him and looked Chris right in the eyes.

"He didn't call." It wasn't a question, it was a statement and Ashley's eyes were filling with concern for Chris.

"Hey, come on. Get ready. The girls and I and basically everyone else is back here. We have something for you." She smiled at him, but the concern hadn't left her eyes. So Chris got up and got ready, his thoughts still revolving around the one fact that Darren hadn't called. He just basically had forgotten his birthday.

When Chris came out into the living room, Lea, Dianna and Ashley were sitting on the couch and Amber was standing behind them. They all looked at him and it was almost frightening.

"What have I done that you all look at me like that?" , Chris asked but Lea came jumping over to him as if there still was some remaining alcohol in her bloodstream.

"We all have a present for you." And with that Lea had Chris blind folded and out of the apartment and down to the lobby with the elevator. Lea behind him and Ashley on one side and Amber on the other. Dianna was probably running around in front of them to hold open all the door, before they finally stood in the warm sunlight.

"You know that this is really childish, don't you?", Chris asked sarcastically, but Lea just squealed a `We know´ before they led him further and further. Suddenly the scarf or whatever it had been over his eyes was ripped away and his eyes meet the bright sunlight. At first he saw nothing, just whiteness, but when Chris' eyes adjusted to the new light, he could make out more and more. He saw Cory and Mark standing there across from him and Naya and Heather on his right side. But then he suddenly saw it. In all its blue glory it was standing there just as he had always imagined it.

"You don't.", Chris stated but Lea and Ashley were both shooting a `We do´ back at him.

"That is if you want it, if you don't I'll take it. ", Ashley said, smiling at him.

"But remember that you still have to take the test to drive it.", Amber was smiling next to him.

Chris was still staring in disbelieve at the blue Kawasaki Ninja motorcycle standing in front of him, on top were a just as blue helmet and a leather jacket. He didn't believe that all of his friends were here giving him that for his birthday. It was just unbelievable. But there still was that one question. Was it really such a good idea to take it?

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><p><strong>That's it for now. More will be there soon but, I have a question for all of you out there. Should Chris take the motorcycle or shouldn't he? It's your choice. If someone wants to tell me his opinion I would be extremely happy^^<br>Further on, no this isn't something I made up. Chris actually really wanted such a motorcycle. :)  
>And for everyone thinking I have a weird mind, because of that one scene Darren described in his head. There is a pic of that so if anyone is interested in seeing that one, also just let me know^^ <strong>


	5. Chapter 4

**Thank you! ^^  
>I really am happy about everone leaving reviews and favos or alerts this story. I love ya all for that.! ;D<br>****So this story is still in its baby shoes and has a little more growing to do, but i can promise that very soon there will be a whole lot more going on. For Darren as well as for Chris. They will both get what they deserve.^^  
>I will be gone for a little, because I'll be on vacation very soon, so it could be that there won't be any uptading done in that time because i don't know if i get any access to wifi. Hope you don't kill me ^^<br>Now here you have the next part... ;) **

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><p>The next morning Darren's head was pounding like crazy and everything around him smelled like butter and vodka. As he opened his eyes a little ray of light was falling into the crowded room. Almost everyone was still lying, passed out on their mattresses. Darren groaned as the light hit him directly in the face, but just a little later his eyes had adjusted to the light, but his head just wouldn't want to stop pounding like crazy.<p>

It was another hour later, that everyone around Darren was finally awake, but instead of being happy, Darren couldn't help, but let his expression show, how much all the noise they were making got to him. He was suffering from this massive hangover, but instead of saying something he just kept going. The pain at least was another way to kill of the voice inside his head that loved to scream at him.

The day crept on very slowly and Lauren finally had brought Darren and Joe home, but the time still didn't seem to pass any faster. Darren just slopped down onto the couch the moment he had set food into the living room and stayed the rest of the day there. His head was making him crazy, but he really couldn't change that. Just a little early Lauren had fished some aspirin out of her pocket and had thrown them at him with a huge smile. It had seemed like the alcohol didn't have any aftereffects on her.

It took him all Monday to recover a little and by the time of Tuesday morning, the pounding was gone, but instead Darren was torn out of his dream by a very unpleasant, constant beeping noise. It was till five minutes after the thing had finally stopped that Darren's mind kicked in. `Oh shoot. We have the first rehearsal today. Lauren is gonna kill us.´, it shot through Darren's head and he was out of bed in an instant. Tangling himself up in his sheets as he tried to get out as fast as possible and stumbling out of the room, because of the sheets wrapped around his legs.

He stormed into Joe's room and ripped away his blanket under which he was buried entirely.

"Man, we have major problems. Lauren is about to kill us. We are gonna be late, now move!" But instead of moving his butt, Joe just rolled over and started mumbling stupid stuff.

"I mean it! Joe, Lauren is gonna kick our asses!" But Joe still seemed to be everything but impressed by the image of Lauren kicking his ass, so he just stayed where he was. Joe was obviously beyond caring what Lauren would do to them.

"Joe, I'm gonna steal your car and be gone in about ten so move your freaking as or I'll leave you!", Darren screamed, probably a little too loud at Joe, but at least that got him some reaction from his friend.

"Okay, okay, okay! I'm moving!" Darren turned around, went back to his room and grabbed some clothes before heading for the bathroom.

It was probably about fifteen minutes later when Joe and Darren were both sitting in Joe's car, mugs with coffee in their hands and on their way to the other end of Chicago. The streets were far less crowded, but it still took them a little too long to there in time, so Darren and Joe were running down the hallways till both of them were standing in the wide open glass doors.

"Oh,…you are here. A little late , but I didn't expect anything else." Lauren had a huge smile on her face as she came over to them and basically just took Joe his coffee out of his hand. The smile grew even wider when she had taken the first few sips.

"Oh and good morning. I hope you two are okay and don't suffer from hangovers anymore." She narrowed her eyes and stared at Darren, but he just grinned back at her.

"No, we are fine, but thanks for asking.", Darren said in returned and headed over to the piano where he found Nick.

"Hey, so I guess my job will be to write new songs, isn't it?", Nick looked up from some papers that were spread on top of the piano and meet his glance.

"Actually yes. But you still have to do our Harry, Mr. Potter." He smiled before adding, "We waited all this time just for you to finish up with glee."

"Okay, because I'm all yours. But are we gonna do some classics too?" Darren's smile was wide as he opened the piano and sat down on the bench. He was about to play the first few notes when he heard snippets of a conversation.

"Let's meet up on the 31st." One person said. Darren guessed it was Bonnie.

"That's already tomorrow. That's a little short, don't you think? Anyways…"Darren was confused.

"What date is today?", he asked looking up at Nick still standing behind the piano, looking down on his sheets.

"It's the 29th May 2012. Why?" And with these few words Darren was standing once again and rushing out of the room that was getting more and more crowded with old friends.

"Fuck. I'm such a …", but he was already heading for the doors, words weren't important right now. He fished his phone out of the pocket of his jeans as he kept heading for the blue sky and the fresh air. How could he forget that? Chris' birthday. What kind of a friend was he? Forgetting the birthday of one of his closest friends? Chris probably thought that he had completely forgotten about him. Not even wasting a thought with thinking about him. `You haven't thought about him.´, that voice he had tried to ignore shot back and there was another tug at his heart and that strange feeling in his stomach. He knew that voice was right, but he didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to believe that he was that coldhearted.

Darren threw open the huge doors and then he stood outside once again, having already hit the speed dial number for Chris, the phone pressed to his ear. Chris needed to pick up. Darren wanted to explain everything but in the end Darren just reached Chris' voicemail. Darren hung up and tried it another time and another but he only reached Chris' voicemail.

"Hey it's Chris. Just leave a message after the tone and I'll do my best to call you back.", it came from Darren's phone. He decided that he couldn't keep standing here trying to reach him. Probably they were in the middle of rehearsal for the tour and Chris just couldn't answer because of that.

"Chris, I'm so, so sorry for just forgetting your birthday. I'm a dumbass, I know. Please call me back. I'm really sorry about everything, okay? It's just my friends had to plan this huge party for me coming back here and Lauren, well you know her, she dragged me there and Joey and Dylan did their best to get me trashed. I am so sorry, Chris. Hope you had a great birthday with all the other glee guys. I miss you."

Darren hung up, but that voice inside his head once again had something to say. `Oh, so now you miss him. Really? You never even thought about Chris, but you miss him? Somehow I guess that doesn't quite work.´, it shot at him and Darren squeezed his eyes shut, trying to bury that voice once again. To shut it up, because he didn't want to admit that this voice was right.

He shoved his cell phone back into his pocket before he returned to the room were now almost everyone was gathered. This anger was filling Darren, that he had been so stupid to let that voice speak up and for not remembering Chris' birthday. He could have prevented both but he just basically hadn't been thinking, something he should probably do a little bit more often. He shortly shock his head, clearing his head of everything else and sat down on the piano. He couldn't change it anymore and now everything was about A Very Potter Threequel.

Chris phone had been ringing constantly the last at least ten minutes. `Teenage Dream´ blaring from his Blackberry over and over again. Chris had downright ignored it. He knew it was Darren but he was still a little hurt, so for now he just let it ring.

"Chris, either you turn your cell of or you answer it. It's one or the other but this isn't working." It was Zach yelling over the music of `We Got The Beat´ which they were rehearsing constantly nowadays. That was everything Chris needed to finally put his Blackberry on silent mode which equaled out in ignoring it totally. Ashley had told him that Monday morning that if Darren would call, he should at least try to play it cool and ignore Darren for a while. He needed to keep calm and not run for his cell just because he was desperate to hear Darren's voice. Instead Chris was now just keeping on doing his performance and shoot Ashley a smile. She seemed pleased with his reaction and Chris had the feeling of being a little child once again, needing the approval of one of its parents that he had done something good. He shook his head for just a sec before he was back into the performance of the next song and the day carried on.

Chris didn't even though about Darren for once. The rehearsal left him exhausted and he basically fell onto Ashley's couch as soon as he had entered the room. Ashley was next to him just seconds later.

"I'm proud. You're making progress." The huge smile was displayed all over her face and Chris just smiled back.

"Well, I actually don't really have any time to really start thinking about Darren." She nodded.

"Yeah, I guess that will really help you. And now with the tour and you really making your license for your motorcycle. Then you soon have to start the next season of your Disney show. There will be plenty to take your thoughts off of that boy." The grin grew wider.

Chris nodded. Yes, he would have a lot to do and he was glad that soon everything he had felt hopefully was in the past and wouldn't haunt him anymore. It just would be so much easier if he could see Darren again without thinking how stunning and beautiful and sexy and just perfect he was. It would be so much easier to be around him because he didn't need to keep up his self control anymore. It all would seem so much easier.

Still he fished his phone out of his massager back and typed one short text to Darren. He couldn't ignore him at all. He had heard the voicemail Darren had left and thought that he at least should do as much as this.

"No, it's okay. I can understand. Ashley and the others got me pretty wasted too. It's okay."

"Don't tell him that you were upset that he didn't call, that really wouldn't make things any better." , Ashley called from the kitchen where she was now looking for something eatable in the huge fridge that was empty most of the time.

"Chris, I guess we have to order something once again. The fridge still seems pretty empty.", she smiled over at him.

"Well I guess that we are going to do that then and I didn't tell him." He smiled back at her.

"Good." She replied for both of Chris' statements, still a huge smile on her face.

The next days passed in a blur for both of them. Darren was constantly working on AVPT. It was like he was songwriting and acting 24/7 now that they finally had started and it all seemed like they all really were back at college. Nothing had changed. It was still the same atmosphere and Jamie was still running around with a camera, documenting everything they did. They were laughing and smiling and remembering and it didn't really seem like it had been over two years since they had worked together. Darren slipped right back into his place and the feeling of being where he belong was coming back to him. He had kept that voice quite for most of the time, trying to put it back in that dark little corner where it belong, but sometimes, his control slipped when someone was asking questions about glee and especially Chris. Then it came back just in that moment when he tried to just somehow avoid one question in particular, and just sometimes when he was alone for once and didn't instantly collapse onto his bed there were feelings, that he had tried to bury coming back. He didn't know what to do about them but instead of dealing, he shoved them back where they had came from, just as he did it with that voice that was somehow growing stronger.

For Chris everything went by in a blur of rehearsal and tests for his license. When he was back from one of these really exhausting rehearsals he made himself ready to go, never stopping just going, going , going, never even once stopping to think, because thinking would only somehow lead his thought back to Darren and that was where they shouldn't go.

It was the morning of the first day of tour that Chris finally stopped going on and on and was looking back once again. The sky over them was still quite dark and it was really early in the morning as they all met up in front of the tour bus.

The last few day or had it been weeks had passed so fast that Chris just then finally really got it that it was mid June by now. He had passed his motorcycle license tests and he had done all the rehearsals. He had also started writing once again and it all had just went by without him even really noticing any of it.

He climbed onto the bus with all the others before they finally took off for their first stop. Las Vegas. Just like the year before the tour would start there and just as last year Ashley had promised him to go out after the show and party till the morning. Chris knew that he was exhausted from all his going on and never stopping over the past days, but it had done its job. But there was something telling him that now he couldn't run anymore. Now he was on a bus and a bus was rather small in comparison to LA in which he had been going up and down and from one and to the other end. Another thing Chris knew was that he couldn't and wouldn't run anymore. You could run from your problems, sure, but that wouldn't make them vanish into thin air. He was tired of running from his feelings now it was time to fight them, in both ways. He couldn't keep up this much work in a constant manner. Just like they had have their fight Chris wasn't really sleeping anymore and he wanted that to stop. He didn't want to fall back into that old pattern that had mentally almost destroyed him.

Chris threw his bag onto one of the beds and then let himself fall onto one of the seats by the window, his head falling against the glass of the window. It was just a few seconds later, then Ashley was next to him, handing him one of her earphones before hitting the `random´ button. Chris had just closed his eyes, when suddenly they were open again staring at Ashley who was smiling next to him.

"What is this?", Chris asked a look on his face that was unreadable. His eyes were huge and his hands were gesturing towards her phone.

"Oh, yeah. I went to that festival a few years ago with one of my friends. She basically dragged he there. I'm sorry for the music still being on here but I kind of like it." She was still smiling as the song continued in that weird language. Chris had no idea what these guys were singing about neither did he have an idea in which language they were singing.

"What are they even saying?", Chris asked a little curious and Ash hit the screen on which now was the translation of the lyrics, Chris guessed.

**Bye bye, never say goodbye  
>Even though I cannot hold you like this<br>I need you, I cannot say anything more, I want you  
>I keep on hoping too, I'll keep hoping….<strong>

**I really want to see the day  
>I'm withstanding the pain each day<br>"I love you" is playing on my lips  
>Alone once again, crying for you<strong>

Chris squeezed his eyes shut and looked away from the screen. It was a song practically made for him. Someone loving another without the person that's being loved knowing. And just like he himself he wanted to let go and see the day he could withstand it all.

His eyes were focused on the blurred lights out there in the darkness as the song went on and Chris was back in his memories.

_I'm really gonna miss you._

_Don't ever worry about us never going to see each other again, because I'll make sure me will._

_This ain't a goodbye, this is a see you later._

_I miss you._

And suddenly the feelings he had been running from the past weeks came unwillingly whelming up again. The hurt, the love, the loss. Everything. He had wanted so bad to be strong and still it only took a few lines of a song to make him stumbling again with the result of him tripping and falling. He wanted to see the day when he could withstand all of this. His freaking feelings, but until then there was a long way to go. He knew it, but he also knew that he couldn't change it.

And even though of all his will power, he couldn't keep his feelings under control right now. Still looking out of the window as the song changed there was a tear running over his cheek. And a `I miss you, too´ escaped him under his breath as he once again squeezed his eyes shut, suppressing the urge to fully start crying.

Why needed this to happen to him? Falling for the straight guy? For his best friend? He didn't know, the only thing he did know though was that it wouldn't be all too easy to say himself loose of these feelings. Maybe feeling all of this. All the hurt was just part of it but this part sucked massively. Maybe feeling was the first step to finally get over what you felt? Chris didn't know, but he wanted to find out what it would take from him.

Step One:  
><strong>I can't stop or give it up<br>I need to feel the pain**


	6. Chapter 5

**Hallo everyone out there! I am back.^^  
>And I brought you the next chapter. ;)<br>But I once again wanna say thank you for the reviews from you guys ^^ And thank you for the alerts and favos. Thank you everyone.  
>Just one short thing before you all can begin.<br>All the steps are lyrics to songs and they all fit was Chris is feeling during that time. Except for the stand up and be yourself thing. Just took the song because it fit. ^^  
>So now I am done... <strong>

* * *

><p>Chris was asleep against the cold window, his head leaning against it. After another one of these sad songs in that weird language, which Ashley had told him the name of but he had forgotten it already, with the piano and lots of violins under which was a constant dance beat, Chris' mind had finally shut down entirely. His thoughts had still been with Darren and the fact that he now wanted to fight. Step one was to finally admit these feeling he had buried. It would probably cause him some more tears, but who had said that you could get over someone without them. Chris surrendered to what he felt, hoping that it was the right way to get rid of all of it.<p>

His dreams were blurred memories of Darren. Smiling, laughing, poking him, poking his tongue out at him, grinning evilly, singing with all his heart. Usually Chris would have woke from these dreams close to tears, hurt and feeling all the loss once over again, but instead of this overwhelming rush of feelings that usually overcame him in his sleep unwillingly, now when Ashley woke him up, he was just feeling that familiar tug at his heart, showing him how much he cared about Darren and how much he really missed him. But now that he willingly let the feelings linger he didn't have to suppress the tears he always had shed after one of these dreams when he tried to stuff the feelings back into the tiny dark corner where they belonged. Some would have said Chris just didn't want these tears anymore, but if they had been in Chris' situation they would have know how much it took from him, to stand these feelings and still think and act normally.

It was just half an hour before they would reach Las Vegas, that that desire to call Darren had grown so strong that it was almost unbearable not to fish his phone out of his pocket and really call him, but Ashley next to him saw Chris expression. The fight between giving in and staying strong. Ashley was already reaching for Chris' bag, looking for his cell when he spoke up.

"No, Ash. Don't.", his voice wasn't more than a whisper, but she turned around facing him once again.

"I need to feel this, okay? Maybe it will get to my mind once in a while that it hurts too much to keep clinging to him, you know. Maybe feeling the pain isn't the best way, but it certainly isn't the worst way either. It would be a much bigger mistake to keep running from what I'm feeling. I did that for too long already. And it's tiring. Plus when I kept running I never really closed that door called Darren fully, but I need to close it. To finish up. Just let me do this my way. I'll be fine. I promise." He smiled softly over at her and she nodded.

"If that's what you want?" Chris nodded and she smiled back at him before whispering an `okay´.

It wasn't much and soon they were standing on stage jumping and performing `We Got The Beat´. It all had went by so fast that now he was here standing on stage with a huge smile spread all over his face as he was performing. And it was that that smile on his face was for once a real one. He was happy, being here with all his other friends. He was happy, performing for all their loving fans. He was happy with everything just as the things were in that very moment. He forgot about Darren and about his problems while standing up there. He forgot all the pain and sorrow. Just everything and left was what made him happy and smiley.

He went though with his performance of `The Greatest Star´ which Ryan had allowed on tour even though he was still a little worried about Chris doing his jumping and hanging on that thing every other night. Ryan had already been worried when they had done that on set and it had took Chris a lot of convincing, but in the end Ryan had agreed.

The fans were screaming and just overwhelming like last year. All of them were once again impressed by how different it felt to be here on tour and performing in front of all their fans. It was soon after that that Chris was standing on stage and that moment came he hadn't thought about at all anymore. Everything expect that spotlight pointing at him was dark and soft piano notes were floating through the air.

**Never knew I could feel like this****  
><strong>**Like I've never seen the sky before **

Through the crowd of fans there was one loud `awe´ to be heard and Chris swallowed hard. This was it. He needed to stay strong. But he knew it was hard not to get Kurt and himself mixed up here. It was practically impossible. Kurt went through something very similar to what he was going through, so…

**Want to vanish inside your kiss****  
><strong>**Everyday I love you more and more  
>Listen to my heart can you hear it sing<strong>**  
><strong>**Telling me to give you everything****  
><strong>**Seasons may change, winter to spring****  
><strong>**But I love you until the end of time**

Chris' head started spinning. Darren. Him crying. This very song. The hurt was there once again. Darren's arms around him. This scene had been getting as much to him as the kissing scenes did. But it had somehow even been worse. More painful and as well something that Chris wouldn't get out of his mind that easily.

**Come what may****  
><strong>**Come what may****  
><strong>**I will love you until my dying day**

Unwillingly a tear slid down Chris' cheek, but it looked like no one noticed.

**Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place****  
><strong>**Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace****  
><strong>**Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste****  
><strong>**It all revolves around you****  
><strong>**And there's no mountain too high****  
><strong>**No river too wide**

And now the tears were running freely. Streaming down his face, smearing all the makeup. But he didn't care. He fell to his knees just as Ryan had wanted him to, his head titled downward, so it couldn't been seen properly. The tears were now falling on the stage and Chris was a little worried that someone would end up slipping and more or less quite sobs escaped him but he didn't care anymore. It was more important that he got himself back under control.

But then Amber and Lea were on each of his sides. Amber drawing him into a hug as Lea started talking.

"Kurt, I know it's hard, but…don't you think it's better to just let go?" Chris felt her hand on his back and Amber was probably shooting Lea a look that spoke of a thousand things.

"Oh, yeah…r-right. Because it's JUST!" Chris screamed back at her, his face still buried in Amber's shoulder.

"I'll never JUST let go of BLAINE! I LOVE HIM! You should know how I feel. How did you feel after Finn had broken up with you? I know, I know…It's not the same to you but I also lost the one I love, don't you get that Rachel. I can't JUST let go of him. You know that." He was still a little bit too loud in his opinion, but on the other hand Ryan had scripted this skit to be like this. Loud and well, telling everyone that Kurt wouldn't JUST let go of his beloved Blaine. Chris guessed it got the message pretty clear out there.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. You're right. You can't JUST let go of the one you love, but at least can you stand up and live on because you know, everything will be alright once again. I don't say that it will happen tomorrow, but just know everything will be alright once again. " Lea went over to Chris and pulled him to his feet, drawing him into a hug, before she shortly smiled at him.

**Everything'll be alright again****  
><strong>**Alright again, alright again**

**The heart is stronger than you think****  
><strong>**Like it could go through anything****  
><strong>**And even when you think it can't****  
><strong>**It finds a way to still push on though**

Lea sang out before she looked over at Chris once again. There was a tiny smile on his face and then Amber continued on with the song.

**Sometimes you wanna run away****  
><strong>**Ain't got the patience for the pain****  
><strong>**And if you don't believe it look into your heart****  
><strong>**The beat goes on**

**I'm tellin' you things get better through whatever****  
><strong>**If you fall, dust it off, don't let up****  
><strong>**Don't you know you can go be your own miracle****  
><strong>**You need to know!**

Now Amber and Lea both had an arm around him, smiling at him. 

**If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough****  
><strong>**But the heart keeps telling you 'don't give up'****  
><strong>**Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what?****  
><strong>**Don't give up, through it all, just stand up**

And then he heard someone else form behind them and his smile grew even wider. Cory came on stage singing the next part.

**Ooh, it's like we all had better days****  
><strong>**Problems getting all up in your face****  
><strong>**Just because you go through it****  
><strong>**Don't mean it gotta take control, no**

**You ain't gotta find no hiding place****  
><strong>**Because the heart can beat the hate****  
><strong>**Don't wanna let the mind keep playing you****  
><strong>**Saying you can't go on**

And then Amber and Lea joined him. Chris smile was probably a little too wide by now, but he had never really know how this part would work until now. It was just so cute set up. For them to come up on stage and sing to him, telling him to stand up and keep going, come what may.

**I'm tellin' you things get better through whatever****  
><strong>**If you fall, dust if off, don't let up****  
><strong>**Don't you know you can go be your own miracle****  
><strong>**You need to know!**

**If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough****  
><strong>**But the heart keeps telling you 'don't give up'****  
><strong>**Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what?****  
><strong>**Don't give up, through it all, just stand up****  
><strong>**Through it all, just stand up**

And another voice was singing this next part. Chris was looking and then he saw Ashley coming on stage, a smile on her face as she sang.

**You don't gotta be a prisoner in your mind****  
><strong>**If you fall, dust it off, you can live your life****  
><strong>**Yeah, let your heart be your guide****  
><strong>**Yeah yeah yeah**

And then suddenly the entire cast was singing, coming on stage and gathering around him, Lea, Amber, Ashley and Cory. It was the cutest thing Ryan had ever written. Probably a little Kurt centered but as Chris looked over the crowd of fans it seemed like they didn't mind. 

**You will know there's a good if you trust the good****  
><strong>**Everything will be alright, yeah****  
><strong>**Light up the dark, if you follow your heart****  
><strong>**And it will get better through whatever**

**If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough****  
><strong>**But the heart keeps telling you 'don't give up'****  
><strong>**Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what?****  
><strong>**Don't give up, through it all, just stand up**

**If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough****  
><strong>**But the heart keeps telling you 'don't give up'****  
><strong>**Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what?****  
><strong>**Don't give up, through it all, just stand up**

**You got it in you, find it within****  
><strong>**You got in now, find it within now****  
><strong>**You got in you, find it within****  
><strong>**You got in now, find it within now  
><strong>**You got in you, find it withi  
><strong>**You got in now, find it within noW  
><strong>**Find it within you, find it within  
><strong>**Through it all, just stand up**

"So now you know. We'll all be still there for you and help you stand up fully once again even though our ways part. Just know that." It was Cory saying this and then he came over and gave him a hug before the lights went out and it was all black once again.

Chris hurried off stage while the rest of the cast was still up there doing the next number. The look into a nearby mirror told him that he looked everything else then composed and happy. His face was red from the tears and his smile looked so fake that even a blind person could have see it. And again a small spark of anger was growing inside Chris, just like that morning when he had cryed because of Darren leaving. But now it was because Darren wasn't here and Chris still couldn't just let go of him. The anger rose because he couldn't separate Kurt and himself anymore. Their emotions were all in this one huge bucket that was filled with too much of the same hurt. He hated himself for being like this. For not being the professional he thought he was and wanted to be.

His hand wandered over his face, wiping away the left over tears that were still gleaming in the dull light backstage and then once again he tried a smile, this time with a little more success than before. It still wasn't perfect but it wasn't too bad either. It was a smile he could live with for now but not for always.

The show had carried on easily after Chris had come back on stage for the final few numbers they had to do and then suddenly they were at the hotel they would stay at for the night and most of his friends were laughing around. All in a great mood and a real need for some partying. The only one without a smile was Chris. It wasn't that he didn't want to go out or to have some fun, but there still was this little spark of anger, eating him up steadily.

"Hey, Chris. Lets hurry up to our room and then we'll all meet up once again right here in an hour." Ashley's smile was huge and her mood was probably the brightest of all of his friends. Chris just nodded in response and took his bag following Ashley up to their room.

It was early the next morning when everyone left the club close to their hotel. Chris had a huge smile on his face and stumbled next to Lea and Ashley towards the hotel.

**I got a little bit trashed tonight**

Chris was yelling with that huge smile on his face, laughing as if everything was aright and nothing had recently changed in his life. He was Chris the way all his friends knew him when he was drunk. Loud and funny and extremely happy.

**I got a little wasted yeah, yeah**

Lea screamed an just as huge smile on her face as Chris'. She looked at him in that very moment and Chris saw the sparks in her eyes and her very rosy cheeks that were so usual for a drunken Lea.

**I got a little bit mashed tonight**

Ashley was yelling from the other side and then all three of them were laughing. It was just like that. They were overly happy and Chris had forgotten all his pain and sorrow and worries.

After that night it had happened a whole lot more often than usual that Chris was rather drunk after the shows. He had discovered that alcohol could help him forget everything and that it helped him with the pain. He knew that feeling the pain that Darren was causing him was a big part of getting over him, but sometimes it just got too much and the alcohol just seemed to take all of it away for a short time.

It had been one of those nights that Ashley had found him at the bar of their hotel thankfully just one shot of tequila into his drunkenness, that she had grabbed him by the sleeve of his shirt and had pulled him up to their room.

"What the actual fuck are you thinking you're doing my friend?" Ashley wasn't even expecting a response and so she didn't get on. Instead Chris just kept staring at her.

"I know that you want to lessen the pain you are feeling nowadays but do you really think this is the right way of doing so. By drowning everything in alcohol? Chris you are better than this. You know you can keep away from the alcohol and still get through this. You have me. You have all of us and you know that so why are you still thinking that tequila is more of a friend to you than I am?" She was desperate to get him to stop. It had hurt her so badly when she had found him the first few times but she had thought that maybe he himself would be that strong to say no at one point, but now was the time that she wouldn't bear it anymore. It had gotten too often and too much for her to take and live with.

"Chris, please. Stop it. We all love you. Please just come back to us. We'll help you the best we can but just don't do this all the time drinking anymore. I don't say that you shouldn't do it when we are having a party but just not when you don't have to. When we are all there to help you. And if you don't want to tell everyone. Fine, but then come to me and I'll help you."

And as if something Ashley had said that night had been the magic words, Chris had stopped going out to drink by himself. Instead of retrieving himself all the time he searched for the company of his friends more often and his smile suddenly became a little more lid up the more the tour continued on. Chris was laughing once again and the sparks in his eyes returned with the light of his smile. With these little things that changed, always remembering these few words that had finally snapped him out of his dumbness. `We all love you.´. And with these words Chris had gone through his first step.

**I can't stop or give it up  
>I need to feel the pain<strong>

And had slipped it his second step.

**I may be a fool  
>But I can't keep waiting for you<strong>

Even though secretly Chris had added two more lines.

**But saying good bye to you  
>Is something I could never do<strong>

After Ashley begging him to stop the drinking Chris had just downright needed to accept the fact even though he wanted to get over his `more than friends´ -feelings for Darren, that really saying good bye to him and just cutting him out of his life was something he didn't want to do. He still wanted to say, `Yeah, that guy is my friend. Isn't he awesome?´.

And with a little bit less problems Chris also had slipped further into step three during tour.

**Just be yourself  
>Stand up and fight<strong>

He had realized that was exactly what he had to do after another show. The skit always was his wound point and it still was getting more too him then he wanted to really admit but even that got better with the time. But what really had brought him to that idea was, the song all the glee characters were singing for Kurt. He needed to fight and stand up once again. Moving on, it was called not crawling on, because Chris felt like he was still lying there broken on the floor, not able to stand up alone. But that was what he had to do next if he finally wanted to make progress in this entire getting over Darren thing.

Chris was happier though. Laughing more than before and the sparks that had been missing for a too long time were already starting to rebuild themselves. Chris knew that nowadays he didn't always need to fake the smile on his face or the laughter. It was real more often and only sometimes he had these downs that would pull him back down to where he didn't want to be anymore. The more time he was spending with all his friend the better it seemed and the more he was again trying to retrieve himself it got worse once again.

It was in these good days that Chris was beginning to have that Darren was doing some research on the internet. He wasn't really looking for some videos about Chris or even the glee tour but somehow he stumbled over one of these videos the fans had made during tour. Chris was out with Ashley, Lea and Amber, walking down the streets of some city that Darren didn't really care for. He heard Chris laugh though the speakers of his computer and his laugh that always had sounded somewhat like an angle laughing send this wired feeling though Darren's entire body. He saw the smile on Chris face as he was walking with his girls and there once again was the tug at Darren's heart as he looked at Chris once again. His smile, the sparks in his eyes, the rosy cheeks and the pale skin. It seemed like nothing had changed for Chris. Like he wasn't suffering from Darren leaving. `Good´, Darren thought to himself and swallowed down the feeling that was taking his body over and shoving down the meaning of that tug at his heart.

But already that very night Darren was lying in his bed, tossing and turning thinking about nothing else than Chris. Just a seconds of closing his eyes he would see Chris' smiling face, but instead of it begin because of Ashley or Amber or Lea it was because of him, just like when they had been back down there in LA working on glee. Something had switched inside him. Maybe it had been the result of him always shoving down the little signs or denying to feel anything at all when it came to Chris after he had arrived here. The only thing Darren knew was that he missed Chris. He had thought he wouldn't have such a big problem with the entire missing him thing because of all his old friend being here, but that very night had taught him differently.

The workload that Darren was having every single day when it came to AVPT was enormous and most of the time Joe and him were the last ones to leave.

It was just another one of these long days and the sun had set hours ago, when Joe was walking though the hallways of the building. He hadn't wanted to disturb Darren while working, so he had silently wandered off. He was just coming back when he heard an very unfamiliar tune being played. Darren had worked out most of the parts of the music so Joe was wondering what new song Darren had come up with, but instead of Darren's voice filling the room just as he usually did while figuring some of the lyrics out, everything stayed quite except for the tune. It was haunting and quite sad, Joe noticed after listening to it for some time. And as Joe entered the room and was seeing how Darren was hovering over the keys of the piano he knew that this wasn't a song all too many people were supposed to listen to.

"Hey, Dar. Don't you already wanna talk about him?", Joe asked straight forward without any greater concern how Darren might feel. But Darren also just turned around. Both shock and confusion displayed on his face as he looked at Joe.

"What do you mean?", Darren asked back dumbly as if he didn't know what Joe was talking about.

"Oh come on, Dar. This little piano tune spoke entire books filled with your feelings. Don't play around with me. Seriously. Something is up and I'm mostly positive it has something to do with Chris, so please get your shit together and talk to me."But Darren kept playing dumb, trying to avoid answering Joe.

Gladly Darren's phone began ringing in that very moment and Darren needed to finger his phone out of his pocket. He answered the call with a satisfied smile on his lips as Joe rolled his eyes and headed off once again, leaving Darren alone.

"Hey, what's up?"

**Now I am gonna hide because you all hate me now...I am sorry for temporaryly making Chris a drinker. I am sorry ^^ Plase don't hate me. If you do though still love Chris please leave him a review because he escaped my sick mind and got through his drinking. ;)  
>One last thing. The song Darren is playing would be sounding like this - www(dot)youtube(dot)comwatch?v=Gbsr8KWgfrg Okay, see you in a bit...if you don't hate me... ^-^**


	7. Chapter 6

**Hey you guys!^^  
>Thanks for the alerts and favos. <strong>**;)  
>Though it really got to me that no one reviewed. *thinking* Maybe it jsut wasn't review worthy in your eyes *gussing* ? Oh well anyways, it would be awesome if you guys would start reviewing again on this one, because...oh well you'll see why. ^^<br>****And so I guess I am gonna say I'm sorry for the rather lame last chapter, but it just had to be that way. It was a real lot of meaning in there, because without the previouse one and everything that happened there, this chapter wouldn't exist and that would just be sad ;(  
>So I gonna stop talking now and you can go on and read. Have fun you all ^^ <strong>

* * *

><p>It was the last show of the tour. They all just had returned from Europe, happily babbling out random German phrases not caring if they were right or sounded stupid. All of them were happy and carelessness was spread through the entire group. It all seemed to be so good and even Chris was on a constant smiling level after their return. It looked like he was making huge progress in his `getting over Darren´- thing.<p>

But the every second he stood there in front of the steps that would led him up to the stage were he had to perform the skit on last time the smile was wiped off of his face. This was it. He would be finished with glee after this. At least mostly. Here in New York City everything would end. The realization of just that made Chris swallow hard but he still took the first steps up the stairs.

The higher he got the more darkness he met. It was just like all the other times he had performed this. Everything was dark and then out of the sudden light flooded the stage, just in the spot where he was standing. He took one last breath before he began singing.

**Never knew I could feel like this****  
><strong>**Like I've never seen the sky before  
>Want to vanish inside your kiss<strong>**  
><strong>**Everyday I love you more and more  
>Listen to my heart can you hear it sing<strong>**  
><strong>**Telling me to give you everything****  
><strong>**Seasons may change, winter to spring****  
><strong>**But I love you until the end of time**

Chris' voice had just barely been a whisper during his last words. It had been thin and shaking a little. He had no idea why, but somehow he had grown to keep his emotions locked away as best as he could during this song but right now there once again was the tiniest trace of it coming back. The nervousness was getting more and more as he continued on. Would today be a replay of the very first time? Or was he strong enough to stand up and say no and look his feelings away?

**Come what may****  
><strong>**Come what may****  
><strong>**I will love you until my dying day**

A single tear slipped out of his eye as he finished the lines, but Chris shrugged it off. Trying to get the all to realistic looking pictures out of his head. Darren's smiling face. Darren laughing. Darren's arms around him, comforting him when he felt like this. The internal battle was continuing on and Chris did everything he could to keep the pictures closed up.

**Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place****  
><strong>**Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace****  
><strong>**Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste****  
><strong>**It all revolves around you****  
><strong>**And there's no mountain too high****  
><strong>**No river too wide**

Chris fell to his knees one last time, a more or less fake sob escaping him and he closed his eyes, still trying to keep this box labeled `Darren´ closed. He was clenching his teeth together and he was just waiting for Amber and Lea to come and release him from this, because then he would need to talk and usually that was all it's needed to keep his thoughts off of Darren.

**Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side**

It came from somewhere in the huge hall but Chris couldn't make out the person singing this words even though he knew who it was. It was unmistakably Darren's voice, but it obviously was joke from one of his friends because Darren was nowhere to be seen. And anyways he was in Chicago with his friends. Why should he even come here? Chris was almost positive that this was a joke when Darren's voice continued singing.

**Storm clouds may gather,****  
><strong>**And stars may collide**

And there he was. A spotlight following him through the crowd of people. He just looked like always. His hair in the Blaine way all sleeked down and clothed in a shirt, a pair of jeans and his suspenders. Not to forget the bow tie.

Chris was smiling and still at the same time there were tears running down his face. He was on one hand so, so happy to see Darren and on the other he wasn't nearly as ready as he wanted to be when he saw him. But right in that moment he didn't care anymore. Darren was there. The real Darren and he was just coming towards him until he stood on stage kneeling next to him and Chris could look into these pools of hazel that seemed to swallow him up instantly.

**But I love you**

Darren sang out and just like it was what he had always done Chris was singing the other part.

**I love you**

And then Darren was singing again.

**Until the end of time**

And Chris repeated before they both sang the next two lines.

**Until the end of time**

**Come what may  
>Come what may<strong>

And just because Chris thought he couldn't manage the last line because he felt his voice getting weaker he sang the first one.

**I will love you…**

And Darren just finished the song with a smile towards him as if this was their routine.

**I will love you until my dying day... **

And then a question shot through Chris mind and just as if it all was scripted and planed everything went on. Lea, Amber and the others probably with huge smiles watching them from backstage.

"B-Blaine…why are you here?", Chris asked his voice still a little shaky.

"I missed you", Darren said and pulled him into a hug. " I missed you so badly. You have no idea." And maybe it was because of the tiny break in Darren's voice at the end or because of the warm wetness that Chris felt against his neck, that he knew that there were some tears on Darren's face. The only thing he didn't know though was if this was Darren or if it was Blaine.

"I heard that you would come here and I just couldn't miss this opportunity to see you again. I know that it was my idea with that `you can do whatever you want´- thing but I have to admit it's just so hard from me to not be with you. After all this time we spend together and everything we've been though and everything we had and I hope still have. I don't know… Everything I do know though is that I love you, Kurt and that I...Don't just want to let go of you." There was a weak smile on Darren's face when he finished and some more tears were there on his face.

Chris wiped the tears from Darren's face with his thumb and smiled at his friend. It was something new for hm to be the one wiping Darren's tears instead of the other way around.

"I know what you mean, I feel the same. And I love you too, Blaine." He kissed a stray tears on Darren's cheek and pulled back, smiling slightly.

Darren took Chris's hands and pulled him up together with him before he interlaced his fingers with Chris and they slowly walked down the stage without another word as everything around them was suddenly dark once again.

More or less running down the to the backstage rooms both of them passed several of their friends. Lea and Ashley were both smiling hugely and they were shining like the sun. Mark and Cory both were smirking as Chris and Darren passed by.

It was the moment that they reached Chris' dressing room that Chris turned around and looked at Darren who was just closing the door. But before Chris could even say a single word Darren already had an arm around him.

"Man, Chris I really missed you and I'm still really sorry I didn't call on your birthday. I really hope I'm forgiven." And as the curly haired man pulled back Chris could see him pout and these puppy dog eyes were looking at him. How was he ever able to resist that. Chris was a thousand percent sure that even after he got all these `more than friends´- feelings out of him he still would give in to that pout and these puppy dog eyes.

"I guess so.", was everything Chris replied, before he went over to the mirror and inspected his face.

"So how is A Very Potter Threequel going, Dar?", he asked causally still focused on his face.

"Oh it's awesome. A whole lot of work though. But the final product will be just mind blowing. I'm still not completely finished writing the music and I think it will equal out in me improvising all my lines, just like in the first part." Darren was smiling while he sat there on the black couch, watching Chris. There were a lot of things going on in his head. How sad Chris had looked as he had been on stage and how real it all had seemed to be, just as if it all had been real emotions instead of acting. Had Chris really been cry back there on stage? Darren had never seen the skit. Not on video anyways. And as he had stood there hidden from all the curious looks he had seen on the screen what had gone on, on Chris's face. Pain. Real pain.

But no. Chris had looked happy and he had been smiley every time, Darren had stumbled over a video or a picture of Chris that was taken during the tour. So why should the pain Chris was showing on stage be real? He knew that Chris was a really good actor and now even he himself did buy that Chris was actually crying there on stage in front of all these people.

Darren shook his head a smile displayed on his face. He really was getting all to mixed up in this. Sure, Chris reaction had been a little different when they had shot the last scene of glee but that had been something entirely different. For Chris as well as for him it had been the end to something that was to both of them like a dream. A dream that had ended that very day and so tears were okay. Darren had understood them, but he had been relieved when he had seen the pictures and videos. Chris was fine and happy and smiley just like always and that had been what Darren had hoped for. That Chris wouldn't be sad or in any way having problems with him not being there just like the first time, after their huge fight. But Chris hadn't looked at all like that, so that was good.

But it was just that very moment that Darren once again felt that tug at his heart from before and that wired feeling in the pit of his stomach as he realized Chris was more than fine without him. He didn't need him.

"Hey! Darren! Darren Everett Criss! Don't zone out on me like that!", Chris said, his hand waving in front of Darren's face and adding a `sometimes I really wonder if your brain works like the one of a normal person´ , before Darren had completely snapped out of his thoughts and his eyes were clear once again. The hazel meeting the blue. A smile displayed all over Darren's face.

"I love you, too, Christopher Paul Colfer." The smile turned into a grin with a smug edge before Chris finally turned around, shaking his head.

"Yeah, sure you do." Chris looked into the mirror one last time before he went over to the door. As he reached the door knob he turned back around looking at Darren still sitting there on the couch, looking after him.

"Okay, I'll get going. See you later?" Darren nodded in responds and with that Chris went through the door, which fell close just seconds after he had disappeared.

At first Darren was playing with the idea to follow Chris and look for a good place to watch the rest of the performance, but in the end he decided against it. Instead he feel backwards onto the couch so that he was lying there now his hands behind his head and his eyes focused onto the ceiling, his thoughts somewhere else entirely.

Darren's eyes had just driven shut, his inner eye seeing Chris' beautiful smile as the door was thrown open wide and Chris stormed back in, wearing just the same smile Darren had imagined seconds earlier and was pulling him to his feet. It were just blinks between the different action and suddenly Chris was pulling him towards some steps. A choir of screams met him when he was looking around. He was back on stage and all the others were gathered up there too. Just Lea and Cory were a little more in front of them as they said their goodbye's to the fans. And it was in that very moment that Lea and Cory were turning around that Chris interlaced his fingers with Darren's as he pulled him a little bit further and towards Lea and Cory.

"Thank you all that you were supporting me and Blaine through everything. It means a lot to both of us. But it's also time to say goodbye for us now. It's been a good time, but all good things come to an end. This isn't our end, but it's the end of our time with you. But I know that there are other important stories to tell about our friends. So please give them a chance to find their way into your heart just like I and Blaine did." There was a sad smile on Chris' face as he finished this part, but he continued on.

"So, goodbye to all of you. Maybe we gonna see each other again." And with his free hand Chris waved as he backed away a little pulling the still only staring Darren back towards the others. Another choir of goodbye's was heard through the entire crowd as the lights went out and left everything in complete darkness.

Chris let go of Darren's hand the moment the lights were off, hurrying backstage to get out of his clothes. What did he think by just doing that? He didn't know. The only thing he did know though was that the moment he had done it had been of the weak ones. One of the moments in which he was acting like Kurt and then suddenly seeing that not the entirety of the action had really been what Kurt would have done, but something he had wanted to do.

Back at his dressing room he was getting out of his clothes the fastest he could until he was once again back to be entirely Chris. With his clothes and his emotions, which by the way were going wild. Hate and something different tangling together to something Chris couldn't quite touch, but most definitely didn't like. He really did hate himself for still being weak. He hated himself, for the reason that there still were feelings and memories that got too close to him.

And without even noticing Chris had made his way into step four. Realizing that not everything would vanish in an instant was important, so you could maybe start to ignore what was left.

**As time passes by, memories of you still remain..  
>Still living within these traces even if I hate it <strong>

Chris slumped down onto the couch, folding his hands as he stared into the air, before he rested his head against his hand, his thoughts in a state of denial because of the new realization.

Darren was still standing on stage. His brain slowly starting to work again as Cory playfully punched him in the arm a smile all over his face.

"Dude, it was amazing that you came. I seriously had no idea but your appearance was really…I don't even know." The grin on Cory's face went even wider as Darren followed him down the stage. He had guess that Ryan had kept the entire thing a secret at least to most of the cast members. Lea would have instantly told everyone and Cory…he just would let it slip without even noticing. And if Ryan would have told Chris himself, well, that was something different, but it seemed like really no one had known , before he had magically appeared in the right moment.

A little smile was appearing on Darren's face as he and Cory made their way towards the dressing rooms. Cory was still talking about the tour and how it was even better than the last one, but Darren was only listening with one ear. He really didn't need to know what he had missed, because when he had been up there on stage with everyone else, he had realized how much he had really missed being on tour with all of them. It just had been mind-blowing the last time, but Darren hadn't wanted to risk anything by going on tour with all of them a second time. Who knew what would have happened this time. Maybe this time everything would have fallen apart with one wrong move and he really hadn't wanted to risk everything he had with Chris for another tour.

There was a knock on the door of Chris dressing room and he raised his head slowly to answer, but even before he could say anything, a head with curly brown hair was stuck between the gap in between the door and it's frame. Of course it was Darren, who else would it have been. And on top of everything that smile Darren was famous for was splattered all over his face.

`Congratulation Colfer. Now deal with him just normal and don't be too uptight´, Chris inner voice was telling him.

"Am I allowed to come in?", Darren asked, his head still in between the door and it's frame.

Chris just nodded in response and Darren stepped inside, the smile still in its place. He instantly noticed that Darren was out of his Blaine clothes and the gel from before had disappeared. He tried to look over the fact that Darren's curls were still damp and reminded him terribly of the shoot for the Out magazine.

"So, how long are you planning to stay?", Chris asked his face still not showing much of emotions. But instead Darren went serious or better said Darren's smile disappeared.

"Do you wanna get rid of me, Colfer?" Chris could only see a little of the hazel color of Darren's eyes through the slits of Darren's eyes as Darren asked him that question. Darren was trying to be serious but it just looked to hilarious so that after a few seconds of looking at Darren like that Chris had to try really badly to suppress his urge to laugh at Darren.

"What? Are you, or are you not?", he asked once more, still his eyes were only slits and Chris just wasn't able to hold it anymore.

"Darren, please don't try to be serious, okay, because with that look you're only going to be laughed at." Chris was shaking his head as a smile appeared were before had been a completely different thing. Instead of the all too much thinking he had done the past half an hour now he was distracted, even if it was just for a bit. Chris didn't know how it worked, that at the same time he was laughing at Darren and smiling with him, when sometimes his inner voice was telling him about the pain that very man had caused to him and sometimes till did. But he guessed that in these rare moments that Darren would be at his side, he was just forgetting all of it. That in these moments he didn't want to be reminded of everything that had gone wrong.

"Thank you very much." Darren retoured and just was grinning as stupidly as Chris.

"But seriously now. How long are you staying?", Chris had really wanted an answer to his question in the first place but maybe with his choice of word and his expression it all had seemed a little bit too much like he really wanted Darren to leave. And with that there came the next problem. Did he want Darren to stay or did he want him to leave? Both would have their very own advantages as well as disadvantages. On one hand he really was missing Darren and his all to silly and childlike behavior. It would definitely be a whole lot of fun, to once again be with him and laugh with him, but on the other side Chris knew that there would be the party. A party very similar to the one last year and that party had caused a whole lot of problems. Yes, sure he was trying to get over Darren, but that didn't mean that Chris' drunken mind was so much for that idea. He knew that when he was drunk his mind was working with its common sense. So if his drunken self would still be all into Darren, his drunken self would go for Darren, with a whole lot of consequences for his sober self. And that was the reason why Chris would be perfectly fine if Darren would be leaving just right in that moment, but he didn't. The smile just stayed were it was and his eyes began to sparkle, just like Chris was used to it.

"Actually, I am staying till tomorrow. Ryan thought it wouldn't be all too good to send me back to Chicago right after the show, so I am staying." Chris looked once again at Darren and knew he wasn't joking. So it was all Ryan's fault. Ryan was probably putting him onto a test, how far he got with his getting over Darren. Chris noted that Ryan would hear from him soon, but in the moment he just stayed on the couch and continued smiling.

"Awesome. Then you are staying for the party." And now that Chris had it there. All confirmed and a wide smiling Darren in front of him, he knew that it was probably not all too bad that he was really staying, because even if it was probably a little wrong he had missed his friend a little too much. It would be good to spend some time with him and maybe doing this would in the end help him to go on and close the door on Darren a little more.


	8. Chapter 7

**Hey you guys! Thanks again for the love^^  
>Had a really hard time writting lately, but hopefully it'll get better once again after this. Have some great new ideas that hopefully will get this story back on the go.^^ Hope this chapter isn't too bad though ;D Don't kill me ;D <strong>

* * *

><p>Laughter and a whole bunch of smiles were welcoming Darren when he once again made his way to the lobby where everyone had parted before, around an hour ago. Lea was laughing and smile and joking just like Darren remembered her and everyone else was excited for their last night out together. Not only was it the wrap up party for this year's tour but another goodbye. This time for Lea, Cory and partly Chris. Chris wouldn't really and totally leave glee how Darren had found out form Chris just a little ago, but still, it wouldn't be the same.<p>

Chris was going to have a short appearance here and there, working at the Lima Bean's and wanted to look over the shoulder of the producers of glee, trying to get to know a little more about how to do all the producing stuff, Chris himself had explained. Darren had just smiled and shaken his head about the enthusiasm of his friend, but had kept quiet.

So yeah, goodbye once again, but soon after the entire group had left the hotel, there wasn't even the slightest bit of heaviness or sadness among them. Everyone seemed as if they just wanted to enjoy being together and so they went on being just like that.

It was a little later that they had reached their destination. A club close to the hotel so they could walk back there. It was crowded that very night and Darren fell down onto one of the barstools looking around him. A bunch of people were just sitting around, but mostly they all were gathered on the more or less tiny dance floor to where Lea and some other cast members had made their way to.

Darren's eyes kept wandering, observing everything around him, but as if there weren't a whole lot of people around Darren's eyes always found one particular one in the crowd. With the chestnut colored hair Chris wasn't really that much of an eye catcher, that one would have found him that easily, but still, Darren managed to find him over and over again, if it was dancing with his girls or drinking something with Mark on the other side of the club. Darren himself didn't even really know why he was always looking for Chris, because without really looking for Chris he would have never found him, but he still did and so Darren more and more noticed one thing in particular. Every single time Chris was laughing out about a joke someone had told him or when suddenly that smile, which Darren loved so much appeared back on his face after had made some awful grimace, there was that all too familiar tug at his heart. It was still not more but as the night went on and Darren saw Chris happy on a constant manner it disappeared just to punch him in the gut when he was trying to lock it away. He had thought that with the time he would get used to seeing Chris all smiley, even though he wasn't the reason for it anymore, but he more and more started to get to know that this wasn't going to happen. He wouldn't just get used to it. It would still bug him in a year if he wouldn't finally stand up and do something about it, so Darren did.

He had been drinking some shots together with Kevin at the bar before he had made his way over to the dance floor for the first time. At first he had just been going with the beat, not noticed by anyone, but suddenly a pair of arms were around his neck and a wide smiling Chris in front of his face.

"Darren! Haven't see you in a bit! Where have you been?", he asked and Darren's smile grew wider as Chris' eyes began to sparkle in the dim light of the club.

"Oh, you know, doing this and that. Actually I had a nice talk with Kevin that involved a little too much alcohol." Darren grinned and let himself feel Chris warm body pressed up against him. His arms still around Darren's neck, he finally started dancing the best Chris could without losing his balance because he was so trashed that it should have been illegal to be as trashed as he was, but in that particular moment he actually didn't quiet care. He was drunk and he could do whatever he wanted. No one would remember tonight anyway. Tomorrow he would wake up with a major headache and then everything would be fine again, right?

Both of them weren't moving that much, but suddenly Chris lost his balance or tripped, Darren didn't really know what happened, only that his arms were around Chris waist in an instant as he felt him slipping. His hands were resting on Chris' lower back now, steadying him as Chris looked him in the eyes and Darren could make out the blue with its grey in them, in the dim light. He knew that there were only a few inches between their faces and Darren knew that they were much too close and Darren knew that he would regret this in the morning and Darren knew that this was what could change everything and Darren knew so many other things why this wasn't good and shouldn't happen, but still he lingered there, looking Chris into his beautiful eyes that seemed to swallow him every single time and was thinking about what he wanted to so much that it was driving him crazy. He wanted to, he really badly wanted to, but as if his mind or someone wanted to save him from the consequences and another one of these huge fight that voice that Darren had always fought was screaming at him, screaming so loud that it snapped him out of his haze and he once again saw clear instead of the blurriness from just seconds earlier. But still the voice kept screaming at him, even as his vision was clear once again.

"Don't you dare! This is how you'll ruin everything! If you do it now it doesn't mean anything!"

Darren drew back a rather sad smile now playing on his lips as he looked at his drunken friend. Yes, the voice was right. If he gave in now it wouldn't mean anything. Hell, he didn't even know if Chris would remember it tomorrow, so he just kept watching Chris, his head now resting on his shoulders as the continued to dance, slowly and completely caught up in their own worlds, because that was what they were. They lived each in their own little worlds right now and there were only these moments that always ended to soon which would join these two worlds once again, only to rip them apart painfully every time, they would say goodbye.

Goodbye. Darren hated that word by now, but still, he didn't want to see Chris like that once again. It had cost him a whole lot of willpower to not shed tears just like Chris that day, but at least one of them had to stay strong and be there for the other. They both would have gotten lost in that ocean of tears that would have been created that very day if Darren had stayed strong and had prevented that Chris had drowned in his very own tears.

It wasn't that much later, that Darren was more or less carrying Chris into his hotel room. Chris arms were slung around Darren and Darren's were still around Chris' waist. He was steadying him as good as possible, but after all that didn't work that good, because Chris tripped and stumbled a few times. He still was smiling though not caring if he was falling or anything. He was just Chris how he was when he was trashed, even though Darren couldn't actually really objectively judge Chris' behavior while drunk, because most of the time he himself was drunk too.

But still somehow Darren managed to get a very drunken and smiley Chris into his hotel room, where he dragged him over to the king size bed. Darren had just laid him down on the bed, when Chris rolled over, facing away from him, Darren's arm clutched to Chris' chest.

"Thanks.", Chris mumbled his voice already thin and a massive amount of tiredness in it.

"No problem.", Darren replied a tiny smile on his face. He just wanted to pull his arm out of Chris grasp, but Chris didn't let go.

"Chris, please let go, I wanna go and sleep.", Darren said a little whiney, but still Chris didn't let go of his arms. It was that one word that escaped Chris, before he fell asleep that made Darren stare in wonder. It was just that that barely whispered `stay´ from Chris lips that it took for Darren to warp his arms around his best friend and fall asleep. But just a second before Darren had finally entirely drifted off to sleep one thing came back to him, so he reached for is phone and typed something before he fell back onto the pillow, Chris all too familiar sense lingering in Darren's nose.

The sun peaked through the curtains of the hotel room. Chris was still lying there, his eyes closed, bit the sun in his face was slowly making him regain consciousness. He still knew everything that had been going on throughout the entire last night and was once more grateful that everything had went over without any problems. He actually had have a whole lot of fun with Darren last night and hadn't really bothered at all that Darren in the end had ended up crashing in his hotel room just because they both had been too tired to move once again. Chris hadn't wanted to be so cruel and kick Darren out last night, so he had just let him stay. It had been that way hadn't it? Because Chris actually if honest to himself couldn't quiet recall the last part of the night. Okay he knew that Darren had been the one that had brought him here, but how he had ended up here was something a little different.

As this in particular came back into Chris' mind, his arm began moving around next to him his eyes still closed. He wasn't ready to face the sun quite yet, but in an instant these blue eyes were snapped open and staring at the empty spot beside Chris. He could still smell the scents of Darren linger in the air and the bump where he had been sleeping was still there, so Darren couldn't be too far could he? He wouldn't have left without saying a word, would he? And as Chris' eyes rapidly were wandering over the room, they got caught by a piece of paper on the nightstand next to him. It was plain white except for the four black letters written over its top, spelling out Chris' name.

This wasn't good, was the thought that was racing around Chris' mind as he saw that folded paper, but secretly he hoped that this piece of paper would just tell him that Darren was out, getting breakfast and coming back in a few minutes.

Chris closed his eyes and reached out for the paper, his finger shaking as they touched the paper and lifting it from the nightstand. With just as shaky fingers he unfolded that paper and read the few words that were written there in Darren's messy handwriting.

_When you smile and I know it's not because of me, that's when I miss you._

Without anything else Chris knew that Darren was gone and even though he knew it shouldn't bother him or make him feel this way, sadness was spreading all over his chest, making it hard for him to breath.


	9. Chapter 8

**Hey you guys!^^  
>First of all. Thank you all for reviewing... I love you for it or alerting or favoing this stroy. It's really awesome so thanks for all the love.^^<br>Seconds I'm sorry I didn't upload yesterday because I usually update on then, but I went to a 30 Seconds To MArs concert yesterday and I was home for like 15 minutes the best, so I am sorry. Don't hate me. ;)  
>Also this is a Darren centered chapter. Hope you like it.<br>**

**One last thing.  
>Everything that is written like this is an addition and is not really part of the story.<br>Well okay it is, but uhm, you could call it what could be the background music playing to the scene.^^ **

* * *

><p>Darren still hated himself for what he had done. Did he really think just leaving would make the situation any better? But what else was he supposed to do? He was right and he knew it. Chris and he nowadays lived in two completely different worlds that were joined once and again when the time was right, just to be ripped apart painfully after a few moments they shared together. And every time they would get ripped apart, one of them would be left with tears when not both. Darren didn't know how Chris would have gone through with another goodbye, but Darren had known that he couldn't do another one. At least not in the style from the last one. He couldn't stand Chris with tears in his eyes and it was even worse when he knew that these tears were caused by him. He had wanted to prevent that very scenario and had left very early in the morning with just that fucking note on Chris' nightstand, as if that would explain anything. No, if he was thinking about it now, it wasn't explaining anything. Everything it was, was confusing. Darren himself didn't even know what he had wanted to tell Chris with these simple words he had scribbled onto the paper. It was all so confusing and he couldn't think straight anymore. His mind was clouded with everything but A Very Potter Threequel and once again Lauren and Joe had noticed that something was up. He hated it also that he was an open book to most of his friends.<p>

Concentrate Darren, he told himself as he stared down onto the sheets of notes spread all over the wooden floor. He was in the last steps of perfecting the music so that soon the music chapter was finished and they could finally start rehearsing the songs, but till then it would take him probably another few hours.

It was another long night and Darren as well as Joe and Lauren who had told Darren they would stay and go home together with him, were still around there rehearsing space. Darren's friends had wandered off, both with grins on their faces of which Darren knew couldn't mean anything good, but until now nothing special had actually occurred. They had left him alone for god's sake and Darren was very grateful for that. He really couldn't have an all too loud and bossy Lauren and a jokily Joe around when he tried to work. And on top of that was that till he had come back from New York, two days ago his head was spinning with a whole bunch of questions and to less answer. But out of all this the worst was that he couldn't keep his mind from thinking about Chris and how stupid he had been for just leaving Chris behind, without anything that was even close to a goodbye. Darren sometimes really badly wanted to slap himself for that but it was too late now. He couldn't change it anymore, as bad as he wished he could.

His legs were prickling and left weird from all the time just sitting around, so Darren decided that it was time for a little break. As he got up and wandered around the building, looking for Lauren and Joe he once again fell back into a state of thinking. He didn't even really notice that Lauren and Joe were sneaking out of the glass door until with a loud crash the door fell shut and ripped him out of his thoughts. Darren's brain not ready to proceeded what was going on just blacked out and Darren just stared at his friends until he saw the light being reflected by Lauren's key. They were really going to lock him in. Again. As if it had been funny the first time but now they were doing it again.

Within seconds Darren was at the door, hammering against the glass as Lauren with a huge smile turned the key on last time and looked him right in the eyes, that smile still on her face not even the slightest bit regret or concern was in them.

"Hey, Lauren, let me out! This isn't funny! What the fuck did I do to you both?", he screamed but Lauren and Joe had already linked arms and were walking towards Lauren's car. They didn't look back as they left him there still hammering against the glass windows. They didn't look back as Darren finally gave up and slid down to the ground his head resting against the cold glass. Why were they doing this to him ?He was already so messed up with all his feelings gone wild and then his best friends were locking him into their rehearsal space leaving him to his music and nothing else to do for the entire night. And somebody like that he called a friend? Well actually, yes and Darren really wouldn't change anything about his friendship with Lauren and Joe but sometimes he really wished both of them, weren't like that. He really wished that, when they noticed something was up, they wouldn't leave him alone with his problems. Sure, Joe had been asking a whole lot was what up and he had never really told him anything, but still. Did they really think that this was good for him? Leaving him to his thoughts, which he was positive would make him go crazy. Obviously they did. That was just how they were, sadly.

Darren sighed. More questions. His entire mind was flooded with questions and sadly he didn't have any answers. He knew that he couldn't change anything of what had happened and he knew that he wouldn't find the answers to all of his questions laying on the ground just in front of him, but sill it made him go crazy, especially when Chris was a constant presence in his mind now. But again he tried to shake it off, pushing himself up from the ground. He looked around, finding that the only light was coming from the room he had left only seconds ago. The yellow light was falling into the hallway, lighting up a little of its length until the darkness had finally soaked it up. But still. Darren didn't care that the rest of the building was flooded with darkness and kept walking on, down several hallways, trough various rooms and up a couple of stairs until he was finally standing in front of a giant map that was taped to the otherwise white wall. The curly haired man was barely tall enough to touch Chicago all the way up there, but his fingertips reached out and stroked over the red pointed that marked his home how he was used to call it.

But soon Darren's eyes had left the map, his hand still though resting on the spot of Chicago, and he was looking out into the sky. There they were again. The stars. Numerous and beautiful they were out there and Darren just kept on staring. His mind wandering to a distant place.

_It had been last year on the all to horrible tour that Chris and he had not taken the invitation of going out and getting trashed, but instead had been leaving the city of Dublin. They had just arrived today and the next show would be tomorrow, so Darren and Chris had agreed on going on a little land seeing. Ireland was beautiful with all its hill and the wide landscape. It was beautiful and different and Darren and Chris had been laughing about the weird Irish accent to the peoples English around there. _

_At some point they both had been sitting in a car, trying to imitate the accent and laughing their butt of about the weird faces the other made and how stupid the entire thing was. It had been around nightfall that Chris and Darren had learned the true beauty of the Irish country. _

_They were closer to the city once again and it would only take them about another fifteen minutes to get back to their hotel when Darren ordered the driver to pull over. He had climbed out of the door leaving Chris sitting in the car, still staring at him, but he hadn't mind and had just gone on with his plan. Eventually Chris had followed him and was standing just a few feet from him, by his side._

"_So, tell me what is so special?" Darren hadn't answered but had titled his head back looking at the huge variety of stars above their heads. There were hundreds and thousands of little light balls up there in the sky. As a kid Darren had loved to look at the stars, because of their beauty and because they were so unreachable for him, but now that he was standing there next to Chris in Ireland a few thousands of kilometers away from America he was for the first time doubting that the stars were so unreachable. Maybe it was just how you defined the word `star´ itself. Stars had always been the tiny light balls in the sky for him, but stars could also be something special and incredible and unique. _

_As Darren was standing there thinking, Chris next to him had sat down onto the ground. The grass was dry because of the warm summer temperatures so Darren did it just the same, but laid back, still staring up at the sky. There was silence between the friends as Chris also fell back and was lying on his back, watching the stars above their heads as they were sparkling up there in the black night sky._

_The silence had stretched out over quite some time when Darren pulled his eyes away from the stars and was looking over to Chris, studying the expression on his face. It had been that moment Darren thought nowadays that had led to the kiss on stage. They had both been there looking at the stars and Darren had for the first time admitted that Chris meant a real lot to him. He had admitted to himself for the first time that Chris was quite beautiful and so many other thing that had been shoved down and pushed into a tiny corner in the back of Darren's mind as he had arrived back in Los Angeles, after Mia had yelled at him. He had denied back then that it had ever happened but in that moment he had been lying there, Darren had been smiling as he had watched his friend and there had been nothing about it that had felt uncomfortable._

"_You know, Chris, I guess I never told you but, since I knew you my life changed.", Darren had said, still looking at Chris and he had turned around facing him. The blue meeting the hazel and a smile was on Chris' face just like on Darren's._

"_And to me you are like a star. You are incredible and beautiful and unreachable for everyone that only half heartedly once to reach out for you." Darren's smile was still there even though it had faded a little the further he had gotten his sentences out. It was cheesy and it probably wasn't what one would expect from him, but it felt right in just that moment. _

"_Thank you, but I guess for me you are just the same. A star that is very unique in every possible way, Dar." Chris smiled as he slightly touched Darren's hand and Darren smiled back, looking Chris into his beautiful blue grey eyes that were looking even better under the light of the stars above them. _

_And then Chris had turned back to looking into the sky at the stars, his hand though still resting above Darren's. _

Darren snapped out of his memory of the tour. It was one of his dearest memories now that Chris was gone or better said he had left Chris. But either way, Chris wasn't a big part of his life anymore and Darren started regretting the decision to leave more and more. Chris had been everything to him back at glee and sure after that monstrous disaster after the tour everything had changed, but still, Chris had been more than just a bit important.

**I find a map and draw a straight line  
>Over rivers, farms and state lines<br>From A to where you'd `B´  
>It's only finger lengths that I see<strong>

It had been quite some time that Darren had been staring outside, captured by his memory of long gone days, that he didn't even notice how his hand had slowly wandered from Chicago to Los Angeles. It was now lying over the red dot marking the city that had been his home for the last two years. His house was there, his friends were there and Chris was still living there. Darren's feelings were still twisted as he now looked down onto his hand on the named spot. There were so many memories back there but also he had a whole lot to do here. Here was where he became what he was now. Here was his real home if he had to chose on apart from San Francisco and still he felt like his feelings were making a split between these two cities. On this map it looked like he could make it from one to the other in no time, being both here and there and life both the lifes he wanted, but in reality these finger lengths were around two thousand kilometer. He would never be able to do it. He needed to chose just like he had chosen against staying with Chris the first time he had chosen. Just like he had chosen to bury everything that was making him go crazy and what he couldn't and didn't want to explain, but now as he was standing there in front of that map, remembering, willingly remembering, he got weak. And a flood of different things came crashing down on him.

_It just happened. Having Chris trapped against the wall he had been staring at Chris' lips for quite some time and he just couldn't hold back. He closed his eyes and his hands found their way into Chris' hair pulling him down, before he brushed his lips over Chris'. They were warm and soft and Darren could feel the surprise tingle through Chris' body. He was already expecting him to pull back, but it was just a millisecond later that Chris was kissing him back._

_Darren still captured in his drunken hazy state was now that he felt Chris returning his kiss so thrilled that he went a little further and licked over Chris' bottom lip and Chris who was obviously enjoying this as much as he did let Darren slip his tongue into Chris' mouth just seconds later. It all though suddenly got too much and Darren pulled back. A little shocked that he had just really down that, but Chris didn't let him go and placed kisses down his neck and found a very sensitive spot on Darren's neck. It only took a few seconds of Chris biting, licking and sucking in that spot and he got that moan out of Darren , that he had tried to suppress. It felt so good kissing Chris and having Chris kissing him in this way, Darren didn't even know how to explain it and he didn't want to either. _

Hands were meeting a face and Darren had buried his head in his palms of his hands as he fell back against the wall and slit it down until he was finally sitting on the could stone floor. That had been number one of his mistakes that had led to this very situation and his twisted feelings that he had buried over a long time. It was number one if you didn't count their on screen kiss, which had been a little different than the usual on screen kisses usually were going. Starting with the way they had been kissing and that added kiss at the very end that Ryan thank god had like. His and Chris' relationship in that department had stared wired and had only gotten more and more complicated afterwards. How had he been so stupid to just kiss Chris that day? He had been drunk but that really wasn't an excuse not when things went this far. Or maybe it was. Maybe he had just done it in his drunkenness and out of an impulse, but if Darren was honest to himself, he had to say that his drunken self was the more courageous and outgoing one. When he was drunk he always went for what he wanted, screw the consequences and as much as Darren had always tried to argue that no this one hadn't been one of the things he had done drunken because he didn't have the balls to do it when he was sober, now he saw that it probably had been.

But soon Darren had found the courage though to do it even sober under the disguise of it being a Klaine kiss he had kissed Chris on stage during tour. Yes, right he had kissed Chris and not Kurt at least he had intended to kiss Chris as himself and not as Blaine, but he still didn't know if that message had gotten through to Chris. Probably not and even if it had the afterwards fight had definitely ruined everything. After that everything had changed and he had started pushing and shoving everything inappropriate to the back of his head, where he had tried to bury it forever with no success as he now finally realized.

These feelings had been there all along and he couldn't just undo what he felt. He felt that ache in his chest growing as he was remembering Chris' smile and his sparkling blue grey eyes and he started to understand how Chris must have felt during their fight not knowing if he would ever be friends with Darren again.

**I'm miles from where you are  
>I lay down on the cold ground<br>I pray that something picks me up  
>And sets me down in your warm arms<strong>

Darren slid slide ways until he was laying on the cold floor, staring at the white ceiling. His mind getting more and more crowded. Memories of Chris and his time coming back. How the smallest gesture of Chris had suddenly meant something completely different and had made his body tingle with warmth. How Chris had always started smiling about his childishness and had rolled his eyes. How they had always had gotten along without words understanding each other fully, or how they had sometimes just been watching a movie together and had debated about which movies were better or other stuff. Everything had been so easy with Chris by his side and he had felt like he had never really felt before. It had been strange the first time Darren had noticed that warmth spreading through his entire body as he had looked at Chris so he had learned to ignore all the signs that he didn't want to read. But right now he wanted that warmth. He wanted it to be there and embrace him, because for the very first time Darren started admitting to himself that he like Chris in a very not so friendly way, but he was afraid of just that. He had always been afraid of admitting that he like Chris because this one fact would turn his life upside down and he didn't know if it was worth it. He didn't know if he could risk everything he had for something that in the end would end in just an as huge disaster and in as intense fights. He was afraid that he wasn't worth it. That Chris wouldn't want him. He was afraid of really admitting his feelings to anyone, having them just admitted to himself he couldn't just start walking around and tell everyone. For god's sake, he didn't even know if he was gay or bi or whatever. He liked Chris but he didn't know if that was something that would last or be over in just an instant.

A sigh escaped Darren as he pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes. This needed to stop. He needed to stop thinking about the what if's. The maybe's and everything else. He needed his head to clear and leave him to think clearly about all of this. So Darren started sorting out what was important and what wasn't and in the end he knew a few thing for sure. First, he like Chris and he would do everything to get him back and be part of his life. Secondly, he was afraid of all the consequences that would break down over him if he really would go down that path and thirdly, that Chris was doing things to him, that he just couldn't keep ignoring anymore. He had done that already too long and it was time to stop it. He most certainly wasn't going to walk around wearing his heart on his sleeves, but he needed to live with that fact that a huge part of his heart belonged to Chris and that a whole lot of memories that were dear to him were these he shared with that very guy that had unwillingly had made his way into Darren's heart.

`Oh so now you finally got it. Applause, applause, Darren Criss finally admitted his feelings. Just sad that it took you so long.´, that voice in Darren's head snapped at him. And once again Darren was tempted to just rip his head off if it would just shut up this voice that was always telling the truth. The truth with which Darren couldn't live. He didn't want to admit that he really had taken a lot of time to figure out his feelings, but that wasn't a reason for that voice to always start lecturing and snapping at him.

It took Darren a couple of minutes to finally be able to pick himself up from the still cold stone floor and stand on his own feet once again. Another few minutes and Darren was leaning against the doorframe to the room he had been in before. The sheets filled with music were spread all over the wooden floor in there and the light was still on and it was a little too bright for Darren's eyes that had adjusted to the darkness, but he didn't care and just stumbled inside, picking up all the sheets. Darren knew that he definitely wasn't in the condition to finish his work, but he had no idea how to explain that to Lauren and Joe tomorrow morning, they definitely had wanted him to finish this in the first place when they had locked him in here, hadn't they? He didn't know, he didn't care. He just flopped down onto one of the left over mattresses, sheets of music lying next to him and closing his eyes.

As darkness surrounded him he saw a blue eyed angel in front of his eyes, with a smile that was shining brightly as he continued his way until, in the end the light had completely vanished and the last thing that remained were a few words still floating through the air. `I'm gonna miss you, Dar.´, was all that was left and Darren remembered Chris, as he had been standing there in the darkness, looking after him as he had left to live this very live. Without him.

The sun was shining through all the huge window by the time the rattling of keys was heard trough the build and a woman appeared in the doorframe. She was smiling a blanket and a thermos bottle that was filled with coffee for the sleeping man on the mattress in her hands. The woman's grin grew even wider when she walked over to the curly haired man and placed the blanket on him, looking over her shoulder and spotting a bundle of key she and Joe had left there the night before. It contained a key for the entrance of the building and a key for Joe's car that was still parked in the parking lot.

Lauren shook her head about her friend lying there still sleeping in front of her.

_He really had a whole lot on his mind when he didn't even notice that the key out of here and to his freedom was lying on the piano._

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><p><strong>I have to say, that I am probaly not able to upload regularly till around X Mas because I have a whole lot of work coming up. I am sorry but I'll still do my best. More Chris next tim, for everyone missing him in this chap. ^^<strong>_  
><em>


	10. Chapter 9

**I am turely sorry, you guys. This wasn't at all what I had planned when I said I could write for some time and yeah...I am really sorry it took me so long to get back to this story, but it just all went out of my hand at some point and suddenly my life started changing a whole lot. Now i guess everything has settled so far that I will hopefully be able to write more regularly, at least I promise to try my best. ^^  
>So I am really happy for everyone that reviewed and favoed and alerted this story as always. You really help me keeping this up and reminding me that there are people out there that want me to write more of this so thanks for that. ;) <strong>

**This chapter is Chris centered, for everyone missing him last time, but I promise the next few will have both thier POV's again so that we get to know how their situations develop. ^^**

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><p>Chris was furious. That pretty much said it all. But from time to time into that fury there would tangle a portion of sadness, which would increase more and more until the fury grew once again over his weakness. It had gone just like that for the past three days.<p>

Chris was back in Los Angeles and he still thought about what Darren had done, asking himself if Darren had even been thinking what his actions would do to Chris. On the one side Darren sure had done the right thing, when he had just left but Chris didn't get over the fact that he hadn't even got a written goodbye. Sure, Darren had left that note, but it had made everything just more confusing instead of little more clear.

With a loud thump, Chris' head meet the surface of the wooden table in Ashley's apartment. Ashley was still looking down at her friend in patience, but she already knew that something had to change to get Chris out of this circle of constant thinking. Darren this and Darren that. Sure, at the very beginning, after she had found out she mid have said that it had been cut, but the longer Chris had taken to get over the dork with the curly hair the more it did hurt her too, seeing Chris like this always did things to her that she couldn't explain herself. She wanted to protect him somehow, in all the ways she could, but Chris needed to do this alone, just like he had said. He had to learn to stand on his own feed all over again and all Ashley could do was hold his hand and steady him, but she couldn't do the walking part for him.

"Chris, you have to get out of the house. Go out or something, but just do it. Don't fall back into your own pattern where everything revolved around Darren, okay." ,she looked at him questioningly, but there was no responds from Chris, who had his head still on the table top. It was a few minutes later though when Ashley heard Chris mumble something into the table.

"What does it mean, Ashley? It makes me go crazy. What does it mean?" Ashley knew Chris was revering to the note Darren had left, but she didn't know the answer either. She had first thought Chris knew, when he had come and shown it to her, but he had made it very clear that he knew just as much as she did about the meaning.

"Why didn't he say goodbye? I don't understand him.", Chris mumbled further on and Ashley rolled her eyes. They had also covered that a couple of times before.

"Chris, Darren wanted a clean cut for the both of you. I don't know as much as you don't who he thought would be the one to suffer under the renewed goodbye, but he thought about it, Chris. Maybe he just wanted to be nice. To help you get over the entire parting thing. Wanted to prevent another one of the heart wrecking goodbyes you guys shared last time. I really don't know what his intentions were, but you can clearly see that he thought about what he did before he did it and I think that says a lot Chris. He cares. He doesn't want you hurting, you understand that. That's why he did all of this." Chris sighed when Ashley had finished her little speech and lifted his head from the table.

"I know all that, but still. It just doesn't seem right." Another sigh escaped Chris before he stood up.

"But maybe you are right. Getting out doesn't sound all too horrible. Maybe that will take my thoughts off of Darren, because there are many more besides that curly haired freak, aren't there." And there even was a smile playing around Chris' lips as he went for the door and finally disappeared into the hallway.

A little later Chris stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom. His hair was a mess and his face was flushed from the wind it had previously encountered, while he had made his way back to his apartment on his motorcycle. He just stood there his blue eyes looking straight at his reflection in the mirror. Chris' eyes looked like he hadn't slept in days which wasn't the case and his hair looked like he hadn't showered for as long as he hadn't slept, which also wasn't the case. In a conclusion Chris felt totally disgusting and unattractive and certainly not in the mood to go out, but he still did shed his clothes and stepped into the shower, where the warm water finally woke up his body.

The last few days hadn't been easy on him. Chris didn't know anymore how many times he had made Ashley explain to him why Darren had done what he did. On some level he really was grateful for Darren's actions because he himself had feared what would happen in the morning when they had to part once more, but then Chris was also willing to fly up to Chicago and push Darren. How could he even dare to think that he couldn't handle a goodbye? Okay, yes the last one was mildly put overly dramatic, but other than that…? Yes, he didn't want to let go but still he always had and would do it again. Darren was the past and his future wouldn't go on without Darren freaking Criss. Time didn't just stop because he wasn't there.

Chris wanted to move on, let go and live past this, so he step out of the shower and picked his favorite clothes, called his chauffeur and stepped outside of his apartment, with the one goal in mind. _It is time to forget about Darren freaking Criss._

He was sure he did the right thing. It would take all the hurt and discomfort from him and would maybe even be replaced by required love one day or another. Darren as his best friend also was help being rid of all the tension between them, he would probably even be happy when he would get to know that Chris finally had fallen in love …blah blah blah. It would certainly be good for their friendship, Chris thought, because that was everything they had friendship and notice more.

And with these decisions made Chris had finally slipped into his last step on the `how do I get over Darren´- To-Do list.

**I just let it go, let it go, let it go  
>Because there are many more besides you<strong>

And soon Chris was sitting in his favorite bar in the city of Los Angeles. It was a rather quite night, but still there were a few really good looking guys wandering around the club, while Chris was observing the entire situation from his seat at the bar a margarita in his hand. He really did entertain the idea of having someone by his side that actually liked him in that way, even though Chris knew that it would probably take him a few more weeks to really open up to someone new. Sure, Darren never really did things that could have been equaled with anything Chris had ever wanted but still all these small touches and shy smiles that sometimes were exchanged over the length of the room where swirling around in Chris head on a steady manner even though he tried to keep the memories at bay ad he knew that it just wouldn't be all to good for him to just jump into the next thing. For fucks sake, Darren was his best friend, guy friend and it took some time to get over him when he still meant so much to you.

Chris took another sip of his drink, shoving the ongoing argument in his head back and burying all these problems for a bit. His eyes were fixed onto a guy with short blond hair and really nice hazel eyes and Chris was debating if now would be a good thing to start this night for good, when someone flopped down onto the seat next to Chris and his eyes sweep to the man now sitting next to him. A smile is playing around his lips as he orders his drink and turns to Chris.

Chris swallows hard when emerald green eyes meet his. Chris had never ever seen someone with so green eyes and some of these raven black curls fall into the eyes of the man where his long eyelashes slightly meet his hair. He was fairly not unattractive.

"Enjoying the view?", the man asked, the smile growing even wider, so that now his eyes even started to sparkle with the amusement.

"Uhm, oh, no…well yes…uhm, I'm sorry. I was somewhere else with my thoughts." Chris smiled back, his cheeks getting hot and a light blush flashing over them from the embarrassment. He really badly wanted to just vanish into the ground.

"I saw that. Well, anyways. My name's Dan." He glanced over at his, his beer bottle clutched in his hands, whilst a few more curls fell into his eyes. Chris swallowed another time and smiled back at Dan, who's smile had turned into a smirk.

"So, do you dance, Chris?" Dan asked still that smirk on his face that if it had ben Darren sitting in front of him would mean nothing good, but right now Chris shoved all the warnings back that were screaming at him, when he tried to read the guy in front of him. Dan was certainly not Darren, so why should he even try to read him. Darren was an open book and Dan most certainly seemed mysterious and therefore everything but an open book.

"Actually, I do." Chris replied and slid down from his seat, his glass still in hand as he went over to the dance floor with his new companion. Dan grinned at Chris and abandoned his beer on the bar, before he followed Chris.

"So, I take you know me? Well, the media me anyways." Chris hadn't instantly noticed that Dan hadn't asked for his name but had known it without even thinking, it seemed.

"Who doesn't know you these days? But yeah, I know a little, but I wouldn't say no if you would reveal a little more of the real you to me." Dan's smirk had definitely a flirty edge to it and Chris was more willing to play the game Dan was offering right now.

"I'll consider that.", Chris replied with a smug grin on his face, which Dan, by the look on his face, took as a challenge to get as much out of Chris as he could.

They danced together and everything seemed to just fall from Chris' shoulders. He felt lighter letting go of what had settled meters high above him and onto his shoulder that had carried this `burden´ for far too long already. It got even easier to open up to Dan with his charming smile when the drinks that always seemed to appear everywhere Chris went settled and the effect of the alcohol was starting. Chris smile was unbearable and one would have said that Chris almost started shining with his flushed cheeks and his smug grin playing around his lips as Dan asked him one question after another digging deeper and deeper into the Chris that only a few really knew about.

Chris never had been the one to open up all that easy and lightly, but now it felt good begin asked about what his favorite color was or what he did in his free time that hadn't been revealed to the media. He actually felt like someone wanted to know him, because he was just his way and that maybe that person even wanted more than the friendship that Mark, Harry and Darren had offered him. Maybe this was what Chris had needed all along. To find someone who could give him what he needed and he could give him the same in return. He had suffered through so many one-sided loves or maybe they all had just been crushes, except for Darren that really was something else completely, but now he felt different. Each time Dan looked at him that special way Chris felt how his body began to tingle and he flushed a little more in embarrassment because of being caught watching. It was maybe childish and he felt like he now was the teenager back at high school, but hell, maybe this would be everything it took to finally have Darren out of his head.

But as Chris thought about it again, that also would just be wrong from his side. Using Dan to get over Darren just to dump him afterwards was just as worse than falling in love one-sided. Maybe it even was the same when Dan really wanted that and Chris was just using him for his own. It would make Chris feel disgusting. He had never wanted to be one of these people to just be with someone to get over someone else and dump that person when he had fulfilled his use or to be with someone to get someone else jealous. It was just wrong and Chris wouldn't sink so low and do that.

It was that very moment that Dan once again looked over. They were at the bar once again, Chris sitting next to Dan another drink clutched in his hand and his cheeks still flushed while he had been thinking about all that when Dan turned slightly and his emerald eyes meet with Chris that were shining in the dim light in a special blue grey combination. The smile playing around Dan's lips shifted a little and the wired tingle returned to Chris' stomach. This fairly hadn't happened that often to Chris that he took this reaction lightly. Something about Dan just made him feel this wired way between comfortable and wanted that Chris just couldn't ignore it. If Darren for god's sake just had looked at Chris like this for one time, Chris had been sure his life had been ruined with no way he would have ever turned back and look at anyone else, but this man sitting in front of him gave Chris the same shills and the same sometimes wired feelings that were floating like clouds around in Chris. Maybe Chris' theory that he would only use Dan to on a selfish manner wasn't quite right after all. At least Chris' feeling told him something entirely else. It wouldn't go as far and say he crushed on Dan, but he fairly had a certain amount of want bubbling up inside him for that man with the raven black hair and the incredible emerald eyes.

A few drinks later, when it surely was already the next morning Chris and Dan left the bar together, Chris arm lopped into Dan's as he laughed and stumbled forward. Dan next to him also could barely hold himself upright without falling over from all the drink and laughing. They stood in the middle of the parking lot, the stray laps shining down onto them when Chris came to a halt and turned to Dan smiling.

But before Chris could even open his mouth Dan was already talking.

"I hope to see you again, Chris. I think it was a night that calls for a next time, don't you think." Dan winked and lipped a piece of white paper into Chris pocket before he turned and walked towards a waiting cab near the bar.

Chris still stood there, his hand slowly closing around the paper as he waited for his driver to arrive. Maybe life finally had thought that he deserved someone who wanted him in equal measures as he wanted him.

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><p><strong>Sorry for the ending and where I am leaving all of you now, but everyone deserves their chance to smile and now is just Chris'. he needs some happyness after everything he went through. ^^ ;P<br>P.S.I will change the rating of the story at some point because it justgot unavoidable. So for everyone liking smut, you'll get it here now too. For everyone who doesn't, please don't be afraid I'll just let you run into something you don't want to read. I will mark the chapter were you'll find the smut, plus it's not going to be the entire chapter but only a part, so you can read the rest of it. I will also mark the section of the chapter that will contain the smut. :)  
>I hope that will be enough so that you don't run scared from this story because that would just be sad.<br>I guess that would be all for now. ^^ **


	11. Chapter 10

**Hey you guys out! If there still is someone? At all?  
>Okay, yes I screwed up massivly. Uploading was really important to me but somehow I never really got to write and so yes I am so sorry for letting you all wait so long for this next chapter and yes it's not much and I think the next one won't be either BUT the next chapter will be REALLY and I mean REALLY imporant for the further well being of our beloved hobbit.<br>On the other hand I can all tell you that no I haven't just sat around and did nothing. I really didn't, because I'm currently working on something really cool for this story with someone without whom it wouldn't be possible. But I am sure the final thing will be awesome...hopefully^^  
><strong>**So yes...  
>BEFORE I FORGET IT A HUGE THANK YOU TO ALL THE CONSTANT REVIEWERS AND THE ONES THAT DO IT FOR TIME TO TIME OR THE ONES THAT JUST REVIEW BECAUSE THEY WERE BORED... AND THE PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT ALERT AND FAVO THIS STORY. I LOVE YOU FOR THAT.<br>Now I wrote enough. Sorry and enjoy ^^ **

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><p>Darren was lying on the mattress as he remembered when the rays of light started tickling his nose. There were noises around him but Darren didn't even think about getting up and doing something about the steady roar and laughter from across the room. He ignored it, groaned loudly and turned around before he cuddled into a lose blanket once again.<p>

Wait. Blanket. Laughter. Something wasn't as Darren had left it. The doors had been locked and hell he hadn't even felt strong enough to get himself a blanket when he had fallen onto the mattress last night. So, he listened closely and within just a few seconds it was clear that Lauren and Joe had already arrived. So, they aren't as cruel as I thought, Darren thought to himself as he was still lying on the mattress cuddled into his blanket.

"Joe, look at this. Why are they so cute. I can't even believe it. Darren really seems blind or he just ignores it if he can't see this.", Lauren said before Joe made a sound that sounded like something between an `aw´ and a laugh.

Darren's consciousness slipped and he fell back into an easy sleep, now that he knew that he wasn't alone anymore, protected by his friends he felt a whole lot better than wandering around in an empty building, not that he had been scared, but knowing that there was someone watching over you was always calming.

It was just when Darren had fully drifted off to a more peaceful sleep that Joe looked up from the picture on Lauren's phone. Darren was looking up at him, a smile on his face and next to his curly haired friend there was another familiar face that was smiling just as bright and wide as Darren himself. Chris and Darren had something that didn't even needed to be discussed there were just no word for the connection these two had even on simple pictures like this.

"No, actually I think he knows. He knows all of that and it's not that he doesn't sees it but that he denies it. He doesn't want to see it, but I really don't know why. If it wouldn't be Darren I would say he is afraid of consequences but Darren is the most open person I know. I just can't imagine him being afraid of saying `Yes, I love a man´, but maybe I am wrong. I'm just really worried that if he doesn't talk to anyone soon, this entire thing is going to have no good effects on his work here. The way he's behaving since he came back from New York really isn't bringing us forth in any way and I don't think Darren likes living like this either. One of us or both need to talk to him, Lauren and it's better sooner than later. The earlier he tells us the better we can help him and look that all of this has its well deserved happy ending. … And yes they are just adorable."

The number on the fridge looked tempting. It already looked too tempting as Chris sat there, his arms lying on the kitchen counter and his head resting on said arms, as he stared at the piece of paper taped to the fridge. But Chris told himself that, `No, you are not going to call him´ over and over again.

Chris had probably sat like that for a few minutes already, staring at the god damned number and hoping that either his phone would start ringing or the number would just vanish. The vanishing was just so that Chris would finally get up and do something more useful with his time like writing his new script or finish the book that he still had to finish till Christmas and he had some more left to go till he would finally be FINISHED with that! But no, not even thinking of everything that would break down onto him was enough to make Chris get his glance away from the number wrote in a blue shade against the white of the paper.

Tempting. Temptation. Want. Longing. It was all Chris could manage to feel and think about. But if he would call Dan now it would really have a desperate touch wouldn't it? Yeah, it definitely would. It had been just yesterday that they had met. Usually you didn't call on the day after that, did you? Well, actually Chris had no idea what to do, but it wouldn't get better from just staring at the fucking number. It just wouldn't help Chris out of this situation. He knew that his phone would only be ringing, because Ashley or Diana or someone else would be calling him, getting him outside into the open. Dan didn't even have his number for god's sake! He had to make a move at some point, but he didn't know if now would be okay or if tomorrow or the day after that would be better. It was all way to difficult.

But still Chris sat there and didn't move an inch, staring at the number even though he knew it wasn't really constructively. He just wasn't able bring his thoughts away from the shining eyes and the dazzling smile of Dan. It really wasn't healthy, Chris knew that too but at least Dan was everything but Darren. Had Chris only found a similarity between them he would have strictly said no , but he hadn't and now he was in this situation. Maybe these differences were why Chris couldn't stop thinking about Dan, because he had finally found someone how was just like him and wasn't like Darren at all and Chris himself could finally get over that. Maybe Dan was exactly what he needed to make the last few steps into his new life. He had come so far and now the last bit of the way someone came and was helping him go it, even though Dan didn't know it, Chris found it really calming knowing that he was able to find other man attractive that weren't Darren. A little time ago he would have said that there would probably never be someone, he could look at the way he had looked at Darren. But now thinks had changed and Chris felt so relieved.

But then again he felt bad. Like a player using Dan for his uses. For getting over Darren. But on the other hand, he really like Dan for just him. For the funny and attractive guy he was and he was sure that if they got to know each other more thoroughly, he would find himself falling for him. He just knew it. The way he started smiling when he looked at the blue letters on the white paper and when he started remembering yesterday night spoke entire books. He definitely was interested in Dan so he wasn't using him. No way. He had always sworn that he would never fall so low to do that and he wasn't. The only cruel think would have been letting Darren fall, but Darren had never cared for him in that way and the certainly never would. He had have such a long time to sort out his feelings when they had worked together and he never had. So, that equaled that Darren was straight as ever and he could get happy again. Darren would probably find himself and new girlfriend and Chris would hopefully have on too by that time and than they could live their life's the way Darren had always wanted it. As really good friends that they could stay, but they would both be happy knowing that none of that was suffering because of the other.

"Time heals all wounds", people say and so moving forward was good. Everything would get better and Chris would be happy here in Los Angles and Darren would be happy doing his A Very Potter Threequel. Life would be good.

A smile crept over Chris' face as he thought about that. He really like the idea of him and Darren staying friend, but both of them living their happy lives the way they always had wanted. He really whished that his thoughts would become reality. He didn't want to get hurt by his feelings anymore. He didn't want to get betrayed by his body anymore.

The radio next to Chris was still playing songs and Chris was somewhere entirely else when a rather old song came on. `New Age´.

**Whatever it was  
>I'm over it now<br>With everyday  
>It gets better<strong>

And suddenly Chris was back in reality, knowing that exactly that was true. He really was mostly over Darren. Sure, there were still traces of what had been but Darren was a constant thing on his mind anymore. A new reason to start his new life, go down a new way that wasn't labeled `Darren is the only man in my life´. Everything that would come now was so much more important. Clinging to the past had always been the wrong thing to do and now Chris was letting go of the old and started to grasp the new things that were waiting for him.

He got up and snatched the number from the fridge and got his cell out. It was time that things changed. For good.

Darren was once again surrounded by sheets of paper filled with notes and letters, but working seemed to be something he couldn't do anymore. It really was not going like Darren wanted. As he started at the notes and letters he had wrote he felt nothing. It was so much more difficult than he could remember it had ever been. Time seemed to go so much lower than it ever had and it felt almost as if it stopped. Stretched out like gum it was lying in front of Darren and he couldn't change a damn thing about how he felt or anything…like really anything. He couldn't leave and stay a little to himself because it would draw attention to him, but he couldn't keep on pretending that nothing had changed. Well, actually it hadn't. Everything was still quite the same, even his feelings only that now they were much more present at all time and not buried in a little tiny corner of his brain were he avoided to ever go, denying that he had that little corner when someone had asked. Maybe that was what had changed but nothing more. Still Darren didn't feel like working right now. He just couldn't concentrate on this really important thing he had to do, which had been his one and only before. For what he had lived and still did.

"Hey, Dar. You don't look to good. Are you okay?", Jamie asked from behind him. Darren was almost tempted to say that he really didn't feel that good, but kept quite. He had to start living this way. Chris was his friend in Los Angles, which he knew was a little bit far away, so things wouldn't change all too soon. Instead Darren recalled his and Chris conversation from their last day.

_"I'm gonna see you at the opening night of A Very Potter Threequel, aren't I?", Darren asked, looking Chris directly in the eyes._

_"We'll see." Chris poke out his tongue just as he himself always did. Chris was smiling, but it really didn't seem real. Deep down in his eyes Darren saw a little spark of fear and sadness._

_"Okay." With that he slipped into the backseat and closed the door. He__Darren__ sank into the backseat and was just shifting around when his eyes caught a glimpse of Chris, standing there and looking after the car that now slowly started moving. His eyes were focused only on the slender figure standing there in the night, the light from the club shining on his face. Chris grew smaller and smaller as Darren was watching._

That moment still sent waves of sadness and a little guilt over Darren when he remembered hw Chris had stood there looking after him as he had left him standing in the darkness. But as he remembered it now he wanted to take Chris' `We'll see´ as a `yes, we will´ even though he didn't really knew. But then again maybe he really would be there. Chris had shown interest in his work when he had been in New York, but that also could just have been a pleasantry.

Stop, stop, stop. A voice in Darren's head suddenly screamed. The usually sarcastic voice that was always showing him how unworthy and low going he was now screamed at him to stop thinking like that. `Don't dare to think that he wouldn't come. He loves your work. Remember the first day you met and the day after that. He quotes and loves everything about the musicals. If you give him the chance to come he will´. It was so weird that his `well, congratulations you finally figured it out´ -sarcastic voice had something good to it. But still it always was the truth, if Darren had wanted it or not. And hopefully this time his voice was right again, but deep down inside him he knew that it had to be right.

"Darren? Dar? Hey! Wake up!" Lauren and Jamie were standing in front of him, Lauren waving her hand in front of Darren's face and Jamie just looked at him worry all over her face.

"Thank the gods, Dar, what's wrong with you?", Lauren got a little louder than necessary but Jamie just took Lauren's arm and kneeled down in front of them.

"Do you really think you are okay after last night. You are pale Dar and to me and Joe you really didn't look all too good. Maybe you should consider leaving." There was a faint smile playing around her lips. She really thought he wasn't okay and Darren himself knew that sleeping would probably the best thing to get him back a little more on track than staying here and trying to work though the music and as an result to mess it up completely, because that was the only thing that really would happen.

"No, really I'm okay." Darren gave her the same smile back as he focused his glance back on the sheets, knowing that he might have made the wrong decision, but there was one thing playing on his mind that wanted to get A Very Potter Threequel done as fast as he could. It was the thought of Chris coming to Chicago and being with him and his friends. Darren knew it wasn't much and that that alone wouldn't change anything but the thought of Chris being here with him got him the energy he needed to fully rap his mind around the music.

Chris was eager to make himself ready for another night out. He had called Dan and the conversation had gone so easy that at one point Dan suddenly had asked him out for a couple of drinks at a club just a few blocks down the street. So Chris now had his plans for the night and was shining like a little star in the night with his huge smile displayed on his face as he ran though his bedroom. He hadn't quite decided of what to wear and maybe he was a little nervous about tonight but Ashley who was sitting on his bed was assuring him that everything was going to be okay. Chris had told her about Dan, sure he had and she had just smiled and listened while Chris had started smiling more and more as he talked about how funny Dan had been and various other things. Sure, it really was quite too early to tell if there would be more to Chris and him than friendship, but still Chris had his hopes up, because he had gotten to the realization throughout the day that he did like Dan.

"Ash, what should I wear? I'm a little indecisively what would be good.", Chris had a more or less pained look on his face as he held up various pieces of clothing.

"I don't know, but really Chris why do you even ask me you always look awesome, really. There is nothing you could wear that he wouldn't like." Chris shot her a glare as if to say `really, that's trash I look so horrible sometimes and you know that´, but Ashley just smile and ignored Chris' icy look.

An hour later Chris was standing outside of the club, waiting for Dan to arrive. He somehow had come past the obstacle of the clothing problem and had made it on time to the club. And soon a figure clad in skinny blue jeans and a black v neck shirt rounded the corner and came straight towards Chris, with a huge smile curling the soft looking lips of a very familiar raven black haired man.

"Hey Chris", the man addressed him as he just stood a few feet away, looking him directly in the eyes, or at least trying to because Chris' glance was still focused on tight jeans and even tighter shirt said man wore tonight. When Chris finally was shaken out of his observation and his today shining blue eyes met the emerald ones again, Chris was once more taken aback by how green they really were.

"Hey, Dan.", Chris responded a little bit too late but Dan didn't seem to mind that much, because his smile just grew a little wider. Slowly Chris' brain began proceeding again because the question that had ghosted around his mind the entire day once again came up into his consciousness.

"So,…Dan is that all there is to your name or is there more that I could ask for? You know me . My name at the least and I just have Dan, so are you willing to tell me a little more about yourself?" Chris smiled brightly as he asked and Dan just laughed and shook his head.

"Oh, Chris I'm sorry. Sure, I'm Daniel William. I completely forgot that I didn't tell you. I'm sorry.", he grinned and looked at Chris though Chris saw the apologetic spark shine in Dan's eyes as he said so. And then he held out his hand towards Chris. It took Chris a little before he understood and took Dan's outstretched hand and shook it.

"My name is Daniel Williams. Nice to meet you Chris Colfer." Dan's smile was huge and Chris' was just about the same size as the two man stood there in a parking lot at night shaking hands and smiling like little kids that meet for the first time. For someone who had just passed by the two had seemed a little out of place and maybe even weird as they stood there.

"So, Chris would you like me to take you out on a couple of drinks?",Dan asked still smiling huge but when Chris realized what Dan had just asked and how he had Chris smile vanished in an instant.

"Is…Is this a date…or what?",Chris asked, the nervousness was hearable in his shaking voice, but he didn't care. If Dan said no than at least Chris would know that there was only friendship to Dan's behavior and not more.

"If you want it to be…If not that's just fine with me. I don't want to pressure you into anything you don't want." Dan's smile was still there, displayed on his face but it wasn't as huge anymore and there was an edge of sadness in his eyes if Chris saw it right.

"No...no, no.", Chris laughed, "I want it to be one." And as the words were out of his mouth he knew it was right. It was good and it was right and it felt incredible. So yes, he wanted it.

"Cool, then it's a date. My treat." Dan grinned once again and this time his eyes shown with his grin as he held the door open and let Chris pass through.

And as Chris passed Dan on the way into the club, his cheeks heated with a huge blush and Chris realized he was happy again. He was really happy again.


	12. Chapter 11

**Hey guy!  
>So updating is seeming much more difficult than I wanted. I hope you still have the patience to wait every time. I'm promising I'll try my best you get better and update more often. I'm sorry that I have kept you all waiting again.<br>Thanks again to everyone that alerts, reviews and favos this story. I dearly ****all of you guys.  
>Please don't give up on this story. There is a lot more to it than you think ^^<strong>

**So one last thing before you can go on and read the next chapter. I think most of you have noticed that I don't have a beat reader. I usually do that by myself, but now that I have so much work to do I don't have the time I would like. If anyone of you would want to beat this story, just tell me. It would make things a whole lot easier and I would be monstrously happy :)) So if interested just send me a message ^^ I would really mean a lot to me if one of you would do that ;))**

**So now on… The story awaits you… :D****D**

* * *

><p><strong>And he dreams of Chicago, of Chicago<br>Somewhere where no one knows him  
>And he dreams of Chicago, of Chicago<br>There, where no one knows his name**

The full moon was hanging in the black night sky. The stars had vanished with the lights of the city, but where Darren was standing now there were no artificial lights just the white shine from the ball in the sky. To his right tall brick buildings lined the ally and on the other side there was just a fence, taller than Darren himself. He felt caught. There was only the way back or the way that was lying in front of him. No, right or left to turn as far as he could see before the way was swallowed by the all too present darkness.

The way back seemed stupid. He had been running out of there why should go back there. You didn't go back to the place you ran from, did you. So there was only the way ahead. Dark and unknown the way lay in front of him but as Darren sat one foot in front of the other a feeling of safety seemed to spread through him. Until he saw a silhouette standing in the light of a distant streetlamp, the only source of light.

Darren took a few more steps before he could make out the silhouette as a very specific person. He swallowed hard but a smile spread over Darren's face as he recognized the person and the way behind the streetlamp that led away from the tall brick walls and the too tall fences.

`The way out of all this´, the voice inside his head told him and Darren knew that he could get out of all this. And with the hope of light and an escape out of the darkness he ran the last few feet till he stood in front of his friend.

"Leave me alone, Darren. You had your time. You came and you went.", Darren's best friend told him his face emotionless and his eyes as cold as eyes. He didn't even look Darren in the eyes before he turned and went through a high gate made out of black metal in beautiful curved lines. The gates you usually only saw in front of old mansions all over England.

With a loud "bang" the gate closed behind Chris as he left Darren standing in front of it looking onto the land that could have been his home. But Chris had made the choice to keep him out of his life just as he himself had made the decision to cut Chris more or less out of his as he had left Los Angeles.

"But I didn't know what I was doing, Chris! I didn't know my feelings! Please don't keep me out of your life!", Darren screamed after his friend but he didn't even turn around, instead he walked on as if Darren hadn't said anything.

Once more Darren was faced with the choice of going back, to where he came from but everyone said that mourning about things that passed isn't healthy. Going back meant memories and feelings which equaled out into hurt which Darren wasn't able to stand right now. Not after Chris had told him unmistakably that he no longer was wanted in Chris' life.

"On than", the voice inside Darren's head concluded and so Darren sat one foot in front of the other. Every time his shoe met the asphalt and the sound echoed through the alley that was now lined by brick walls on both sides he heard Chris' name echoing though the alley.

Time passed and it seemed like the darkness and the echo of Chris' name was driving him insane when suddenly out of nowhere a huge neon sign saying `There, where no one knows your name ´.

`The place to start over new. Do to him what he did to you. Cut him out of your thoughts, your life, your memories. This is your last chance, take it. He was willing to give you up, because you decided to leave and see your friends. He doesn't care for you. Leave all of him behind.´, the voice advised.

"NO!", Darren yelled and turned around storming back into the darkness. The alley was vanishing into the darkness and suddenly all his friends stood to his sides laughing and pointing at him. But Darren ran, ran as fast as he could past the metal gate behind which he saw Chris standing and smirking evilly. No, no, no. That couldn't be true. Chris wasn't like that. He wasn't. Darren was sure, but the laughter around him made him sick and he felt like an icy hand had clenched his chest. He wasn't able to breath and the darkness won as he fell forward, unable to breath. Chris had shut him out, his friends where laughing at him and now just before he knew that he would lose consciousness he heard what they were laughing for the first time.

"Gay." It came from everywhere. He recognized every voice. Amber, Chord, Naya, Joe, Lauren, Mark, Dianna, Lea, Joey, Bonnie, Dylan and all the others. They were laughing at him and so Darren was glad as the darkness finally saved him from the laughter. He was glad he didn't have to hear any more of that.

With a loud gasp Darren wakes up in a bedroom light by the light of the full moon. The alarm clock on his nightstand tells him that it about half past four. Nice. He feels like had had fallen into a pool because his entire shirt was wet with his sweat. Darren felt sticky and disgusting, but he just fell back onto the pillows staring at the ceiling thinking about his nightmare. He had known his fear of confessing his feelings to his friends and his thoughts about the entire situation of course, but he hadn't known how bad it really was, because usually his dreams where a mirror of the truth, telling him from his subconscious what he feared and how much he really did. His subconscious was usually the one that told him right from wrong and was the one to wake him up to reality sometimes, but in the feelings department called love it succeed massively.

Darren turned around till he was lying on his back, staring at the headboard of the bed but finding it less interesting than the ceiling. The voices of his friends still kept screaming and laughing at him and he started to feel sick once more. He really hadn't known that his fear of his friends was so hugh. Usually your friends should be the people you could go to when you had problems, but right now even the thought made him feel sick.

It all didn't help. The curly haired man swung his legs out of the bed and snuck to the bathroom on his bare feet and turned on the shower. He needed to rid his body of the stickiness and hopefully the dream and the sickness would be washed down the drain with it.

He shed his clothes and stepped under the warm stream of water and grasped the sponge before squeezing some soap onto it. Soon Darren had washed himself several times but he still didn't feel all that much better. The sickness was still there and the voiced too, even though they had faded into the background Darren could still make out their laughter. He pressed his hands against his ears, wanting to drown the voices out but they kept on being. It made his head feel like it was about to explode.

Water was still streaming onto Darren's body and the drops fell from his hair into his eyes as he sunk to the ground of the shower his back against the tiles. The coolness of them on his back felt pleasant and seemed to melt the lump in his throat a little, but I would vanish. Coolness was the cure for that, but the voices kept on laughing and with his eyes shut lightly, hoping to just blend them out he also saw their faces hovering over him.

It was too much. He wanted to break free and leave, flee from the voices and his feelings if he only could. The feelings. Not it was his fear or better panic how his friends would react. It wasn't the thing that he like his best friend that felt strange, well maybe a little bit, but he had played Kurt's boyfriend. He had played a gay teen two years and he hadn't been uncomfortable. He wasn't ashamed of himself, but Darren had always wanted the opinion of his friends. it had always been important and now that was what he feared. Their opinion , their reaction to him. To this slightly new Darren. He was still him. Behaving just the same like before, was laughing at the same jokes, still liked the same movies and books, still loved music and was still concerned about his friends he still was the Darren everyone had gotten to know with the slight difference that he was now liking Chris instead of Mia. How much of a difference was that. Love was Love. It didn't know gender, he himself had said that. Love fell where it wanted and even though the things with Chris weren't sorted out that far, how could people judge gays.

Now he knew maybe a bit how Chris must have felt during High School with everyone judging him for being him. Darren had never wanted to be someone like these judging people that didn't even wanted to get to know the people before judging, so he had been open to everything and now he was in their situation, fearing what others might think because you aren't like everyone else.

A muffled little scream escaped Darren as the voices grew louder and the water turned colder. He pressed his hands harder against his ears even though he knew that it wouldn't do any good. It was making him go crazy, maybe he even overreacted, over thought everything, maybe it all would be the exact opposite. But his brain seemed to cling to these screams in his head and the fear not wanting to release it before Darren finally had done something about his fears and feelings.

The voices eventually faded into the background again and Darren thought he would get some more sleep so he redressed in a new pair of boxers and a white t shirt before he went back to bed. It was almost an hour later when Darren was still lying wide awake in his bed staring at the ceiling eyes wide open but his thought nowhere. He wasn't thinking. Nothing. The idea of a little TV sparked in his mind and he went to Joe's living room turned the TV on and lay down on the sofa. He didn't care what he was watching but it was something his eyes could do other than blankly staring at the ceiling. Soon he had drifted back into a dreamless sleep with the TV laughing in the background.

It were the sounds of someone working in the kitchen that woke Darren up later that day. The sun stood high and it was probably around noon already. He could hear Joe talking to someone and then came a whispered respond from Lauren. It all seemed okay, so far. The voices where still laughing slightly, but Darren was sure he could life for a while with that. After his attack of panic or whatsoever he had decided to hold back and go a little more of the way without someone knowing his little secret.

"No way!", Lauren laughed and instantly clapped his hand over his mouth thinking he was still asleep. Joe whispered something that Darren couldn't make out properly and then Lauren laughed again and suddenly Darren felt more than sick again.

"He definitely is not gay!", Lauren laughed. "No freaking way!" More laughter and Darren felt how his breathing came more rapidly. It was just like in the dream. She was laughing these words. He felt like he had fallen back into his dream only that now Lauren was the only one laughing but that was bad enough.

"Lauren, quiet. And yes he is I'm telling you. He is gay.", Joe responded and even he laughed quietly with Lauren. Where the hell was he. Darren wanted to be dreaming, but the sickness slowly look him his breath and he knew he was going to vomit. His breathing was rapid and once again his body was covered in a cold sweat. The fear was back and the voices too. Laughing loudly and as he pressed his hands back over his ears he saw them, all of them hovering over him laughing at him for likening Chris. Darren wanted to keep the whimper in but it escaped him anyways. He now really felt disgusted of himself. Weak and a lot to emotional.

The laughing continued and his head started spinning mixing the reality and the voices in his head together. Seeing their faces hearing their laughter and all these things that they could throw at him when they found out, it was too much. He couldn't breathe and finally felt the need to flee to the bathroom. A little to quickly Darren tried to get up so he needed to get his balance back because his head was still spinning. He hadn't fully recovered before he ran, but more or less tumbled to the bathroom and eventually ended up hovering over the toilet, just about the right time as the little that was left came back up. In the distance he heard Lauren calling out for him but he ignored it. When he was finished throwing up he lay down on the cool tiles in the bathroom and ignored everything around him. The voices where faded into the background and is breathing had returned to a normal level when Lauren and Joe finally stormed into the bathroom. Seconds later Lauren was kneeling next to him, stroking Darren his het curls out of the forehead and talked to him, but he heard not a single thing.

Together Lauren and Joe more or less dragged Darren back into the living room and put him down onto the sofa before he slipped into a kind of sleep again.

"Joe, go get a blanket. He has a cold sweat something isn't right and he shouldn't cool down. He will only catch something.", Lauren commanded but for once he didn't started arguing why he wouldn't do that. He knew that something wasn't right with his friend so it wasn't the right time to argue. So he went down the short hallway and came into the guestroom which was Darren's at the time. He opened the wall closet and instantly found the blankets lying in the right corner. He kneeled down so he wouldn't hit his head on the upper shelf and took a blanket from the small pile when he heard Lauren yelling from the living room.

Joe sighed and stood up, having forgotten about the shelf and hit his head with full force under the wooden board.

"Shit!", he yelled and held the back of his head which hurt massively when something fell onto his back and fell with a loud `thump´ to the floor. The contents of the simple black cardboard box spilled over the wood.

"What did you do?", Lauren asked from the doorframe.

"I hit my head on the damn shelf because you were yelling from the living room, sweetie.", Joe retoured sarcastically, but Lauren didn't even seem to listen to what he had to say. She was staring past him and onto the floor as if there was lying the eighth world wonder.

"What is that?", she asked Joe but he didn't even know what his friend was referring to.

"What?", he asked and Lauren just pointed to the floor. Joe sighed because Lauren once more was all so talkative but then he knew at what Lauren was staring at. They were all over the wooden floor. Pictures and letters. Some seemed to be from his mom and then there were some pictures of Lauren and him and all the StarKids. But these weren't the ones they were staring at. It where those which no one had ever seen other then maybe the two on them. Darren and Chris. Friends smiling into the camera. These were private pictures they had made to capture memories. These were the pictures that weren't meant for their fans or the media. Pictures of parties as they were dancing together, from DVD nights where they had obviously watched too much Harry Potter. Funny pictures and those on which there was the chemistry you even saw on these the made for magazines or Glee. There was this bond that most couples were looking for their entire life and never found and there it lay. The prove of Lauren's and Joe's suspicions. Darren had kept the pictures, traveled with them and kept them as a treasure.

_My best friend  
>who is like a star<br>incredible and beautiful and unreachable_

Lauren read the lines once and than twice. She had read them four times before she really was believing Darren had wrote that down onto a picture. She picked it up in her curiousness and turned it around. It was a picture of Chris as he stood on his balcony, Lauren guessed and looked up into the night sky. There were almost no stars, they were swallowed by the city lights but here and there you could make out some tiny lights in the black sky. Darren surely had made that picture without Chris even noticing because it looked so natural not at all like the picture you saw at photo shoots.

"Lauren do you think what I think?", Joe asked who had looked over her shoulder and had studied the picture just the same.

"Have you read what he rode onto the backside?" Joe nodded. "I can't believe that Darren was so blind, if he was. I don't know what to think about this entire situation you know. I think it has to be a lot more complicated otherwise Darren and Chris would have their happy ever after, wouldn't they.", Lauren told Joe and again he nodded.

"I don't think that Darren would act like that when the situation was all that easy on him. Either it's the realization of being different or it has something to do with Chris. Maybe he is afraid of what Chris will think about him or something like that? I really don't know. Darren doesn't seem like the guy that would keep something from his friends . Maybe he really has a reason that he hasn't told us yet. Or maybe he doesn't want to admit… There are so many things that could be the reason for why he doesn't want to talk to us, but after today and yesterday I'm almost willing to force him into talking." Joe was serious. Lauren could see that in his eyes. The way there where hard and shimmered. He wanted to help his old friend even if it was against his own will.

"You mean the thing had something to do with the gay thing?" Joe nodded and started collecting the pictures. Some he put back into the box, others he kept laying beside it. Joe didn't feel all too well to use these dear memories of Darren against him. To make these pictures a instrument so he would start talking to them, but somehow they had to make a start.

"Joe, what are you doing? Are you going to use them? Against him? Have you seen in which condition he is?", Lauren lectured but Joe didn't even think of hearing. He knew that Darren wasn't well but it wouldn't get better from warm blankets and hot soup. It wouldn't get better because of doctor visits and medicaments, because it was something inside Darren's head that was giving him this horrible condition.

"Let's go back. We need to be there when he wakes up. And the pictures are just the last method that I will use to get him to talk. I would want him to start talking by himself much more than having to force him. He is one of my best friends Lauren and one of yours too. We need to get him to talk to us or he won't get better. Maybe it will even get worse. Do you want him to get worse?" Lauren shook her head. Sure she didn't wanted that.

So they settled into the living room and waited for Darren to wake up. The hours came and went but we continued to sleep. They ate something but saved Darren something in the hope they could get him to eat once he would finally wake up.

It was late in the afternoon when Darren started moving once again. He was still sleepy and the bright light that was shining through the high windows in the living room. At first he was confused, but slowly the memories of the past happenings came back. A little groan escaped him, as the man started moving.

Darren was still hoping that most of the memories that came back to him weren't real and in fact just a dream, but he should been proven wrong, because Lauren came into his view, smiling and Darren was certain, that he was wrong. At least the vomiting part seemed to have been real.

"How much of what happened today was real?", he asked anyway, his voice only capable of a raspy whisper.

"I don't know what you remember as real, but Joe and I were talking in the kitchen when you stumbled into the bathroom with your hands pressed to your ears as far as I can tell. Then you puked. We found you lying on the tiles in the bathroom, before we dragged to back into the living room and you instantly passed out. That's about it, as far as I and Joe know. Or is there more? Do you wanna talk about something, Dar?", she asked her voice soft and without any force. Her face was light with a friendly smile as she sat in front of him on the rug.

"No, that's all. I was just hoping it was a dream. That's all, really." Darren forced a smile but Lauren didn't seem to buy it, obviously. Joe came and sat next to her, looking at him with the same soft, friendly expression displayed on his face. They cared. Darren knew, but the fear was still bubbling inside him, making it hard to breath, clenching his stomach, when he even thought about telling his secret. Even though they were his best friends here in Chicago. He didn't know if he really could do it, have the strength to tell them.

But then he remembered something. His lines. Two years ago. And know it was as if someone was telling him these lines, helping him to believe that he could do it. `You can refuse to be the victim. Prejudice is just ignorance. Courage.´ These words had meant the world to Kurt, why couldn't they give him the same hope and strength as they had given Kurt.

"Darren are you sure that there is nothing you wanna tell us. We really just want to help you.", Joe said softly as if Darren would break if they would speak.

The curly haired man took a deep breath. Should he really take the risk? Lauren and Joe both looked at him, waiting for him to talk. Was he ready? Oh hell, fuck it. Now or never, right? Better now than later because at some point he had to tell them, hadn't he.

"It's…Well, it's…", Darren began stuttering more than actually forming coherent words none the less sentences. The icy fist was clenching around his lungs once again, making it hard to speak and the voices came back as if they wanted to keep Darren from telling Lauren and Joe about them, the dream, his feeling and Chris. If that was for good, Darren didn't know but he felt the urge to press his hands over his ears once again. He wanted to close his eyes and hide somewhere, hoping that all his problems would have vanished when he came back out. But he knew that life wasn't that easy. Not for him.

"What is it, Dar?", Joe asked carefully, but his eyes turned harder the longer Darren clenched his teeth together and kept his mouth shout because he feared anther panic attack. He felt weird anyway. The feeling of the weakness that disgusted him so much was running through him, but he wasn't able to fight. Even though there in the hack of his head a voice kept on streaming `Tell them! Have courage! Tell them! Just do it! You can!´.

Torn between the fear that was making him suffer, feeling like a little kid that couldn't even deal with his fear of the dark and knowing that he was a grown man, that all of this shouldn't get that close to him, that he shouldn't be that afraid of talking, even though he had to make a confession that would change his life but wouldn't effect theirs all too much. Hell, he was twenty five for fucks sake. But still he couldn't do it.

"Dar, I'm sorry we just want your best.", Joe said and Darren wondered for what he was apologizing when he saw it. A square paper. He could see his own handwriting on it and Lauren read out the lines he himself had wrote down, just after the picture was taken during one of their last nights at Chris' apartment. They had watched DVD's but at one point they had made a break and Darren had found Chris on the balcony. The memory of his best friend pained Darren. Yesterday it had been his source of energy, today it was like a slap in the face. He knew the picture and he realized just then, that he had left that behind, when he had left for Chicago.

"Why… How…", Darren still wasn't able to speak coherently but he didn't needed to at the moment. He was just shocked. How could they do this. His friends. These were his memories. His treasures of the past. Something that was only a thing between him and Chris. Memories that only them shared and right now, Darren felt betrayed by the people he trusted the most.

"You like him, don't you?", Lauren asked her voice still soft without the hardness Joe's had have. But the lump in Darren throat formed anyway. Had Lauren just guessed or did she know something?

"Darren, please talk to us. We just want the best for you. But since you came back from New York you had been behaving differently and so we locked you into the rehearsal building, so you could yourself figure out what was going on, but it even seemed to be worse after that night and today you pressed you hands over your ears as if you heard imaginary voices and fled to the bathroom were we found you on the ground having puke and in some way sick. Darren what is going on, because the way you have been living lately isn't all to healthy for you.", Lauren was talking fast and loud. She seemed to be beside herself but in an overly caring state. Darren felt bad he was doing that to his friends and they knew, didn't they. At least they had suspicions.

"I'm sorry.", was everything Darren could manage at the moment though. His throat still felt a little sore and his voice still raspy.

Joe opened his mouth to say something but shut it instantly when Lauren shot him a warning glare. She waited for him to come around and have the courage to tell them himself. But when he stayed silent her eyes grew harder.

"Darren, please, tell us. We just worry.", her voice was still soft and a little pleading but her eyes were still hard and focused on Darren's. Her hazelnut brown eyes that usually seemed warm turned cold.

"Okay, I'm gonna try." Darren wasn't sure he could really pull through with it but he had to try. They had found his pictures. If they had searched for something to us against hi or if they had found the by accident, Darren didn't care. He was a little angry that they were using his dearest memories to get him to talk about something that was taking the air out of his lungs and made him feel more than just a little uncomfortable but at least they had made the beginning. They had shown him they knew about Chris and the lines he had wrote and they at least guessed that all his strange behavior had something to do with him. But most important they hadn't laughed or had been angry because of it. And they kept calm throughout the entire story Darren told them, beginning with the departure from Los Angles and than his short visit to New York where he had made all the wrong choices. He told them about his realization he had the night alone and about the nightmare.

When he reached that part he felt like a five year old that was telling his parents that a monster had been chasing him, because it had wanted to eat him. He felt more than stupid to tell them about the voices in his head that had been haunting him, laughing at him just like in the dream and then the conversation he had heard that had triggered the attack of panic or something similar, Darren himself didn't really know what it had been. Joe and Lauren listened to the entire story, still sitting on the rug and as Darren had finished Lauren looked him in the eyes the hazelnut brown once again completely warm.

"So, you like him and it was the fear of telling us and him. You were afraid of us?" Lauren seemed shocked. "Why? You know you can always come to us. We would never judge you and you know that." She smiled slightly as he pushed Darren playfully on the arm as if nothing happened and Darren hadn't just told him that I eventually might be bi or even gay. For nothing had changed and with Lauren's smile and Joe's hand on his shoulder and the same reassuring smile the icy hand that had clenched his lungs seemed to melt. And even on his face a small smile was displayed. It wasn't forceful or strong but it was smile of relieve.

He had done it and everything had went with the secret. The voices, the icy hand, the fear. The only thing that was filling his body was an uncertainty in he ever would be strong enough to tell the person that needed to hear it. If he would ever be strong enough to look Chris into his incredible blue eyes and tell him. And tell him that he was more than a friend to him.


End file.
